Memoirs of a Starving Artist and a Mediocre Mom

In Loving Memory of a Former Facebook Friend

2011-01-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

Many parents are unaware of how privileged they are in this day and age. This is a very distinct time in history where our culture is starting to integrate into a new way of interacting through social networking sites. The younger generations are quickly embracing this new technology while older folks struggle (as I’m sure we will one day) to understand the relevance of a site like Facebook where we post random thoughts and comment on the updates of our friends. Because of the inconvenience of not being connected, sooner or later even your parents will probably feel they need to figure out what the whole thing is about.

Although Facebook is relatively new, our culture is already establishing unwritten rules of etiquette regarding proper behavior within this forum. The punishment for any lack of respect is simply to be quietly cut off from that network. No explanation or notification is required. You will simply lose your privileges of being in the know.

What a great opportunity for those lucky parents that are cool enough to be accepted by their children as a facebook friend. No parent should take this gesture of trust lightly because your child is basically saying that you can hang out and listen while he talks to his friends. Hopefully, most parents recognize that their input is not always necessary or even appropriate.

This is actually one of the main areas of concern that most people have with Facebook, it’s too open. We connect with different people on different levels and we tend to emphasize commonalities and downplay differences. I don’t think that makes someone two-faced. We are just required to compartmentalize the way we present ourselves to different people. Perhaps some people think that they need to be the same person around their friends, and bishop, and boss, and family--who am I kidding? No one thinks that. Even if you think that, it probably isn’t true. We need to have the ability to control and manage our different relationships and Facebook can make it a little difficult.

A wise parent will take advantage of Facebook. They have a choice opportunity to see a different (and probably more authentic) side of their children. Do you really know what music your kids like? Do you know their real political views? Who they are dating? Where they go clubbing? What trashy shows they watch? All this information and more can be yours if you learn the art of restraint.

Parents are allowed to quietly lurk. This is usually tolerated, but be careful, there will be many opportunities where you will be tempted to act like the mom or dad you are and try to throw some guilt or disapproval at your child (even if he is 30 years old, and married with 3 children). You will get no special treatment in the world of Facebook my friends so don’t blow it.

I Am A Mormon

2010-10-22T19:08:00.001-07:00

Have you ever taken a moment to pull out of you your day-to-day routine to step back and observe your cultural zeitgeist from a distance? The word Zeitgeist basically refers to “the spirit of the times” or the general, cultural, ethical, spiritual and/or political climate of a group of people (thanks Wikipedia). Do you ever wonder how the technological advancements and the general attitudes of our day will be viewed in retrospect?

What an exciting time to be alive. It is such a privilege to be an observer and participant of the current cultural shifts. I wanted to share what some of my observations have been about developments in the world and what I think it means to my religious community specifically. I would be interested in hearing your opinions as well (as long as they are nice).

I think the impact of the Internet, and especially social networking sites on our consciousness are equal (if not greater) to the influence of the printing press. The Internet was definitely a huge step in establishing a connection with the world at large, but it has been good ol’ Facebook that has helped us to step over and take advantage of this technology. Many of us have recognized the benefits of connecting to our friends and family and once we have been integrated into basic networking the conversation continues to extend to other like-minded people from all over the world. We find ourselves interacting with friends of friends (of friends) in discussion threads. It is easier to track down and follow those people who have unique ideas and perspectives and to contrast them against their opponents. I have friends and business contacts all over the country (and even the world) thanks to the technology of the Internet and the contribution of that nerdy Mark Zuckerburg.

Blogs are significant, in my opinion, as well. To get something published in the past required the author to be skilled and worth paying for. Now anyone can be a published contributor to social issues. Everyone has been given a voice and, based off of their ability to hold interest they have the potential of gaining an audience to interact with as well. Personal blogs have demonstrated the ability to influence elections and turn the tides of thought. Many people, like myself, view a blog as a journal or personal record and get joy out of writing even though very few will ever read it. There is a thrill that comes with exposing ourselves to the world and seeing if anyone cares about what we think and feel. Every now and then someone does and it makes it all worth it.

So what does this mean for us? How will it influence our zeitgeist socially, politically, or religiously?

First, I think that information is more readily available to us. True, there is an abundance of poor quality information, but if a person is taught what to look for they can quickly find reliable peer-reviewed information as well within moments (as opposed to hours looking through books in a library).

I think this makes all of our institutions more accountable. It will be much harder to manipulate the minds of people when they are all able to connect and readily share information. Governments, religions and businesses have all tried to filter information to some extent in the past but now issues are becoming more and more transparent.

If you know me personally, you probably know that I love religion. I love chewing on big questions. My religion (Mormonism) is currently only less than half a percent of the world’s population, but I love thinking about what the future of my community will look like as it continues to grow and find its place in the world (or conquers it ;).

Within Mormonism specifically (a religion that was established well after the advent of recorded history), I think that we will experience pressure from both faithful and unfaithful members to adopt a much more open approach of interaction about our past. Many are in denial that there ARE any problematic aspects to our past but I think this unsympathetic opinion typically comes from those individuals who have never really evaluated it themselves.

There are many LDS historians like Richard Bushmen and Todd Compton who know all there is to know about LDS history and have still retained their faith (albeit a complicated faith). This demonstrates that difficult issues about our history can be reconciled, but it is no secret that our church has been hesitant, shall we say, to candidly address historical issues and their implications on our modern religion. If members want to understand the true nature of a prophet for example, providing them a white-washed, glossed over, representation will not be satisfactory for a generation of people who have journals and scholarly works at their disposal. They WILL investigate deeper and a stance of openness is the only approach that will surmount the oncoming hoards of curious investigators.

Although the church has neither addressed problematic historical issues in depth nor provided a descent forum for members struggling to faithfully reconcile this information, the Internet has provided the space for members all across the faith spectrum to interact and openly evaluate the goods and bads of their faith tradition. Many who choose to not participate in these discussions may be skeptical of the benefits of such interaction, but a vast number of other people have embraced it and believe that openness is the only correct way to proceed. These people are following the spiritual charge to seek out truth and are willing to bravely move forward knowing that some of their previous conceptions may need to be adjusted in order to make room for additional light and knowledge. Through this investigation beliefs may become more complicated, or perhaps are in danger of erosion, but over-all the conversation is refined and the pearls of truth rise to the surface. Ultimately, these people agree with Socrate’s statement that the unexamined life is not worth living.

In the past, struggling members have been pressured to adopt one of two acceptable responses to a crisis of faith; accept the church as it currently is, or move along and be demonized with the apostates. This is the message that many dissenters receive.

Online however, members are given many other options (BWA HA HA). There are several groups of eclectic Mormons who all share a common interest and love of Mormonism who find themselves at some middle ground in a tug-of-war between faith and reason. These Mormons seem to reject the strong dualistic options provided by the church yet still find great value in certain aspects of Mormonism. They may still hope that one day in the future God will grant them more understanding but, at the present moment, they may remain conflicted about some specific aspect of their tradition, or maybe they don’t literally believe the church’s foundational claims but find them useful for living a happy life or maybe they have been profoundly affected by the teachings of a non-christian tradition. They identify themselves with titles such as, New Order Mormons, Café Mormons, Zen Mormons, Liberal Mormons, Post Mormons, Cultural Mormons, Jack Mormons, Unorthodox Mormons and Gadianton Mormons. …Just kidding about that last one.

Are you uncomfortable yet? For most traditional faithful members there are probably multiple red flags going off at the mention of groups that allow for a non-absolutist approach to a faith that is often presented as black or white. It’s worth stating that 2/3 of our church is inactive and that the majority of self-identified Mormons would classify themselves within this Gray zone. Knowing how to approach these “fence riders” can certainly be tricky but would we prefer to push them off our fence, or find a way to accommodate their inquisitive, meddling minds?

I would like to point out (cautiously) that I myself experienced a crisis of faith and struggled for years over how to process my cognitive dissonance. This doubt was not brought about by personal sin (unless you really DO believe that doubt is actually a sin which is creepy) The conflict came from a sincere desire to understand truth and although I searched prayerfully, I was never confident that there was any faithful member that I could open up to about it. Honestly, It hurt really bad and I have never felt so isolated and abandoned. Our church rewards passionate conviction and is embarrassed by needling skepticism, yet we are expected to be skeptical about competing philosophies and truth claims.

It was voices from the aforementioned villainous groups (and some very loving and concerned individuals) that convinced me to remain an active member to this day, but on my own terms. I was sincerely touched by the honest concern that I felt from good people who had experienced the doubt and frustration I was experiencing and provided the space and reassurance, that the church did not, to honestly evaluate my beliefs.

From this perspective I was able to come to this realization…..(ahem)…

“I am a Mormon damnit! I am a quirky (annoying?) part of the family who has sprung from the loins of our quirky polygamist ancestors and if you really care (as you are obligated to) then you’ll put up with me. Forgive me for holding to the beauty I have experienced in this faith while taking ownership of the fact that many things have just not been revealed to me in as convincing a manner as they may have to you. As long as prophets have an imperfect track record (which has always been the case) I will continue to give serious criticism to any concept that feels wrong in my heart (unapologetically). At the same time I will try harder to open myself to truth wherever and from whomever it comes. I don’t care about “lines of authority” when it’s my “personal line” that validates all other lines. My God wants me to search for understanding, not intellectual out-sourcing. I firmly believe this to be true and I don't think Mormon doctrine conflicts with it."

I say give the title of “Mormon” to whoever wants it. I feel that the idea that all of the members sitting next to you in the pews on Sunday have the exact same beliefs as you just because they are there is a little naive. But I’m sure all of them feel the church is the right place to be at that time. We all want to be happy and we have a beautiful shared narrative to launch us on our journey.

Many believe that our founding stories and documents are literally true as they are portrayed, many do not, and many don’t care whether they are true or not. They are simply looking for peace and have found it within Mormonism. If God knows a better way to connect to someone, maybe we should step aside and have confidence that it will work out with out our manipulations. What do we do in the mean time? We LOVE them and we shut up and listen. If God really wants us to search for and embrace truth, maybe we should even consider the perspectives of the unorthodox to add to our understanding (yeah I went there…….gulp).

Currently the church is launching a PR campaign (http://www.mormon.org/people) spotlighting eclectic Mormons and stressing that they are valuable to our collective LDS identity. Many of these individuals represented (inter-racial couples, members struggling with same sex attraction, working women, small or single parent families, etc.) would have been frowned upon or marginalized in our church’s past. Do we really believe that they are valuable or are we threatened by innovative artists (sorry Greg) and Musicians (sorry Janice) and intellectuals (sorry Glenn) who bring all that they are to the conversation? (The comments in parenthesis are obviously based on my truly biased opinion).

Many people are attracted to the LDS approach to life for a variety of reasons. Is there something wrong with someone who chooses to stick around and hold on to what the church is offering or are we consumed with the idea that this church is only about complete conformity? How quickly, when a controversial political or social subject arises, do we figuratively draw a line in the sand and demand that struggling members decide if they are "with us" or "against us". If these words have come out of your mouth I beg you to revisit the situation with awareness and please just try to be quiet the next time around, even if that's how you really feel.

Wow, this blog really started being about one thing and then surprisingly became something else. You could never expect such klutzy writing from a professional which is why blogs are awesome.

My name is Chris Brewer. I am an artist, A questioner, a really shoddy philosopher, guitar-player, skateboarder (as of last week), and Krav Maga practitioner and…

I AM A MORMON!

Am I that unlikeable God?

2010-09-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

So I have to admit that sometimes I really get confused about our understanding of God. When we dig down to the roots of God’s plan there is one fundamental concept that does not resonate well with me. Maybe you can help me understand why I should worry about it because on a practical day-to-day level I suspect that’s all it really does, makes us worry.

It has long been established in the Western tradition that God cannot look upon sin with the least bit of allowance. For some reason the god of the universe is not just emotionally but somehow physically repulsed by sin. Prophets infer that embedded within the natural laws of the heavens is a physical law in which perfection (water) and imperfection (oil) cannot occupy the same space. We don’t know why but apparently it is so.

This creates a dilemma for our loving God who has numberless children who will unfortunately be consumed by the flames of his goodness if they try to look upon him unprepared. This problem evokes a reference to the character of Rogue in the X-men comics who has been cursed with an uncontrollable mutation that causes her to absorb the energy of anyone who has physical contact with her. Even those people that she deeply loves cannot allow themselves to get too close to her in case, in a moment of weakness, they give in to their hearts to kiss or caress her and fall down dead completely drained of life. Her dilemma is truly heartbreaking because we all know if there is one thing that we all value it is love and connection with others. Since God is a loving God, we know that he must share that same desire. To see the pain in the eyes of all those people who want to be close to him but are by definition unclean must surely be a curse.

I think viewing this repulsion as a natural law of the universe is easier for me personally to reconcile with a loving God rather than believing that he just personally detests anything unclean or different from his image. The former God would love me as I am but understand that there is a barrier that I must cross to get to him. The latter does not like me right now as I am currently in an inferior phase of development. He would not stay in the same room with me. This God does not see complexity in the world but is willing to send me away to exist forever in unhappiness if I question one of his orders.

This barrier to reconciliation lies at the heart of God’s plan for our salvation, in fact the entire plan is established as a way to overcome this basic law of repulsion. We will not be happy unless we are in God’s presence after we die yet his presence sounds more like the flames of hell for all those who do not bare his reflection.

It’s interesting to note that many people living on this planet are unfamiliar with this law of the universe and the true nature of God. These people have been living and dying for millennia unaware that they are fundamentally flawed. It’s sad to imagine that hundreds of thousands of people could miss the real point of this existence and waste their whole lives just trying to be happy and wise.

How would things be different in my daily life if this heavenly law of repulsion did not exist? What if my God was not unlike myself raising my own children? I love them. I am affectionate, I guide them, and I do not expect them to understand everything. My sons make stupid decisions sometimes (which I expect) and they deal with the consequences. If my son Max jumps off a high chair that I warned him about and he splits his lip why should I take that as a personal insult? He’s learning from experience.

At no phase in his development would it be useful for me to tell him that one day I will leave him if he doesn’t become exactly like me, that I will no longer stand to be in the same room with him if he embraces another truth or another path to happiness other than the one I provided, that I will lock the door to my house if he is not sufficiently convinced or satisfied with my wisdom.

The times when I feel like a bad parent are the times when I am upset at a child because of my pride. They are not acting any differently than anyone would ever expect from a growing kid but the sin is mine when I think that I own them and I have full control over their path. It’s my problem if I decide to distance myself from them because of their natural flaws, not theirs. I can offer wisdom and love and hope that they learn to value the same things as me but they may not and yet still be legitimately happy or if they suffer because of poor decisions they don’t need to know that my love will be retracted in addition to the natural consequences they may already suffer.

Again, I want to hammer in that point: When your child exercises poor wisdom and brings suffering upon himself it is the parent's problem if he is ashamed and turns away from the child. Why would he be ashamed? Where would that shame come from? Both he and his son want to be happy but the son tried to obtain his happiness in a way that his father knew was risky.

Doesn't it seem plausible that the shame would come from the fact that the child simply didn't trust his father's wisdom unquestionably? Does this also infer a challenge about who is right? And what child has the audacity to challenge a parent? There are many things that a father can feel confident being right about, even if his child is a little behind but what type of a person feels diminished when their sole ownership of truth is questioned?.......... Well I do sometimes but I have to admit that I expect a little something more from God. If he really is a jealous God it makes sense why you deserve an extra punishment in addition to the natural consequences of your actions for daring to question him.

Shame........from the creator of the universe.........for what?

Let's repose the scenario just mentioned but this time we'll say that the child broke something expensive. The father is angry and starts to tell his son how he won't stand for such behavior and how he plans to send him far away where he can live with other idiots who break nice stuff. While the father is still fuming a neighbor, who has been listening from a distance steps in. The neighbor says,

"Excuse me. I'm terribly sorry about your situation. I can totally understand why you would be justified in sending this young boy away for breaking your expensive stuff. He obviously couldn't handle the responsibility of staying in your immaculate mansion in the long run without making more mistakes, but I have a very special empathy for your son sir. I have personally experienced the pain this child feels because I was a youth summer camp instructor and I saw sooo many boys make poor decisions and break lots of stuff. So I would like to cover the costs of any damage inflicted by your son in the past and I will cover anything he does in the future to lash out as long as he really thinks about his mistakes, recognizes how unhappy they make him feel, and then promises to do things that bring him and everyone else real joy. I will be happy to give him plenty of great advice and show him the love and empathy that you are justified in withholding. After all, you have a kickin house sir and I wouldn't want to see anything stain it. The father, recognizing that he now has nothing to lose begins to smile. "You really get me neighbor. You're the type of boy a dad could call his favorite". He is now pleased and everything is mended because he knows that whatever happens (son makes bad decisions, son embraces his father's way) he wouldn't have anything damaged in his kickin immaculate mansion.

Soooo....remember this story is only to illustrate an idea. It's not meant to be sacrilegious I promise. Does the father seem any more lovable in this depiction? But why not? Everything got fixed, even his unspecified expensive thing that got broken. It seems like eventually father and son will be able to occupy the same house (if that's what the son actually wants).

I'm sure at least some readers will be confused at what I'm really trying to get at here. Maybe I've lost your respect at this point for casting deity in the role of a grumpy abusive father in my story. Why should this matter to me? Why is a quirky person like me concerned about this idea? Maybe it's because I feel every one of my sons has been perfect since they stepped foot in this world. Their natures are not offensive to me. All I want for them is happiness and fulfillment. I certainly think there are other ways to help them find it besides jealous threats of abandonment. They simply need to recognize what they already are at their core. Perfect.

Anyway, while we acknowledge that the judgmental God with vanity issues must exist so that we can know we are right and others are wrong, It’s more useful for our day-to-day to think God is the unconditionally loving one. The one who will forever help you onto your feet when you fall, The one that will be there for you when you are in a self-made hell and not judge you for your foolishness. This is what I feel from God, acceptance, patience, and the purest unconditional love.

I certainly hope my Creator doesn't have issues with me that keep him at arms length when I see him again. In the mean time, I just plan on enjoying my family, being the best person I can be, and breathing in the beauty of this life.

The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side of the Fence.

2010-06-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

This is a post about grass, not the kind you smoke; the kind you mow.

Chris and I moved into our first real home in October of 2008. Before that we had lived in a town home where all the yard maintenance was taken care of by the HOA. Our new house is on a small corner lot and is under .20 of an acre. We are fine with a small yard because right across the street, seriously like 20 yards from us, is a HUGE grassy commons area and a big park- all the space we need to run, frolic, or play ball without any of the work or expense. I think that space like that is important and believe me I enjoy running barefoot through cool green grass as much as the next person, but I’m starting to think that the obsession we have here in the United States as home owners to have immaculate lawns is kind of overrated and a little bit ridiculous if you think about it.

We bought one of the smallest lots possible and still ended up spending a small fortune to have sod put in our tiny yard. Six months of the year we spend an extra $150 - $200/month just to water our lawn. Then there’s the expense of all the equipment and supplies needed to mow, edge, fertilize, aerate, and treat for weeds and pests—not to mention the time required for such maintenance. And for what? We never spend any time out there. More than 50% of our precious lawn covers a steep incline on the side of our house and a parking strip. We do all our outdoor activities across the street at the park. But what would the alternative be? You can’t NOT have a lawn, can you? What would that even look like? No really, I’m asking. Is there an alternative?

We live in a neighborhood that has its fair share of retirees. You can tell which homes are theirs by the perfectly groomed, greener than green lawns out front. Is that really all one has to look forward to upon retiring, endless amount of time to obsess about one’s yard? Are there no other hobbies to pursue or ways to gain self satisfaction other than comparing your lawn with your neighbor’s and complaining about how their lack of upkeep is negatively affecting the property value of your home (the home you’re going to die in)? I’ve seen this obsession bring out the worst in people.

For instance: We share a tiny front yard with our neighbor. She is a lovely woman, in her late 70’s. She’s always friendly to us and our children and we exchange pleasantries whenever we see each other. The first time Chris mowed the lawn he mowed the entire front lawn, including her half of the yard without even thinking twice. The front lawn is only 20 feet wide. It seemed ridiculous to mow an imaginary line down the middle and let the widow next door take care of her own lawn. That night she came over and sweetly thanked us for mowing her half of the lawn but said that it really wasn’t necessary. She could do it herself. We told her, “Nonsense! It’s silly to mow a line down the middle of such a small yard.” Chris assured her that he didn’t mind a bit, and that it was actually easier to mow the whole thing rather than try to maneuver around a 10’x10’ space.

The next week he did the same thing. This time when she came over her tone was completely different, she said, “Again, thank you for mowing MY side of the yard, but PLEASE DON’T. I have a certain way that I like it done and I would just prefer to do it myself.” We were very taken aback, but apologized and complied with her request. Since then there has been a tacky line mowed down the center of our shared yard. It looks so petty to me and I’m embarrassed for people to see it. I know they have to be thinking that Chris is such an inconsiderate neighbor to not be willing to mow the shared lawn of our elderly, widowed neighbor.

Now don’t all jump to her defense and say, “well maybe she takes pride in the fact that she CAN still take care of her own yard and she doesn’t want you to rob her of that satisfaction.” Because that’s a load of crap. She’d still have the side and back of her home, and all her flower beds to take care of. All Chris was doing was mowing her front yard-- the front yard that we SHARE with her. And it’s not like he was doing a crappy job at it either. The fact that she would risk causing a rift with neighbors who she has to live so closely to just so she can maintain the PERFECT lawn just proves the point that people, especially the elderly, are RIDICULOUS about their yards.

My Sweet Escape

2010-05-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows Chris knows that he is a very passionate person. He’s a thinker, a philosopher, and a seeker of knowledge. He loves studying new ideas, theories, and philosophies. I am definitely not his intellectual equal nor would I ever pretend to be. His last blog post is a good example of the type of thing he ponders on a regular basis. In fact, he wrote that post one night when he couldn’t sleep. He was anxious to have me read it, hoping to have a thoughtful discussion on the topic and all I could say was, “this is what you think about when you can’t sleep?!” I’m just waiting for the day that he leaves me for someone smarter and deeper.

And while I love and admire this characteristic about him, I have to admit that it can sometimes be a little annoying -- like when he gets really excited (passionate) about a new idea or principle and immediately applies it to his own life (i.e.: becoming a vegetarian after reading The China Study). Which I suppose isn’t a bad thing, after all, what’s the point of acquiring new knowledge if you’re unwilling to apply it to your own life? But for the innocent bystander wife, happily plugging along in blissful ignorance, it can be a little exhausting. I’m usually very supportive, but his newest –I don’t even know what to call it –Stance? Platform? Cause? hits a little too close to home for comfort. Chris is trying to ban refined sugar from our lives.

It started about a week ago when Chris found an article on line. (I don’t know where because I refused to read it.) I guess it was pretty scientific and had a lot of information about the evils of refined sugar comparing it to a poison or a drug like crack cocaine and stuff like that. He found the article very alarming and eye opening and was disappointed when I wouldn’t get on board. But I told him, “Look, I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, or gamble. I’m not addicted to sex or shopping. But I like sugar. It’s my only vice. I know it’s bad for me, but of all the evils out there is sugar really that bad? So what? I give up sugar and I live a few years longer? Well what’s the point of living if I can’t enjoy life? and I truthfully am not convinced that my life would be enjoyable without it. So I’m not going to read your stupid article because it’s not going to change my mind!!”

I know what you’re thinking, “spoken like a true addict.”

Well since Chris wasn’t getting anywhere with me he decided to move on to a more malleable audience. I didn’t realize to what extent he had recruited our children to his anti-sugar campaign until the following day when I went to the bank. I requested suckers for the kids but instead of opening his and devouring it quickly like he usually does, Topher stared at it suspiciously. He then looked at me and asked with an accusatory tone, “Mommy, why are you giving me this? Daddy says that sugar is poison.”

Great Chris, now you have our children thinking their mother is trying to poison them. That definitely won’t do anything to mess up their little psyches.

A few days later I called him on his way home from work to ask him if he’d stop and get me a little somethin’ somethin’. It was late and the kids were in bed. I was trying to enjoy the new episode of Modern Family but without a sweet treat it just wasn’t the same. He refused, letting me know in no uncertain terms that he would not support my habit. I begged and pleaded, I even played the pregnancy card to no avail. He stuck to his guns. Later when he got home he tried to soften the blow of his new self imposed lifestyle change by explaining, “You asking me to bring you home a treat is the same as asking a recovering heroin addict to bring home some heroin. I can’t get it for you and not eat it myself. And it’s not fair for you to ask.”

Fine, I realized I could no longer count on Chris to be my supplier. So the next day I made a batch of cookies. I gave away half the batch to neighbors and put the remaining dozen in a zip lock bag and hid my stash in the freezer. I didn’t have to eat them right away; it was comforting enough just knowing they were there for those times that I really need a fix.

Well, dear readers, that time came today. I was having a particularly stressful day. Things kept going wrong and my patience was running thin. In a moment of peace and quiet with Topher at preschool and Max having quiet time I thought how nice it would be to sit down at the computer with a sweet treat. Ah, yes, that would be just what the doctor ordered. After a few minutes of rummaging unsuccessfully through the pantry and cupboards I remembered my stash in the freezer. Grateful for my previous foresight and wisdom I ran to the freezer only to find that my stash was GONE!

There could be only one culprit, Mr. Anti-Sugar Buns himself. I called him at work and sure enough, he confessed to the whole thing. Now being an addict myself I can’t get too mad at him and his apparent hypocrisy. In fact, I was almost moved by the obvious shame I heard in his voice when he came clean to eating the entire bag. So while I was upset that my cookies were gone, I’m smart enough to see how this will help me out in the long run. It’s something I can hold over his head the next time he refuses my pleadings to bring me home a sweet treat. And no, that type of manipulation is not below me.

You're so vain. You probably think this world is about YOU

2010-03-25T06:52:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: If you’re the type of person that gets offended this will probably offend you so please stop reading………..……and please stop being so offended all the gosh darn time! I hold you personally accountable if you continue.

Do you ever remember jokes or comments that you thought up as a kid that seemed so funny to you at the time but now you are a little embarrassed at how simple and stupid they were? You know that you are the only person on the planet that remembers them but you are little embarrassed nonetheless.

I remember back when I was in church, as a kid, with my chair leaned back against the wall (like ya did when you were too cool for Sunday school). During class I would try my hardest to think of something witty that would impress my friends (Sunday school teachers just love this compulsion for validation in boys I’m sure).

I have no idea why this memory popped into my head but I recall on more than one occasion asking my Sunday school teacher…

“Sooo…were Adam and Eve like Neanderthals cuz weren’t they the first people?” (Spoken like a seasoned class clown).

….Yeah that’s it. I know it’s not even really a joke is it? (But consider that you didn’t get to witness the delivery). I just thought it was hilarious for some reason. The teacher showed us pictures of a Ken and Barbie couple wearing classy cuts of animal skin hanging out in a garden. Wouldn’t it just be killer funny -thought my immature brain- to imagine Eve as a thugly cavewoman and not a hot blonde? I think my best friend even laughed but in hindsight a well executed fart noise may have stirred the crowd up some more. Boys will be boys.

I’m sure I had seen a National Geographic special on evolution and I probably felt cool that I even knew what a Neanderthal was ( It was a cool ass way of saying caveman that’s what it was!).

As a child you are given pieces of information on different subjects. There are of course many large holes in the picture that are sometimes deliberately left open (such as why or how daddy goes about putting that baby in mommy). It is your job to ask “Why why why why why why why….” To fill in the holes, like my adorable 4 yr old son does (and I never get bored of answering :) ).

It’s interesting how and from where your knowledge gets filled in as you grow. As a kid I knew that National Geographic seemed to know what’s been happening with people right up until the time that they became beautiful -and started living on a freshly mowed tropical golf course where whales unfortunately have very little wiggle room in the small resort ponds- but after that point my Sunday school teachers seemed to know where things were going as far as purpose and all that.

It seemed very important to remember that the whole Adam and Eve thing is where it started. That’s the line god drew when he decided that people are going to start mattering from here on out. Maybe everything before that just existed as a means to genetically grow some awesome bodies from scratch to be inhabited by Adam and his trophy wife just like in the movie Avatar. Who am I to say why things were done that way. It was like 6,000 years ago wasn’t it?

One very cool thing about the LDS religion is that it is very liberal or open minded in regards to the little details. Many Christian faiths do not allow themselves this sort of flexibility in interpretation which I think is a little unfortunate because they have to convince themselves that the Grand Canyon was created just a few thousand years ago. I know of many LDS members who have accommodated scientific discoveries about evolution into their faith with ease. I think there are also many others who feel that there is always something sinister brewing within the bubbling beakers of Godless scientists and we should probably not spend as much time paying attention to their hypothesizesezs as we should spend reading our scriptures.

For an LDS member an appeal to authority is not a good problem solver for the evolution discussion because there have been some Presidents of the church proclaim that evolution is evil garbage and others who are open to the possibility that god brings about his purposes through natural processes. If both President Joseph Fielding Smith and President Mckay (who had very differing feelings on the matter) were still alive maybe they could arm wrestle to decide the winner on this one. After all the hassle I think the LDS church has pretty much decided that what has happened on the Earth for millions of years before we showed up has little to do with our salvation and is not very important in the whole scheme of things.

Connecting these loose ends together about history, religion, and origins can be difficult for any person that’s really serious about figuring it all out. By it I mean THE IT; The unanswerable answer to life the universe and everything (42); The ultimate explanation that nobody will ever really know for sure about until after they take the one-way ferry ride across the river Styx...or you know…..…just….die.

When I start thinking about this amazing planet and why the hell I’m here there’s one question in the literal sea of questions (okay figurative sea) that keeps nagging at me…

“How do I even know that it’s all about me?”

Let me explain because I thought I’d thought about this but I don’t think I ever really did in any depth until recently. Actually I just read a novel titled Ishmael that brings this stuff up. It was a very thought provoking read.

There is one overarching theme in regards to the purpose of our existence that both Academia and religion seem to agree on and that is that nothing started mattering until roughly 6,000 years ago. This is when history began (or at least important history) which is maybe why everything before that time is referred to as Pre-history. When we think about our origins we always choose this as our starting place. This might be because we don’t know too many details about what people (or hominids) were like before then.

But we DO have some significant information about that time. We know that there were definitely bigger chunkier versions of ourselves extending back a long time before 4000 BC. By a long time I mean a LOOONG time. Right now the scientific community is drawing the line between primate and hominid around 5-7 million years ago (It’s wise to give yourselves a few million years flexibility in these things). But either way take a moment to absorb the contrast in timetables; 6,000 years and 5 million years. Our massive history extending all the way back to Samaria (or wherever) is just a dot compared to the long timeline that covers the progression of our species from monkey-man to agriculturalist.

When did they start being like us I wonder? When did they start feeling real feelings? When did they stop acting like animals and began to really observe their environment and culture in a way like ourselves? It’s hard to even pin down what attributes separate us from other animals. It seems like we are more capable of seeing the big picture and planning ahead in a way most animals can’t. We seem to understand concepts and ideas in much greater depth and we can talk about them (of course that is all just based on our perspective).

What is really the biggest difference between the “us” that began 6,000 years ago and the “us” that existed before that, the “us” that acted more like an animal?

I think one of the biggest differences is that we came to the conclusion that this whole creation was all about us. The whole friggin thing is ours. All the creatures and resources of this Earth are here as gifts to help us realize our destiny. It’s easier to understand why a cow was made for us more than a deep sea Angler fish but there’s got to be a reason why the Angler fish belongs to us as well (If not just to inspire awesome Sci-Fi monsters) right?

It seems like there could almost be a law that exists in nature that all creatures follow in which they are all allowed to compete for resources but never go so far as to hunt out and destroy all of their competition, but we are the first species to challenge that law. There seems to be a mutual respect and balance that exists in the natural world. If you have watched The Lion King recently Mufasa has expounded greatly on this issue.

This idea could be totally off base and over-idealized as well. Who says it’s not natural to ensure the survival of your species by any means possible? It seems like even viruses just want to live and multiply, but their time becomes limited as their resources for survival diminish.

The difference between the new “us” (4000 BC-->)and the old us (<-- 4000BC) is one of ideology. The new us is convinced that our species is the only one that should have no limits to its growth; That our species should have control over all the earth’s resources. We are convinced that the earth should bend to our will because it belongs to us. We are its stewards. God grew us like seeds in a garden over millions of years and we are the long-awaited fruit. Everything else is going to the compost heap.

If the earth was a micro-organism and you could observe it from a distance under a microscope how would you make sense of the growth and domination of one species over the entire organism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_population_estimates) So we’re at a point where we are expected to add a billion humans to our population within 20 years. That number is just going to shrink exponentially). It used to take hundreds or thousands of years to double our small population. Soon we will be doubling that already massive number (6 billion) every 10-15 years. As you saw this growth in this population what would you think would be the motivation of those tiny humans and why wouldn’t they understand that the whole thing only really works in a state of balance? If anyone gets too selfish it all eventually falls apart (at least for the humans).

Well we know what our motivation is. We understand that we are fulfilling our purpose. Up until us I doubt any other creature thought there was any other purpose to their existence other than rejoicing that they were alive to experience something incredible. I don’t think they were concerned (or capable of being concerned) with the big picture, only with being happy.

I think fear also plays a role in our motivation to control. We are afraid that we might somehow be grouped in the same category as all the other ignorant forms of life on the planet and we know we are more special. We are also afraid that we are going to disappear in as insignificant a way as they seem to. We are afraid to die and we will do whatever it takes to become immortal.

Please don’t jump to conclusions. I’m not saying anything extreme about reverting to the wilderness to reclaim the glorious life of a caveman. I am not saying anything about who or what should live or die. All I am pointing out is what is. For good or bad, God’s will or not, this is our current situation.

This attitude absolutely does exist throughout most of humanity. It does not matter if you believe in god or not. There is an underlying foundational belief that we have the right to make all the decisions concerning the future of this earth. We have the right to position ourselves as the main beneficiaries of all of those decisions at the cost of any other living thing. Either that privilege was gifted to us from god or because we got smarter faster than anything else did. We are the most important. That is a perceived right that we will never willingly relinquish.

It does not take a genius to understand that this mentality is not sustainable. It may seem like it is a good enough game plan to span the existence of your family and your family’s family for a few generations to come but eventually the complications will snowball into something bad for mankind. I guess we just hope that by that time we’ve become smart enough to handle any curve balls thrown at us because of our tampering. Perhaps that will be the Star Trek phase of our growth.

Anyway, let me revert back to the original question.

“Is it really all about us?”….Really? When we see an ant crawling on the ground do we really think that the ant's existence really has something to do with us? Is it there to entertain us? To bite us? Is it's importance defined only in relation to ourselves? Does the life of a fish at the bottom of the ocean, that is totally unobserved by humans, still have its own purpose and significance or are fish just filler for the majority (71%) of the earth that doesn't have people running around? Why did God bother with anything that cannot be appreciated by us?

Are we certain that this is even the attitude that God would want us to have? Are we certain about the literalness of having dominion over all creatures and resources?

I don’t have any answers because it’s hard to imagine things being any different from how they are now. All creatures want to survive and we are the ones smart enough to ensure our security above all others, but we know we can’t continue like this indefinitely. Perhaps we will just keep going on until everything is so screwed up that god has to shake this planet like an etch-a-sketch or perhaps our species will eventually just destroy itself while some lower species continue to do their thing until we eventually get some higher forms of intelligence who might make better decisions.

Thoughts?

Do you trust your dentist? by Chris

2010-03-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

So I have a complicated relationship with my dentist. When I first walked into his office I saw a sign hanging on the wall that reads: We cater to cowards. Now that is my type of dentist! When you sit down you are given a pair of sunglasses which is certainly so that the cute nurse won’t see the look of terror in your eyes when you see the cane-sized needle come out on that shiny metal tray.

I always had to remind my previous dentist that I needed an extra dose of anesthetic because I have a unique condition where it doesn’t work on me quite as well as normal people. He seemed to think you should give a patient one dose until they get a zap and then you can give them a second after a tear rolls down their cheek. I was willing to be numb enough to swallow my tongue if it meant I didn’t have to feel a thing when it was drill time. In fact I am in favor of being put out totally for my dental work. Now why isn’t that an option yet?

My new dentist has an amazing gift. I honestly don’t feel a thing, not even a pinch when that needle disappears into my gums. He is very arrogant but it is a type of arrogance that is very reassuring. When your dentist removes a crown placed there by someone else, sneers at the shape of the tooth underneath, and points out the flaws of the previous dentist’s technique to his nurse you feel you are in good hands.

He wields his drill with the confidence and speed of an old western gunslinger and smiles down at his completed artistry. He needs no pat on his back because you can tell that he is very aware of his standard of quality.

“Wow!” Says the nurse (possibly prompted to make such remarks),” That looks better than what I saw demonstrated in school. You are the king of root canals Dr.”

(sigh of agreement from the dentist)

So, obviously I like him and I like his work but here is the flip side. He can’t stand the site of an old-school metal filling. He is determined to remove all metal from my mouth and replace it with beautiful state of the art tooth-colored resin (or whatever it is). He blabs on about how the new stuff doesn’t contract and expand because of temperature and it is not carcinogenic like the old metal fillings, but I can see in his eyes that he is just disgusted at seeing anything in one of his patient’s mouths that looks old and clunky. He wants my mouth to be Lexus or Mercedes quality when I am fine with a Camry level of dental work.

How do you really know if replacing a filling is the best choice? A tooth tends to die when it has gone through too much trauma. Is it better to have an old rusty filling that seems to be doing its job satisfactorily, or a nice tight new filling that soon makes the tooth die and need a root canal? I doubt he would say that is the case but it doesn’t seem like a coincidence that my wife and I are needing lots of root canals lately.

I received my first root canal just a few weeks ago and now the tooth right next to the last one is starting to ache the same way. I question if the decay he planted there at my last visit has taken hold (please see attached Eddie Izzard video).

So what type of dentist is better, The car mechanic dentist that tells you every little thing that you need to fix as though it’s all going to fall apart if you don’t do it right away or the dentist that understands you don’t always need to launch a preemptive attack against every dental concern until there is actually a real concern.

If I were filthy rich I would just have all of my teeth replaced with beautiful porcelain veneers, but I’m not. I can only handle one small thing at a time.

I have been giving in to pressure and getting all the work done that he recommends and it has been damn expensive. I have one more crown until I have my Mercedes mouth but now all these root canals are coming up and I feel like I’ll never get my teeth in perfect condition.

I don’t know if I really trust him but he’s fast and very good at what he does. Does anybody else face this sort of dilemma?

I decided to attach my two favorite comedy bits on Dentistry. Eddie Izzard is my all-time favorite comedian. I almost cry every time I watch this. Be aware that there is some language at about 3:20. You might want to just watch up until that point. Bill Cosby’s bit on Dentistry should be in the comedy Hall of Fame. It is classic stuff. Please enjoy.

My first post in months... don't expect anything great.

2010-03-14T15:17:00.001-07:00

So if you had been an angel silently taking notes at our house this morning. This is what you would have written down to take back and report to the big guy.

Shannon: “Come on, everybody! Let’s go. If we don’t leave now we’ll have to sit on the hard chairs.”

Up until this time Chris had been helping the kids get their coats on and had thought that we would be skipping sacrament meeting and just going to the last two hours as usual.

Chris: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We’re going to Sacrament meeting? Why?! It’s hard enough to space out for two hours. I can’t do it for three!”

Shannon: “Yeah Chris, we’re going. Come on. It’s been a long time since we’ve been to the full three hours.”

Chris: “Yeah, there’s a reason for that. No, I’m not going. I’ll stay home with one of the kids—“

Topher: “—Yay!! I get to stay home with Daddy!!”

Shannon: “No, we’re all going. Come on, Chris. I have to go at least once a month to remember why I don’t like going. It makes it easier to justify not going the other weeks.”

So we went, although Chris conveniently “forgot” the bag containing the lesson manual and had to go back home for it after dropping me and the kids off. The question is, do we get positive points for attending, or negative points for our attitudes? And are angels really silent notes taking? I guess that question is irrelevant since now I’m not-so-silently posting our grievances on our public blog. Just trying to make the angel’s job a little easier.

Blissfully Ignorant

2009-10-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

I was a theater major in college. I never finished school, and I think that deep down I knew I wasn’t going to have a career in the theater arts, but I had had such an amazing experience participating in theater on a high school level that I just wasn’t ready to give it up yet. I attended Utah State for four semesters, during which time I had a couple of really great roles in some student directed plays, but it wasn’t until my last semester there that I landed the female lead in the university production of Our Town.

Sometime during the rehearsal process I was hanging out in the theater department and I noticed an envelope with my name on it posted on one of the bulletin boards by the office. Inside was a letter from another student who I had never officially met. I don’t even think we had any classes together. This was ten years ago, so I don’t remember exactly what it said, but it went something like this:

Dear Shannon,
I was very upset about not getting the role of Emily and I took out my anger on you. I’ve said a lot of bad things about you, like how you’re not a very good actress and that you didn’t deserve the role. That wasn’t fair of me and I’m sorry. Good luck with the production!
Sincerely,
Name

I was stunned when I read it. And it kind of pissed me off, but not for the reasons you might think. I wasn’t mad at her for having talked trash about me, we’ve all done stuff like that from time to time; I was mad at her for telling me. Before her letter I was going along blissfully ignorant (which just happens to be one of my favorite states of mind by the way). I was enjoying rehearsals and working hard on developing my character. Then all of the sudden… BAM… everything changed. I became extremely self conscience and paranoid, worried that everyone hated me and thought I was a crappy actress. It kind of put a dark cloud over what could have been a wonderful experience for me. Maybe she really meant well, but the only point I saw for her writing me that letter was to ease her conscience and make herself feel better.

I’m not quite sure how to segue way into the point of my post, which is the idea that sometimes honesty is not the best policy. Take a husband for example, who during a rocky time in his marriage, breaks his vows and has a one night stand with a co-worker. Let’s say that it only happens once and leaves him feeling much shame and regret. He recommits to making things work in his marriage, and two years later he’s in a much better place. He and his wife are happy, but thoughts of his infidelity haunt him, and he wonders if and how he should come clean. You can imagine his therapist and friends encouraging him to “do the right thing.” Telling him, “she has a right to know” and “if you want your marriage to work you can’t have any secrets.” But I think that is incorrect. If he really has recommitted himself to his marriage and it really was a one time thing, what is the point of telling his wife? It is his burden to bear in silence, and putting that burden on his wife in order to ease his own conscience is, in my opinion, selfish and cruel.

What do you guys think? Taking the exact same scenario, would you want to know about your spouse’s infidelity? Or would you, like me, prefer to remain blissfully ignorant? Am I off my rocker on this one, or do you kind of agree?

I gooot friends in Loooow places...Where the whiskey ruuuns and the bla bla bla

2009-10-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

Posted by Chris (you should know what to expect by now)

Disclaimer: I wrote this post under the influence of my emotions. Be cautious.

Hey, so there is something really frustrating that I would like to talk about today ladies and gentlemen. By frustrating I really mean annoying but I want to use a less offensive word in case any of my friends or loved ones fall into this category. I must admit that I have probably been guilty of the annoying pet peeve that I am about to talk about as well so mostly I just want to explore the issue to confirm that it really is my problem to deal with. In fact the more I think about it the more I realize that it is. If you don’t mind I will still share it with you.

I noticed a few years ago that I have a very eclectic group of friends. I have friends that are very Conservative and I have friends that are very Liberal. I have friends that are incredibly religious and I have friends who are Atheists. I have friends that are into Art, music, and Theatre and friends that are into sports and ninja skills (maybe those shouldn’t be grouped together). I have friends who only feel comfortable in polo shirts and friends whose arms are covered with beautiful tattoos. My point is not to say I am sooo popular (in a cheerleader voice) because really I probably like all my friends more than they like me but they still let me hang with them and we talk about anything and everything. One thing I am very proud of is the fact that none of my friends would be offended by discussing a view or belief that is in direct conflict with their own opinions. I loooove it when I have friends together and they talk about issues that they disagree on. They are never rude or disrespectful. I think all of my associations are very classy people and would never stoop to manipulation or mean(ness) to get a point across. I adore you all. You have done so much to shape my views of this world.

My frustration I think is of a cultural nature. I noticed that many of my friends share my LDS faith. Many of these people I met in High School or work situations and when we get together it’s nice to have someone who is familiar with LDS culture who can share ideas and discuss events and changes that only an LDS person would care about. This is one area of interest that I share with these people but it is never the defining point of our friendship.

Here’s the point I’ve been trying to get to. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think I ever initially met ANY of my LDS friends within a church related context. I’m talking about Elder’s Quorum, Church activities, Sunday School, etc. Yet all of my LDS friends participate in these activities. It makes me question if we would have become as tight as we are now had we initially met with me serving in the capacity of ,say, a home teacher. As much as the church encourages social interaction and forming friendships I have to admit that it’s hard to be honest and open with my humanness in front of church peers. I don’t know if this is good or bad. Maybe you can help me.

Here’s my philosophy on the subject if you will bear with me a little longer. For a drama-seeking individual like myself the idea of a society where everyone believes the same way has ZERO appeal. I am not looking forward to the apocalypse where all evil people are destroyed by fire and the righteous are all living happily together free from the evil worldliness that we are currently surrounded with. The same goes for heaven (That joke about not wanting to go to heaven because they don’t like to have any fun comes to mind) If it is like the contained socializing that happens at church BBQ’s I’m bored already.

When we LDS folks get together why are we so obsessed with maintaining the impression that we are perfect? Seriously! That we have never laughed at a sacrilegious Simpson’s episode? That we have never seen an R rated movie that was beautiful and inspiring and made us want to be better people? That some actor/actress wasn’t smoking hot in a certain movie? That sometimes we break our fast early or go to church late? That we sometimes fall asleep during conference? That we ate (coffee containing) Tiramisu at a restaurant last night. That we read a novel that contained a sex scene or some “F” bombs. That we like to get it on with our spouse because they are smoking hot and not because we have an obligation to bring babies down from heaven. That we actually GAMBLED with M&M’s or quarters to make a game of poker more interesting? That we spent money on the Sabbath buying some cold medicine for our sick spouse? It goes on and on and on my friends. Some of you may be thinking that I am Satan’s mouth piece right now but please allow me to be very opinionated for a moment.

Your imperfections (at least deviations from the norm) are usually what make you interesting. I wouldn’t like you if you ever achieved your goal of perfection because then we wouldn’t have anything in common. This idea of playing the role of a perfect person is so out of touch with what makes this life beautiful. I say “playing a role” because I think we are all just faking this ideal because we don’t really have a clue what a perfect person would be like. I wish we could study Christ’s interactions with the sinners that he dined with. We are trying to judge the world and convert the world at the same time. It’s hard to know if someone who thinks different from yourself is your enemy or a possible convert.

My wife recently became involved with a book club with several women from Relief Society. At the first meeting they discussed which books might be good to read. Shannon had done some research online and found a highly recommended book for reading groups because of the many interesting discussion topics it raised and proposed it for the discussion. Although Shannon loves books that contain a little controversy that shake things up ( a characteristic that I adore about her), she decided to recommend one of the most conservative of all the books that she had researched. The group decided that Shannon’s recommendation sounded like the most interesting book and that it would be the first book they would read.

The week passed and the day before the next meeting Shannon received a call from a good friend of hers in the group who told her that many of the other group members were offended by the content of the book and would not be participating in the discussion. This was a little concerning to Shannon who began leafing again through the assigned material TRYING to find some of the offensive content and was dumbfounded. Then she came across a curse word that she deduced must have been the cause of the controversy. The line was appropriate for the character speaking it and was a necessary choice in establishing her true mindset. Judging the value of this literary work based on a single word is really just saying that you refuse to acknowledge that there are people in the world who swear.

Shannon showed up the next evening with the book they had originally agreed on and discovered that she was the only one who brought it. The other women in the group thought the best solution to this problem would be to choose another book and discuss that book as though the first book had never been chosen. Unfortunately no one bothered trying to contact Shannon about this change who obviously felt a little self-conscious about bringing the book that had been shunned by majority opinion. No mention was made about the previous selection. No one asked why Shannon brought it or how she felt about the change or if she even knew about it. No one attempted to soften the obvious blow instead they decided the best way to address this problem was to speak of their disgust and offense in private to one another and then pretend as though the previous book had never been proposed. Excellent solution! That way you don’t actually have to talk out loud about anything uncomfortable. What a great way to avoid conflict!

I’m so proud that these women were so willing to stand up to their convictions that there should be no people in the world who think differently than themselves and make my wife feel like shit (don’t worry this is the only curse word in my post. You can read safely on). Maybe it’s best if we take every opportunity to let the rest of the world know how much more we love the lord than they do. Seriously, would he really approve of this behavior?

I’m sorry (not really) but this is pathetic and incredibly inconsiderate. I’m sure that these LDS women are trying to improve themselves and be Christ like but many of us have different views about how Christ would choose to interact with common people.

Let’s think for a moment…..Would you say that Christ’s teaching approach was more of a “help people to learn and understand his wisdom for themselves” kind of approach or more of a “help people understand what is good by making them feel crappy when they act differently from my own personal beliefs” approach . Can’t you just envision the twelve apostles giving a new convert the silent treatment for talking about the outdated wisdom of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? “Didn’t you get the memo loser? We’re better than that now.”

What is helpful about expressing how offended you are at something if all you accomplish is offending someone else? If they don’t agree with you is there a possibility that they are just not on the same page as you (because they are not yet as wise and experienced as yourself)?

The level of sarcasm in this post is shameful I know.

I have many great LDS friends but I have a problem with not being myself. The cool thing is that when we are outside of this type of situation we DO act human. We have to! It’s not healthy psychologically to suppress our opinions all the time. I think that if this book club was a neighborhood book club and not a Ward book club these women might still hold their opinions but they would take the opportunity to help others understand their mindset and maybe (at the same time) even open themselves up to a little constructive criticism. Maybe complete censoring of the outside world is not the best solution to help people come to a knowledge of the truth.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone I’m just really frustrated with this. My friends are honest with me about the goods, bad, trials, and successes they experience that make life great. I love them for this. I know the Christ-like response is to never get really offended by anything a fellow church member says or does but it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes we can feel hurt, out of place, or even ostracized for being ourselves.

Is there any wisdom that you can impart to me? Am I just a Drama-seeking artist? Do any of you agree that this is a reoccurring frustration within our highly religious culture?

I am now willing to accept your advice and/or condemnations. I promise I won’t be offended if you put me in my place……..(maybe). Thank you for your time.

Judgment Day: Why I think God Has His Work Cut Out For Him written by Chris

2009-09-03T20:10:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This ended up being a really long post. So you might not want to bother continuing if you don’t have a few minutes. I won’t be offended I promise. I need to keep practicing the art of the quick blog post I know. Anyway, don’t take anything too seriously. I just think it’s fun to think about this stuff.

One thing that I have always felt good about in my religious tradition is the belief in a truly compassionate, father-like God. A just, unbiased lawgiver who cares about everyone equally (the parable of the shepherd going after the few lost sheep comes to mind). It is so much easier to connect with a god who just understands everything perfectly. He has experienced everything and has perfect empathy for your situation. He can see the big picture and he knows when and where you have gone wrong and is interested in helping you find the correct path.

I have read about the various gods worshipped in the temple religions of the ancient world and they seem so emotionally detached and unconcerned with their loyal followers. They come across as very egocentric, requiring only demonstrable admiration and reverence. Interestingly enough personal morality was not even a requirement of the ancient polytheistic religions of the Middle East, nor the Aztec and Mayan religions, the early Hindu religion, or even the folk religions of Asia. These gods mostly just wanted to have lots of rituals performed and lots of animals killed and eaten by a devoted priesthood on their behalf. This was all that was needed to please them. They did not, for the most part, really care if you thought impure thoughts, lied, stole or dealt unjustly with your neighbor. This seemed so strange to me when I first read about it since I assumed that all religion has always been, in some way, about self-purification or refining your personal character to conform to a more celestial standard. Apparently I was wrong.

I’ve always been pleased with my understanding that god is personally involved with my progressive journey through life as well as the life of every one of his children. I was taught that he is not distant and unconcerned, nor is he interested in having his ego stroked by redundant rituals.

Part of God’s role is also to be a perfect judge. He is the only one qualified for the role because he’s the only one who has all the evidence. Many religions share the belief that after this life there will be an answering for your actions; A weighing of your good deeds against your bad, an evaluation of the purity of your heart, and then a consequential reward or punishment based off of your test scores. Often times the subjective nature of right and wrong becomes so unclear that we are happy to declare that we are unqualified to judge other people’s actions (judge not that ye be not judged). God is the only one who can see the situation in all of its complexity and make an appropriate verdict and we’ll leave him to it.

But compare the type of Judge that God is to say, a common judge that we would find in one of our court buildings. One of these judges is probably not declaring verdicts based off of a familial love for those on trial and a sincere desire for their future happiness. In fact we might be angered to discover that a judge is acting on such bias. I would assume that he would be more concerned with the safety of everyone else in society who might be endangered by the criminal’s possible future actions.

So how can God actually be totally empathetic with all of his children? Where does he draw the line and hold an individual accountable apart from the preconditions and involuntary factors that have contributed to their choices and personality? For example let’s say someone commits a murder motivated by racism. How much more is the situation complicated (for a loving judge) if it is performed by someone who has been indoctrinated since birth with the idea that it is God himself who has declared (in scripture) that violence is justified against certain groups of people? Is it then forgiven? Is part of it forgiven? Does he get any points for honorably observing the rules of God as he knows them, or nothing for just being flat wrong in the end?

Now, to further illustrate this dilemma, think of some of the most despicable sinners you can envision such as pedophiles, rapists, murderers, thieves, adulterers etc. We don’t need to speculate what awaits them after judgment do we? If the kids who shot up all those students in Columbine don’t have a world of hurt waiting for them in the next life then there is no real justice right? We may be wrong on some of the small things but truly evil acts are easy to spot and identify right? They happen to good people, and they are carried out heartlessly. They are chaotic in nature and make us feel powerless and afraid.

Imagine, for a moment, what the back story of one of these villains might be. How were they raised? What type of a home did they come from? What was their relationship with their parents like? Has their view of the world been molded in any way by anything a family member or peer has impressed upon them? Have they been raised in a racist culture? What about their biology? Have there been any chemical abnormalities that they have had to deal with or handicaps that limit their judgment? What about their ability to empathize? Are there any imperfections in their brain? Are they chemically depressed? How have these chemical imbalances influenced their view of the world? Did their mothers smoke or drink while they were developing? What other characteristics have been involuntarily chiseled into their genetic makeup by past ancestors?

Epigenomes, for example, record information such as how well your great, great grandfather ate as a child. That information is passed through to your DNA and your chemicals and appetites are adjusted based off of that information in order to increase your posterity’s chances of survival. Sometimes however within a short period of time our situations change dramatically and we are still programmed to get a lot of something if given the opportunity because it should (theoretically) be in short supply such as sex and food. Your desire for these things is strongly influenced by the living circumstances of your ancestors. If you struggle with your appetites it is, in part, because of these influences in your genetic makeup.

I’m not saying it is justified to indulge in these things, only that it complicates a truly fair judgment of your soul. Can an individual be judged apart from these factors? If not then it seems that your post mortal inheritance is a matter of how the dice fall for you. Guess what? You lack the brain function to properly empathize and relate with others. You are what we call a Sociopath. Enjoy hell. If god still loves the “real” you in the next life you can bet the victims you killed will be giving you the cold shoulder.

To me it often seems that the people we want most to rot in hell tend to be people who have been very unhappy and tortured during their existence. They may have succeeded in their efforts to destroy the happiness of others but the consequences of these actions (even during life) will not decrease their anxiety or personal conflict. Is festering hatred a form of suffering? Destructive behavior reflects such inward traits as fear, shame, hurt, or powerlessness. For whatever poor reasoning a villain might give for their actions, I’m pretty sure they, like everyone else, are trying to define happiness on their own terms and see their actions as justified based on their definition. We can hate them for their ignorance but how does God see them knowing exactly where that ignorance took root?

Do you ever catch yourself condemning someone who has just made really bad decisions? Does a chain-smoker, for instance, who forks out wads of cash every day to continue his habit, the whole while decreasing his over-all health and quality of life, really need our judgments on top of his own self-inflicted punishment? After suffering through lung cancer does God really need to give him an additional kick in the pants for disrespecting his bodily temple? Hasn’t he reaped the reward of his ignorance? Maybe somebody warned him that smoking leads to unhappiness and addiction before he lit his first stick but did he really know how foolish the decision was at that time? He was ignorant true, but wasn’t his flawed reasoning really attempting to secure future happiness, perhaps through acceptance by his peers?

I am not necessarily trying to justify wicked actions (BTW I don’t think smokers are wicked) but if you are like me, you probably think “It’s a good thing that god has the ability to take everything into consideration before making a judgment. I’ll just leave it to him to work out.”

But where do all those preconditions end and where do you (the one on trial) begin? How far does God have to dive into your background check files before deciding to try you as a spiritual adult? At what point can he say “you should know better.”

To complicate things further I think we should also recognize the influence of a force of unperceived, evil beings bent on our destruction who have the ability to influence our actions, or at least provoke situations and thoughts that target our vulnerabilities. If an evil spirit is tempting one person, doesn’t that mean that he isn’t tempting someone else? How does God look upon individuals who made a mistake based off of enormous unrelenting pressures from Satan’s followers while someone else is ignored? I think this would complicate things even more for God. You can’t say that in his final judgment he wouldn’t take into consideration the fact that some people are pummeled with Satanic temptations while some are not? Whose actions are on trial? yours or your tempters? I get the idea that Satan isn’t that concerned with tempting everyone in a fair, even-handed manner. But if God is to correct the chaos brought by Satan, his judgment must accommodate those tested unfairly. Is it better when you think a sinful thought or when it is placed in your mind from Satan? How come we seem totally capable of coming up with bad ideas unassisted (not that we can judge which ideas those are)? You might respond that the only thing that matters is your response to the temptation wherever it comes from but wouldn’t it be a tougher test for someone who is receiving more temptation?

Many of these thoughts may ring of cognitive dissonance. There may be no way of knowing if there is any substance to these ideas and they are quite possibly all bull crap. There is probably a simple explanation that could clear up all confusion on the matter and I’m sure at least one reader will have all the answers. Personally, I feel that it is still important to allow ourselves the freedom to explore such issues. I disagree with the idea that curiosity is dangerous. I think we should always be asking questions, even the ones that we know will more than likely never be answered. I even think we should ask questions that challenge and test the firmest beliefs we have. Sometimes it makes them stronger.

I don’t have a clue about how god judges people (Big surprise I know). I don’t know that he even does except for what I read in scripture and am told by prophets. Apparently it’s not that big of a concern that we know the details. Perhaps it’s for the best. What prophets do tell us is that God loves us and has the perspective to understand what really matters for us in the long run. He promises the most fulfilling and lasting happiness imaginable to us if we stretch ourselves. That is at least a very comforting idea.

Anyway I hope I didn’t waste your time if you were under the impression that this rambling post was leading somewhere. Sometimes it’s interesting to consider things from a different perspective though isn’t it?

Congratulations! It must take real effort to be such an ass!

2009-07-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

During my time in the hospitality industry I have had my share of encounters with rude guests. But every now and then one will rub me the wrong way and get under my skin so badly that I have a really hard time getting over it. So as part of my self diagnosed therapy I’m going to blog about these encounters as they happen.

Today’s encounter was with a guest who had a problem with our security policy which requires us to see picture ID before reissuing suite keys.

Guest: I left my key in my room and I need another one.

Me: (Cheerfully)Yes sir, what’s your room number please?

Guest: 123, Smith

Me: Great, (I begin making key) I just need to see some picture ID.

Guest: (Starts to reach around for his back pack and hesitates) I’ll show you my ID, but my name is not the name on the room. But I’m not a terrorist so just give me a key.

Me: (Still smiling but very sympathetic) I’m sorry, Sir, but I can’t give you a key if your name is not on the room. Would it be possible to contact the Smith’s and have them authorize us to give you a key?

Guest: (Clearly angry) Wh-what? Hmpf! No. This is ridiculous! I’m not a freaking terrorist!

Me: I don’t think you are, sir, but we have this policy in place to protect our guests. I’m sure you can appreciate that.

Guest: What I would appreciate is you letting me into my damn room instead of standing there wasting my time.

Me: I understand. Are you sure there’s no way of getting a hold of them?

Guest: Yeah, they’re in the room.

Me: (Trying to hide my annoyance) They’re in the room?

Guest: Yeah!

Me: (thinking then why the F do you need a key?) Perfect! I’ll give the room a call.

I begin dialing room 123. It rings. There’s no answer.

Me: There’s no answer.

Guest: This is ridiculous! How would I know that the smiths are in room 123 if I wasn’t with their party?! You’re wasting my time and my time is money! (Keep in mind that it’s a Saturday and this guy is dressed like a complete granola tree hugger and had just come back from the climbing gym.)

Me: I’m sorry sir,
(but your belligerence and impatience is very suspicious to me. How do I know you’re not trying to get into the room of your estranged wife, so you can be there waiting to beat the crap out of her for leaving you. That happened in a Danielle Steel book I read.)

Then he said something really stupid that I still don’t really get
Guest: How would you like it if I came in here while you were working and asked you to come out and wash my car?

Me: (Blank stare)

Guest: You’d say no, because you’re working and time is money.

Me: Oh. my. gosh. (“Oh my gosh” is the closest I have ever come to having a confrontation with a guest.) Tell you what, I’ll just walk you to your room myself and then if you can show me something in the room with your name on it, like a luggage tag or something, we’ll call it good.

Things were tense as we walked so to lighten things up I said:
Me: I know are policy seems really strict, but we really do have our guest’s best interest in mind. Have you ever seen one of those 20/20 specials…

Guest: I don’t watch TV.

Me: Oh… well… I’ve seen one where they send undercover people into hotels to see how easy it is to obtain keys to just any room from hotel clerks that aren’t doing their jobs properly. I like to assure our guests that we take their security very seriously here.

Guest: Yeah, because EVERYONE’s a terrorist, or a crook, or a robber, or a murderer. Well I don’t chose to live my life like that. I trust people! I try to see the good in people!

We walked the rest of the way in silence.

Chris Brewer's reflections essay "If I could live for as long as I wanted, it would be..."

2009-06-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

Have any of you ever wondered how long you would want to live if you could actually decide such a thing? I don’t just mean until you are old but rather if you could decide to live for say 500 years or even 1000 or more? Is it silly to suggest that we would ever want it to end if we had the option of immortality?

Let’s think about it. To make such a decision would first require us to decide what it is about our lives that have made them so worth living. Then we would have to decide if those experiences, continued indefinitely, had a shelf life.

Imagine that you just found out that you had a few days to live and you were forced to look from this moment back at what experiences were the most meaningful to you. What would they be? Would it be a culmination of moments that you spent with loved ones? Would it be the feelings of mastering a certain discipline or skill set? Would it be pleasurable or thrilling experiences? Hot sex? Extreme sports? Breathtaking views in exotic locations? What are the exact things that you have experienced that you would want to continue living for in order to continue experiencing?

Now let’s consider what we do for the majority of our lives. We survive. The specifics have changed since the days of cavemen but our lives are still a matter of survival. We don’t hunt bears with spears but if we want to continue living we have to do the hunting equivalent of our day which means getting a stable job and spending most of our waking hours going there and coming home and going there and coming home and going there….

Some people feel that you should try to find a job that brings you some fulfillment as you do it; something that uses your natural gifts. Others seem to think that your quality of life will be best improved by getting a high paying job ( not necessarily enjoyable) that will give you higher quality experiences outside of work. Your house will be nicer. Your kids will go to nicer schools. You will travel farther, more often, and stay in nicer hotels. Either way you have to compromise a huge chunk of your life toward solving the problem of hunger, shelter, and security. The point of this tangent is just to demonstrate that those quality experiences mentioned earlier are probably few and far between in this extremely laborious and repetitive thing called life.

Now throw in the idea of how our value of experiences is affected by the fact that they are fleeting and do not last. It is the same reason why giving flowers is a precious gift because they will soon fade and die. Why do plastic flowers seem so pathetic? Because they are permanent. They have no vitality, freshness, or energy. Life, even in plants, is valued because it doesn’t last. You are lucky because you are there to witness the flowers in the perfect moment before they wilt. Similarly, how are the experiences we mentioned above affected when you remove this significant factor of impermanence from your life?

Are breathtaking views just gorgeous because you may never see them the same way again? Are moments with friends and loved ones so precious because you are not always able to maintain the same closeness throughout your life? Is a skill special because it is the only one you have been able to develop within your allotted time?

I love my sweet wife more today than ever. But I love her for different continually evolving reasons. When I kiss her now my thoughts and actions are informed by more recent events and feelings. Are moments in our past more special because of who we were when they occurred and what our situation was at the time? Our personalities, bodies, lives, priorities, everything continually change. If they did not we would not value those moments.

So if we could choose to live as long as we wanted, would there be a line where we might recognize that we lose something by becoming too familiar with it? Does a well lived life have to include this element of impermanence?

Most people are afraid of death. However many of us believe that our relationships and purpose stretch beyond our deaths. The faith that I was raised with has taught me that all people will be doing stuff forever. Some people will have the freedom to do more things than others but going on is mandatory whether in an inescapable state of bliss or hell. It definitely seems that meeting millions more people, learning all that there is to learn and building everything there is to build will still have a time frame ( though very freak’n big) affixed to it where it will begin to lose value. Would there be a point where even an exalted being would say “It’s been an amazing ride. I’m grateful for every moment-but it needs to end.”?

Do you ever find yourself thinking about this kind of thing? I do all the time and it leads me to conclude that all that really matters is happening right now. The experience that I may one day be remembering as something that made life worth living could be this moment if I’m paying attention. I hope that the excitement really does go on after death and I hope that the concept of eternal progression, which is something that I can’t possibly make sense of with my limited mind, is an exciting reality waiting for me and my loved ones. But whether it is or not still does not affect the significance or beauty of the current moment. In fact you have to admit that you would value your time even more if you believed that it would end at death. Sometimes I wonder if my beliefs in eternal life actually distract or take away from what is happening right now in order to hope and plan for something great that will come in the uncertain future.

Anyway...Bla bla bla. Back to the original question. I think I would want to live for about 400 years. That seems about right. I would learn how to shred on the guitar, sculpt like Michelangelo, speak a few different languages, hang out in most of the prettiest locations in the world, and become the greatest lover to grace the sheets of Shannon’s bed (It doesn’t sound as impressive if I mention that I’m the only lover that has ever graced Shannon’s sheets. But after 400 years I’m sure I would be pretty incredible. Yeah 400 seems about right to me. What do you think?

Clickity-click-click

2009-06-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

What do y’all think of acrylic nails? I think they’re kind of ridiculous. They’re so flashy and silly, totally impractical, and in my opinion a little indulgent (much like my blog). And expensive!

Have you ever noticed how women with acrylic nails seem to move their hands differently, strangely, kind of prissy-like and limp wristed? It seems like they’re trying to show them off, but if you’ve ever worn them you know that’s just the way you have to move in order to do the little, every day tasks. Suddenly things like buttoning up your jeans, opening a can of coke, or pulling your credit card out of your wallet make you look like you’re trying to be a QVC hand model. And that “clickity-click-click” sound they make when typing on a key board?! Shoot me now! The whole thing reminds me of a little girl clomping around in her mommy’s high heels.

I always feel compelled to compliment women with nails like this. Even when I think it’s tacky I find myself ooohing and ahhing over them out of a sense of obligation. Like when someone gets a really drastic and obvious hair cut and you feel like you have to give the obligatory compliment to avoid any awkwardness. That’s how I feel when I see fake nails.

So feeling the way I do, what on earth compelled me to go into the nail salon for a pedicure and leave with a full set of acrylic nails?! I seriously have NO idea how it happened or what I was thinking. It’s like I was possessed… someone had taken over my body.

I was filled with dread during the whole ride home, thinking of all the other things I could have spent that 35 bucks on. That’s practically my whole monthly allowance. No one had seen them yet and I was already humiliated and preparing in my head what to say when given the obligatory compliment, “Ooooh, your nails are so pretty.” Maybe something like, “Oh, I never do this, but my friend talked me into it.” or “Oh, I know they’re silly, but I just thought I’d try them for fun.” Or just, “I’m going to a wedding.”

But to make it worse, Topher noticed them first thing when I walked in the door. He tugged on them and asked, “Cool! Can I hold them. I won’t lose them. I’ll put them in my pocket and keep them safe.” I explained that they are glued on and can’t come off. To which he said, “No fair! Can I have some claws like that?” Several times throughout the night he commented on how sharp my claws are, “Like a dragon! Or a bear!”

Thanks Topher.

*Disclaimer: My apologies to any acrylic nail wearers who might be reading this. Please don’t be offended. I’m sure that your nails look beautiful, natural, and not at all like claws.

The appeal of Bad Boys- Open discussion Saturday

2009-05-23T11:47:00.000-07:00

Ladies, tell me, what is it with us and a brooding, moody, melancholy man that get us all hot and bothered? I don’t get it. Why are women so turned on by the Sawyers and the Dr. Houses of the world while nice guys often go unnoticed? Women, who can be other women’s harshest critics, can overlook men’s flaws and be the first to give them the benefit of a doubt, looking at them like wounded puppies that need their love and care in order to thrive and reach their full potential. We don’t see the jerk, we see the lost little boy with a tragic past. We rarely consider the possibility that if he acts like an unfeeling, inconsiderate ass it might be because that is what he is. What’s the saying? If it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck? Yeah... that’s what I’m getting at.

Anyway, I’m not above this. I’ll be forever grateful that when choosing a spouse I had the emotional maturity to select a nice guy (the nicest, actually), but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t root for Team Edward just as much as the next girl or that I can’t recognize the sex appeal in Dr. House. What I don’t understand is why. Is it drama we seek? Does it come from our need to be needed, to nurture, to mend a wounded heart? Or is it our inherent insecurities that make us try to win the favor of cantankerous, unloving men because to succeed would be the ultimate validation of our worth?

So gentle readers, what are your theories?

Who are your bad boy crushes (past and present)?

Is there an equivalent for men towards women, (ie: men being attracted to needy weak women)?

Random Wednesday

2009-05-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

Or Wandom Wednesday, if you prefer alliteration.

• I’ve totally fallen off the wagon. I am at my highest non-pregnant weight ever. I have absolutely NO motivation and NO will power. I’ve set so many goals and have lied to myself so many times that I think I’ve given up. But I can’t for the sole reason that I can’t afford to buy new clothes. Any suggestions?

• My kids eat between 5-8 peanut butter sandwiches a week. Is there anything wrong with that? I justify it by buying whole wheat bread, organic peanut butter, and sugar free jelly.

• My kids are bugging me so bad today. They were literally hanging off my limbs all morning until I finally put Max in his crib and Topher in his room. Nap time came early today (and yet not early enough).

Nothing I do is good enough for them. I can spend an hour sprawled out on the floor playing cars and when I get up to do a load of laundry they freak out. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong as a parent, but my kids can not entertain themselves to save their lives. They won’t even play with each other. They are at all times doing 1 of 3 things: attaching themselves to my side while I try to do everyday tasks; actively playing with me; or watching TV. Is it any wonder I let them watch too much TV? (Then I have that to feel guilty about.) And it’s not like I want them to leave me alone so I can watch TV or read a book, I just want them to leave me alone so I can change the sheets on my bed, clean the kitchen, make dinner, or do one of the other hundred chores I have. For the love of all that is holy!

• I just realized that if I stop eating the same diet as my kids (ie: 5-8 PB&J’s a week) that I might not have such a weight problem.

• Chris and I are going to a matinee of Miss Saigon today, so I have that to look forward to.

• Chex bars really are as good as Melissa claims. They're like the perfect combination of sweet and salty and chewy and crunchy. All for just 130 calories. (Which just means I'll eat more of them.)

And they lived happily ever after.

2009-05-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

The other day Topher and I were talking about families. I was explaining to him that when he has children I will be their grandma. This is the conversation that followed:

Topher: but who will be their mommy?

Me: Your wife. The girl you’ll marry. (Assuming he’s into girls.)

Topher: But I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. (Is it wrong that I’m flattered by this?)

Me: I can’t be your wife. I’m your mommy. And besides, I’m already married to daddy.

Topher: You can be married to both of us. You can be both our wifes.

Me: Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

Topher: But I want to live with you forever. (He knows...Families can be together forever. That is what they're saying in primary after all. Indoctrination starts young).

By this time he was actually starting to sound distraught so to appease him I said:

Me: It’s ok, we can all live together; me and daddy and you and your wife and kids.

Topher: Yeah!! And we can live in a poor house!

Me: A poor house?

Topher: Yeah, a poor house. You know, in the forest. They have funny roofs made of hay and big doors and windows.

Me: Like a cottage?

Topher: Yeah.

Ok guys, all together now, "Awhhhhhh..."

Til death do us part -or- If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.

2009-04-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

My darling husband never wears his wedding ring. EVER. He use to say it was because the wedding band I got him was too thick and too small. So I had it sized. It still sat on top of my jewelry box unworn. I once hid it just to see how long it would take him to notice it was gone. Months later he asked about it. I let him sweat it out for a little while thinking he had lost it before telling him what I had done. He wore it for a maybe a day until it returned to its place on my jewelry box.

I decided to be proactive and for Christmas two years ago I bought him a very nice, light weight, titanium wedding band in a size bigger than his original gold band had been. He wore it off on and for a little while but now it sits among the toothpaste, dental floss, and bleaching trays in our bathroom drawer.

This really bothers me, but not for the reasons you may think. I don't think for a moment that he doesn't wear it because he wants the ladies to think he's available or he wants to be able to peruse chicks with his friends.

It bothers me, and I've very serious about this, because when I die young and he's left a tragic widower with two darling children he'll never have the experience in his grieving process of deciding when is the appropriate time to remove his wedding ring. I like to imagine it being an extremely emotional day a year after my death when he finally decides to move the ring to his right hand in an attempt to begin moving on. And then eventually another year later when he's met someone new I want it to be a big deal for him to take it off all together and put it in a special place where he'll give it to our son someday. It would be nice if he even shed a tear or two.

Is that asking too much?

But the way things are now if I were to die today he'd go to the funeral come home and live his life. Maybe in a few years he'll be going through the bathroom drawer and come across the ring. He'll shrug, stick it in his pocket, forget about it, and put it through the wash where it will never be seen again.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm airing our dirty laundry. But I'm hoping that by putting it out here in the blog world it might motivate him to take it more seriously. Afterall, I might not have much time left...

Oh Mimi, I just can't quit you!

2009-04-08T13:39:00.000-07:00

I used to cringe when I would see a toddler (or worse a preschooler) sucking away on a pacifier. I would instantly judge the parent and vow that my kids would never be dependent on a pacifier. Let me just say that karma is a bitch.

I don’t know how it happened but both my sons are closeted binky junkies. (I say closeted because they’re only allowed to get their fix when they’re in bed.) This arrangement has worked well for all involved. As long as they both have their mimies (that’s what Topher named his when he was 9 months old and the name has stuck) they go to sleep like a dream. Nap time, bed time, no problem! Why would I want to do anything to disturb that?

But I’ve tried, many times. The first time was right before Max was born. I cut all the nipples off Topher’s binkies. But then when he couldn’t sleep and I was up with a newborn and a toddler I gave in and bought him a new one. We tried a year later when Max was one and Topher had just turned three. But then we moved and the transition was really hard on the boys. They had trouble sleeping and so once again the mimies reappeared. After we were all settled in I was bound and determined to get rid of them once and for all. So we had a visit from the binky fairy. She left a letter telling them to gather all of their binkies and put them in her basket. She promised to take the binkies to the new babies and leave Topher and Max a nice surprise. This worked for Topher for quite a few months. (I had already given in to Max that same night, and continued to stash a binky in his crib.) Then one day, a couple of months ago, I really wanted/needed to take a nap so I told Topher if he took a nap with me I’d let him use his binky “just this once.” I’m ashamed to admit that I made him promise not to tell daddy.

Anyway since then it’s been as though the binky fairy never came. Topher continues to use when he thinks no one is looking. We’ve caught him hiding in his closet to get his fix. Today he had one in each hand and was hiding around a corner. I watched as he closed his eyes and blissfully sucked one of the mimies, he would then replace it with the one in his other hand, close his eyes and suck thoughtfully as though comparing two different kinds of fine wine. I decided then and there that the binkies had to go. So I waited until he wasn’t looking and gathered them all up. He hasn’t asked for one yet, but when he does I’ll just tell him that the binky fairy came and took them again.

Meanwhile I had to put Max down for a nap without one and I can still hear him screaming. "Mimi! Mimi! Mimi!" Poor thing.

I justify that it’s not that bad. They only use it at night/naps. That can’t really hurt they’re teeth can it? Really what’s the big deal? So they like to suck on a little rubber nipple while they fall asleep? What’s wrong with that? As long as they’re not using in public, what’s the harm? I can’t sleep without my bleaching trays in, isn’t that kind of the same thing?

See? I've just talked myself out of going through with this. I’m going to give Max his binky so he can sleep, because I can’t convince myself that there’s really anything wrong with him having it.

Chris is going to be MAD when he reads this.

Sorry Honey.

And I wonder why I can't lose weight? Bad Mommy! Bad!

Follow up to my television addiction

2009-03-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

Wow Friends, I never expected to get so much useful feedback on such a trivial blog! I feel like I should be paying you all for your wise council and validation. It really helped a lot. I have made a few changes based on all of your comments. I haven't gone as far as cutting the cable, but I have cut way back on my television viewing. Also, I bought a used treadmill from craigslist and have made a rule that I can't plop down to watch TV until I've done at least an hour on the treadmill first. The hour on the treadmill gives me 100% justifiable TV time. I could even justify watching the Bachelor if I was on a treadmill the whole time, but I won't. I won't. You all called me out on that one, and I'm really grateful. (I guess I'll have to rely on Brian's blog for my pop culture fix.) I've also talked to Chris about canceling our satellite subscription and upping our netflixs from 2 movies at a time to 4. This would definitely make all of our TV watching much more deliberate and conscientious. (BTW Dave, I have The IT Crowd in my Queue but it hasn't been released yet.) I think we'll do that when this season ends and everything goes to reruns.

I had mistakenly thought that if I wasn't watching TV then I would have to be doing something more productive, like paying bills or doing a special cleaning or organizing project around the house. I guess I thought that there was something wrong with down time. So now that I've realized it's not an either/or situation I've taken your suggestions and started mixing up my down time a little more. I've read a couple books, played guitar with Chris, and engaged in more deep and meaningful conversations with my husband (which may or may not be a euphemism for sex). My ultimate goal is to discontinue commercial television all together and only watch DVD's, but I'm not there yet.

Thanks again, friends, for all of the great comments and insights. You rock my blog and my world.

Might as well face it I'm addicted

2009-03-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

My name is Shannon and I'm addicted to television.

Seriously guys, it's bad. I don't watch TV during the day but every night it's the same thing: I put the kids in bed by 7:30. I tidy up and from 8:30-11 my fat butt is planted on the sofa in front of the telly.

Here's my line up:

Monday: House and The Bachelor (Although The Bachelor just ended and I am vowing to never watch another season again.)
Tuesday: Scrubs and Law and Order SVU
Wednesday: American Idol and Lost
Thursday: American Idol, My name is Earl, Kath and Kim, The Office, and 30 Rock
Friday and Saturday: 20/20, SNL, Catch up with the DVR, and Netflix or Redbox movies
Sunday: Desperate Housewives

I record Oprah, The View, and Ellen daily, although I'll only watch it if there is something interesting on.

(And all this is just with our basic cable subscription. If we had more stations I'd have to add Soup, The Daily Show, and who knows what else.)

We have a DVR which allows me to efficiently maximize my television viewing, but all in all I figure I watch close to 24 hours of television a week. Guys, that's 1/7 of my life (more than 1/5 of waking hours) spent doing NOTHING but sitting like a zombie and being entertained!

Think of all I could accomplish if I were to put those hours to good use. I could learn to play an instrument, learn a language or a craft, have deep meaningful conversations with my husband, or catch up with an old friend. I could exercise. The list goes on...

But here's the thing, at the end of the day all I want to do is watch TV. I LOVE television. I find the mind numbing effect it has on me so therapeutic. My day starts at 6AM and doesn't officially end until 8:30 PM when I'm sitting on the sofa with the remote in my hand. (Oh how I love the feel of the remote resting in my palm.) I am spent. I have no energy left to do anything requiring any degree of thought. Even now it's all I can do to get through this blog with thoughts of the new episode of House waiting for me in my DVR.

Am I trying to justify my laziness? Do I need help? Are there support groups out there? Is my brain turning to mush? Should I do something drastic like cancel our satellite subscription? What are your thoughts?

Behind the scenes: Part I

2009-02-25T15:19:00.000-08:00

I've worked in the hospitality industry for most of my adult life. It's not my dream job, but I enjoy it and I'm good at it (at least I like to think so.) I've worked at three different properties (to protect the innocent I won't say where but they're nice places) and have worked in nearly every position starting in food and beverage, then front desk, then front desk supervisor (Yeah, I know, impressive, right?), to my current position of housekeeping manager. I know it's not glamorous, but I really love it. I work with amazing people, I get to speak Spanish everyday, and I make my own schedule where I only have to work three days a week so I can be home more with my babies.

Anyway I thought I'd start a series of blogs about some of the memorable experiences I've had during my 11 years in the industry. In case you've always wondered what goes on behind the scenes of a hotel. (Really, I couldn't think of anything else to blog about.)

Today's blog will be a tribute to The Perverts...

Ah, the pervert. I’ve seen many in my day. Exhibitionists love hotels! Where else could they get off on being overheard by many while having loud, passionate, very vocal, sex without breaking any sort of indecent exposure laws? There’s always the male guest that refuses to leave his room when the room attendant is cleaning. He’ll sit on the sofa in his boxers staring at her the whole time totally getting off on how uncomfortable he’s making the poor girl. Or he’ll ignore her knocking, making her think that the room is unoccupied so that she’ll walk in on him when he’s completely naked. Then he’ll stand there in the buff, completely unfazed with a stupid smile on his face. (This has happened to me more than once.)

The majority of our guest's are long term business men, often staying months at a time. I’ve gotten used to all the porn left under the mattresses, but was caught off guard once when I found a penis pump and anal beads under a dresser of a guest's room. (I should clarify that we were not snooping. We were doing a routine deep clean where we move all the furniture away from the wall to vacuum and clean the baseboards.) This guest had been with us for nearly a year, we knew him well. We also knew his wife and children who would come visit him on the weekends. Because of the way the items were "hidden" we weren't sure if they had been left by the previous guest or if he was storing them there because he didn't want room service to find them. Our dilemma was whether or not to leave them where we had found them, because if they had been left by the previous guest and our current guest found them he would be furious. But if they were his and we took them that could be worse. We ended up leaving them under the dresser. And when he checked out a month later they were gone. I know that having those things doesn't make someone a pervert; it was just kind of embarrassing because we knew this guy. It would be like finding something like that in your dad's room. Weird, you know? (And funny, because sometimes I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.)

We currently have a streaker that frequents the hotel. He’s just someone off the street who walks the halls until he finds a room attendant, exposes himself, does an obscene gesture, and leaves as quickly and quietly as he came. We’ve gotten the police involved but haven’t had any luck in catching him. I've only seen him on our security cameras, but would love to catch him in the act and give him a piece of my mind.

Anyway, that's it for my tribute to perverts. Stay tuned for my next blog which will be a tribute to germaphobes.

25 Things...

2009-02-04T07:47:00.000-08:00

I have really been enjoying reading everyone's list of 25 things on facebook, and being the follower that I am, here's my list:

1. I like knowing other people's "bidnez" (translation: business). If someone has a secret I want to know it. I check my blog list and friend's facebook status for updates at least 8-10 times a day. If I could spy on you or read your diary, I would. I don't consider myself a gossip or a drama seeker, I just really like getting a glimpse into the life and mind of others.

2. Likewise, I feel like my life is generally an open book. I have nothing to hide, and will usually answer any question openly and honestly.

3. I know without a doubt that I am doing what I've always wanted to do most with my life by being a wife and mother, but that doesn't mean that I don't often admire the green grass on the other side of the fence.

4. I love listening to Dr. Laura's radio show even though I think it's made me a very judgmental person.

5. I have gotten pregnant three times without trying. Twice while I was on the pill, and once when we were using a diaphragm. I often feel guilty about this because I have many friends who have not been able to get pregnant easily or at all.

6. If Chris would let me I would be a surrogate mother for a couple that I know.

7. A small part of me is relieved that he won't agree to it, because I know that it would be a lot of work to actually go through with it even though I am 100% sincere in my willingness to do it.

8. Despite my easy pregnancies, I have really hard labors and probably would have died giving birth to both my children if it weren't for modern medicine.

9. I hate going to the gym. I always thought that if I started going consistently it would get easier and that I might even learn to like it, but that is not the case. I've been going consistently 3-5 times a week for months now and each time I have to have a 30 minute dialogue with myself before I can be talked into going begrudgingly.

10. I love to eat. Always have. I can't even say that I am an emotional eater. I eat for the sheer enjoyment of eating, because it is so much fun and feels so good. In fact, I endure the gym as much as I do, not to lose weight, but to be able to eat more.

11. Because of numbers 9 and 10 I will probably always be 20 - 30 pounds overweight. That bothers me sometimes, but never enough to really make the sacrifices necessary to change.

12. I love Ellen DeGeneres, and not the same way you do. I really love her in the most intense way that someone can love a person they've never met. I don't know why. Maybe I knew her in a past life. I have dreams where we're braiding each other's hair or cuddling. And in these dreams I just feel so loved. It's nothing sexual, although I might put up with that if it meant I could have her as my best friend.

13. If I had to choose between the two, I would rather my children be nice and unselfish than smart and successful.

14. I put on a full face of make up every single day. Even the days when I don't leave the house and Chris works his second job and I don't see him at all. I just can't stand looking at myself without it. It only takes me about 4 minutes so I think it's well worth the trouble.

15. My in-laws have always been very nice and loving towards me despite the fact that when we first got married they didn't think I was good enough for their son/brother.

16. I do think that when it comes to our marriage, I got the better end of the deal. How did a girl like me end up with such a stud muffin like Chris?

17. I feel very uncomfortable and often afraid around animals. These feelings have gotten worse the older I am. One of the conditions upon Chris marrying me was that we would never have pets. He agreed even though he's convinced I'm going to change my mind. I'm not. (Although I might be able to get over this if it was a deal breaker for Ellen.)

18. A perfect day for me always includes a 30 minute power nap.

19. I truly believe that money can buy happiness and am prepared to challenge anyone who thinks otherwise. Just give me a few million dollars and I'll happily prove my theory. (This only applies to generally decent people. If someone's a miserable jerk, no amount of money could make them happy.)

20. When I was a little girl I repeatedly tripped and fell on my face (at least this is the way my parents tell the story.) I busted up my lip in the same spot so many times that I looked like I had a permanent fat lip. This never bothered me until I was thirteen and noticed it in a three way mirror. I suddenly became obsessed with my deformity and extremely self conscience about it. When I was sixteen my parents took me to a doctor who cut out the scar tissue and made just one line of stitches on the inside of my lip. This helped a little, but it still bothers me.

21. I have many regrets from my youth but I don't think I would have been able to do anything differently. At the time I couldn't be told what to do and insisted on learning things the hard way.

22. I really dislike talking on the phone. I avoid calling people "just to chat" because I'm afraid of interrupting something their doing. Also I find it impossible to have a conversation on the phone when my kids are around because they always take it as an opportunity to be as annoying as possible. I would much rather correspond in person or via email.

23. Because of this I am a terrible friend when it comes to long distance relationships. (Right, Jessica?) Hell, you can live in the same valley as me and unless we work together or go to church together we probably only see each other a couple of times a year. (Know what I mean, Melissa?) But in my mind our relationship is frozen in time and can be picked up where it was left off as soon as our paths cross again.

24. 90% of the time I think everything that my children say and do is so funny/smart/cute. The other 10% of the time I want to lock myself in my room with a pillow over my head.

25. I would not want to survive an accident which would leave me severely burned or disfigured.

Addicted to The Office

2009-02-02T13:59:00.000-08:00

I love The Office! Seriously LOVE IT! I've often joked about the joy that it brings into my life but it wasn't until last night that I realized just how much The Office means to me. I had our DVR scheduled to record the hour long Office special that was coming on after the Super Bowl. At 8:15 with the kids in bed and the house clean I turned on the TV only to see that we had NO SATELLITE CONNECTION!!! I almost cried (ok, I did cry a little). I really didn't think I'd be able to handle such a huge disappointment, especially after we were all geared up Thursday night for a new episode only to be let down by a rerun. So I called our satellite provider and tried to remain calm as they walked me through resetting everything. When it was up and running I saw that , lo and behold, it didn't start until 8:30! I hadn't missed a second. The universe was smiling on me after all. My incredible disappointment followed by my huge sense of relief really indicated how much I love this show (and perhaps how lame my life is otherwise).

To cut or not to cut? There is no question.

2009-01-17T12:14:00.000-08:00

You know I’m generally of the “live and let live” mentality and don’t try to push my beliefs on others, but this is a human rights issues that I feel I must speak out on. If you've known me for any length of time then it is quite possible that we’ve already debated over this topic and you already know how passionately I feel about it. I recognize what a sensitive topic this is and why it makes people uncomfortable. There are many people who have been circumcised or who have chosen to circumcise their sons who are not ready to face that they have been wronged or have unintentionally caused harm to their sons. I also understand that unless parents actively seek out information on circumcision they’re more likely to have it done simply because it’s still presented as the norm. The day after giving birth to both of my boys someone from the medical staff came in and asked not IF we’d like him to be circumcised but WHEN we’d like to schedule the procedure. Of course I said that we wouldn’t be having him circumcised, but if I had never given it any thought before hand I’m sure I would have gone along with the “routine” procedure. What concerns me is how most parents give more thought into how they want to decorate their nursery, whether to breast or bottle feed, or which outfit to bring their new baby home from the hospital in than whether or not they should allow a painful, unnecessary, surgical performance to be done on their newborn baby. What’s wrong with this picture?

The act of circumcision as a non religious procedure was introduced in the 19th century by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg as a way to stop masturbation. He said, "A remedy [for masturbation] which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision...The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind...” The United States and Canada are the only countries in the world that perform routine circumcisions. I have to quote Joe Cortez, an avid blogger on this topic, because I just couldn’t have said it better myself, “Circumcision of infants is forced cosmetic surgery. The same merit as a tattoo, piercing or rhinoplasty. The foreskin is not a genetic anomaly, nor is it a congenital deformity. The foreskin is a normal, healthy piece of tissue found in all newborn males at birth. The foreskin is not “extra skin,” but standard equipment. Without any medical indication present, infant circumcision is the forced amputation of normal, healthy tissue. It is deliberate pain and injury inflicted on the genitals of a healthy individual male.”

Believe me, I’ve heard and considered ALL of the arguments for circumcision. In fact, I had to do a research paper in college supporting it. It was one of my hardest assignments ever because there just simply isn’t any valid medical research to back the need for routine circumcision. Here are the three basic arguments supporters will give:

1. The circumcised penis is cleaner and more hygienic. To which I say, WHAT?! Since when do we chop off parts of our bodies to avoid having to clean them? When my teeth are dirty I brush them I don’t pull them out. Also, a vagina takes a whole heck of lot more work to maintain and keep clean and fresh, but we don’t cut off baby girl’s labia to facilitate cleaning. Please! We live in a world with soap and water and the ability to shower daily. Why do people continue to hold on to the notion of cleanliness to validate genital mutilation? Both of our son's foreskins are intact, and we have never had any problems keeping them clean. In fact we were instructed to let it be, there is no need to pull back the foreskin and clean it. That is something they will do when they become sexually active or start masturbating.

2. It reduces the risk of urinary tract infections. First of all UTI’s are extremely rare in males. 1 in 125 is the statistic I read. So we’re going to mess with the genitals of 125 boys in order to decrease the chance that one of them might at some time in their life get a UTI which is very treatable and lasts two days? Doesn’t make sense.

3. It reduces the risks of AIDS and other STD’s. Do you know any infants having sex that this would affect? Not me. Besides, condoms are the only way to significantly reduce those risks anyway. If a man’s going to have casual sex and not wear a condom he’s putting himself at great risk whether he’s circumcised or not. Interestingly enough, The US has the highest circumcision rate in the world and also one of the highest Aids rate.

4. The worst reason of all, but probably the most common is; it’s tradition; it looks better; I want my son to look like his dad / brothers etc. When I’ve talked to people that is often time what it boils down to for them. I know people who would look down on a mother who pierced her infant daughter’s ears but think nothing of having her son circumcised. To justify circumcision in this way with all of our education and resources makes us no better then tribes in Africa performing female circumcision with rusty blades or sharp rocks. I know that is so hard to hear, but tell me how it’s not true.

Even if you have been convinced that there are minor health benefits, those perceived benefits are nothing compared to the risks involved. There are risks as rare and severe as botched jobs resulting in castration or the much more common meatal stenosis , which could affect 1 in 10 and is there for life unless surgically corrected. I won’t even go into all the sexual effects it could have on a person because that becomes too subjective, but you can image that cutting off the foreskin which holds the majority of a man’s erotic nerves would have some effect on sexual pleasure. And let’s not dismiss all the pain and trauma that the patient suffers. The fact that it is often performed on babies and they can’t recall it in their conscious memory as an adult doesn’t nullify the effects that it has on a person or make it right in any way. I believe that if parents were required to be present when the procedure took place fewer and fewer would continue doing it.

I just want people to wake up and start giving this the attention it deserves. It’s so easy to speak out against female genital mutilation but much harder to look inward at your own society and culture that is still practicing such a barbaric ritual. To use Joe Cortez’s words again “Circumcision is by definition Genital Mutilation. There is no female genital mutilation or male genital mutilation. There is only genital mutilation. That there are other, more severe forms of genital mutilation is irrelevant. As such it is a violation of human rights and all individuals of both sexes are entitled to the same protection under the law. The principle of taking a non-consenting individual, forcing him/her down and cutting up their genitals to conform to a social norm is one and the same.”

Parents please do not do this to you sons. If they want it later in life they can easily have it done. But it is irreversible and is their decision to make. The truth is it is slowly becoming less and less of a norm and by the time your son is an adult he could really resent you for making that decision for him. I could go on and on but I think I've said my piece. Please feel free to dispute me or leave a comment expressing a difference of opinion.

Mmmmm... sacrelicious.

2008-12-30T08:57:00.000-08:00

Topher just came out of his bedroom with a white blanket over his head saying, "oooooooooooooh... Owwwwwww... Ooooooh... I'm the Holy Ghost..." I laughed so hard because:
A) It was so freaking funny and
B)It totally reminded me of an Eddie Izzard stand up bit.

And in my book Eddie Izzard = Funny!

Check him out: (Or don't if you're easily offended by swears and/or blasphemy)

Total Money Makeover

2008-12-26T12:31:00.000-08:00

My big, fat disclaimer: If you’ve read my previous post, Mirror mirror on the wall…, then you know my feelings on arrogance. So let me just say that this post is in no way an attempt to brag or toot my own horn. If you’re going to take it that way then please stop reading now. I know that money is viewed as a very off limit topic among family and friends, but I feel that the more open we are about the subject the better off we’ll be. (At least that’s what Suze Orman told me.) So at the risk of committing a huge social faux pa, I’m going to talk about money.

For the first time in our married lives, Chris and I are out of debt!!!! (…except for our mortgage…)

This was our new year’s resolution at the beginning of 2008 after we received a copy of Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover from Chris’s brother, Dan, who had read it and was already in the process of his own money makeover. We had accumulated a lot of debt in our first few years of marriage due mostly to student loans, two hospital stays from two unplanned births, a car payment, and the occasional frivolous spending. We thought we were doing everything we could to pay off our debt and were pretty much just planning to trudge along, trying not to accumulate more debt, until we eventually paid everything off. That was before we read this book. I don’t want to sound like I’m doing a paid advertisement for Dave Ramsey so let me just sum it up by saying that we were really inspired by his book and motivated to take action. So instead of just trudging along, we decided to attack our debt with all of our energy, time, resources etc.

Here’s what we did:

1. We refined our budget. We had always had one, but it was never very accurate. We would keep track of our spending and itemize it into categorize, but we never held ourselves accountable for when we went over budget. We just figured it would all work itself out. So the first thing we did was create a budget that changes month to month depending on the income we earned the previous month. If we go over in an area we have to take the money from somewhere else.

2. We both looked for ways to earn extra money. Chris took on extra projects and freelance work. I would work extra shifts whenever Chris had a day off and could be with the kids. I also started babysitting kids on my days off. This has turned out surprisingly profitable for us. I’ve even cleaned people’s homes and taken care of their pets. I’ll pretty much do anything that’s not immoral for money. Keep that in mind, people. :) This money was all considered “bonus money” and would go directly to our debt. Chris’s work bonus, our tax return, birthday money, and our “economic stimulus” money all went to paying off our debt.

3. We did our best to keep spending to a minimum. I’m constantly looking for deals on Craig’s List or KSL for the kid’s clothes or things we need around the house. We tried to only go out once a month. We got rid or our cell phones and now just use prepaid minutes as sparingly as possible. We even sold our second car and put the money towards... you guessed it. (This was not as big of a sacrifice as it sounds because it had actually broken down a year before and when we had an opportunity to get a little money from it rather than pay to get it fixed that’s what we did.) At first it was hard, but I’m to the point now where it’s harder to buy something because I find I get more satisfaction watching my debt decrease and our emergency fund increase than I do when I buy a nonessential. We did not live like monks this year, there is a lot more we could have done if we had wanted to pay it off faster, but for the amount of debt we had we felt like a year was a realistic and moderate goal.

It feels so good to be out of debt. It has really changed the way that we look at money and material possessions. We appreciate what we have so much more now because it’s ours. I would much rather buy something that I can afford than borrow money and pay interest on something nicer, newer, smaller, bigger, faster, fancier, etc. I feel like that’s living a lie. Almost anyone can go finance a nice new car if they’re willing to pay an outrageous interest rate and monthly payment but few people could go pay a few thousand dollars cash to buy a used Toyota corolla. And the sad thing is that in our society when you see them side by side the person in the nicer car (clothes, home, etc.) is often the one that gets your respect and admiration.

Again, the purpose of this post is not to give ourselves a pat on the back for actually following through on a new year's resolution. (Even if it is the first time in my life) It's to let any of you who may be facing the same challenge know that it is possible to get out of debt and that it feels really great. So best of luck to you if you're going to take this on, I know that you will be blessed. Let me know if we can help in any way or if you'd like to borrow Dave Ramsey's book.

Now will 2009 be the year that I finally lose weight?

Chris is coming out and needs your support

2008-12-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to write a blog about my vegetarian diet because I don’t feel like I’ve gotten enough attention and I want to help all the poor unenlightened people to understand the destruction they are bringing upon the world by eating meat like savage beasts. I hope that these thoughts will stay with you and that I can remain in your mind as a visual example of someone who is willing to sacrifice in order to make a difference in this wicked flesh hungry world.

So, I’m kind of a vegetarian and I wanted to talk about it. Cool? We love talking about health don’t we? Every day I hear people talking about their latest health experiment whether it be starting Atkins, South Beach, the Lemon Cleanse, eating smaller portions, eating more meals, drinking more water, or maybe drinking juice made from mystical South American berries. At work or at family functions I always seem to be exchanging ideas about the latest, most effective work-out philosophies. It’s interesting stuff and I love hearing the latest.

So I’m sort of coming out of the closet (at least to some people) that I have seriously cut back on meat for about 6 months now (shameless pat on my own back I know). I think I said that just to refute Dave’s prediction when I started that I wouldn’t be able to stick with it. He knows me pretty well and I like that he has no problem being brutally honest. I said I was “kind of” a vegetarian because I don’t treat it like a religious commandment that others can judge me on for disobeying, nor do I expect anyone else to share my opinions. I hope that it can just be treated like any other diet that people do to improve their personal health. But I have to admit it’s weird that this is the only diet that I have felt an aversion to talk about (considering that I once lived on maple syrup and lemon juice for a week).

Unlike many vegetarians, my reasons are not about morality or ethical treatment of animals so don’t be nervous about me joining the picket line outside of the KFC. When I see a cat for instance, I know very well that if it were bigger it would probably not hesitate to bite my head off and play with it for a while (I actually went through a cat torture phase in my life when I found great joy in adding to my arrogant feline’s anxieties……good times.) So hey, I’m all about dominating the animals yo.

A friend of mine recently said “Imagine how stupid vegetarianism would appear to your starving ancestors. Poor baby, do you have to kill an adorable animal to survive? The fact that you are standing here is proof that your ancestors couldn’t care less about such discrimination when it came to getting through the winter.” That’s a very good point. Vegetarians can seem like pretty ungrateful whiney people I will admit. I worked with a Vegan who loved to tell me everything that was unhealthy about everything I ate; EVEN granola bars which evidently have dangerous amounts of predigested bee vomit (beware). Because my reasons are not religious, I would rather eat meat than have a friend feel awkward or uncomfortable. As a rule I will not turn down a meal that someone has gone out of their way to prepare. These types of occasions are actually quite rare and I feel no guilt about deviating from my diet every now and then.

When I was doing the South Beach thing, I remember the only thing I wanted in the world was CARBS because that was what I was not supposed to eat. My experience with vegetarianism has been quite different. I can honestly say that my desire to eat meat has diminished and has not returned. You know when you are on a diet looking into your fridge, nobody is around and you stare at that forbidden treat knowing that no one else will ever know. I haven’t experienced that temptation at all. I promise I haven’t even tried to get my fix when I’m alone. After a few months of not eating meat I ate a chicken sandwich and expected it to be heaven. I was really disappointed; It wasn’t that great. It was just as I remembered it. I’ve started noticing that meat has been mostly just a texture in my eating experience. Everything that tastes good in a sandwich is not the meat.

I have never felt healthier than when I made this change. I have not lost any energy, quite the opposite. As a personal observation I have also felt more spiritual. This is basically the reason why I am writing this. I am throwing this out there in case any of you are curious and want to experiment as well. I am also writing this to assert my elitist dominance over you impure creatures (I am truthful as well as wise).

We have been raised with a tradition that no meal is complete without a large portion of meat. It almost defines a true meal but I am convinced that physiologically our bodies are still designed to eat a predominantly vegetarian diet even though we are behavioral omnivores. If tomorrow we decided that we wanted to start eating tree bark, our bodies obviously wouldn’t be able to break it down and pull nutrients from it. It’s important to understand what our physiological makeup is designed for in order to be healthy. Both Carnivores and herbivores face different issues when dinner time arrives and have evolved to overcome them. For Herbivores plants are difficult to break down and digest. For Carnivores there food tends to run away. So it follows that herbivores are going to be designed to forage and require long periods of digestion. Carnivores will be designed to be predators that eat large but infrequent meals. (I hope this isn’t boring but I find it fascinating)

Characteristics of carnivores…

-Equipped for short bursts of extreme speed
-limbs are lightened for fast running and are also modified to be weapons
-most vulnerable parts of anatomy are shielded behind a muscular chest
-Incisors are reduced to pointy pegs and canines are like huge, sharp, elongated knives used for ripping flesh
-Their lower jaw does not move from side to side only up and down making their teeth work like a pair of shears.
-They do not chew their food but rather slice off chunks of meat and swallow it whole (think of feeding your cat)
-No digestive enzymes in their saliva
-stomachs are extremely acidic and able to accommodate for huge meals (60-70% of total GI tract).
-meat has no fibre and is therefore easily digested and so the length of their intestine is very short (only 3-6 times their body length) and are optimized for protein and fat absorption.

Characteristics of omnivores….

-They are social animals and live in large herds or communities
-Their limbs are modified for standing and walking long distances for gathering food
-Their nails are blunt and used for digging and peeling
-They have muscular lips, a small mouth opening and well developed cheek muscles which “wall in” their food for chewing
-The teeth rest on top of each other and do not slide past each other scissor style but work rather like a nutcracker
-Lower jaw has a pronounced horizontal side-to-side motion for chewing
-Molars are not sharp and blade-shaped, but are square, and flat-topped.
-many vegetarians have more pronounced canines (Like hippos or gorillas for defense), or shortened and reduced ones such as with horses and humans. Canine teeth do not indicate a design for eating meat
-Plant materials contain large amounts of fibrous material. The end result is that plant foods require extensive processing to extract their nutritional content. Because of this, herbivores consume smaller, more frequent meals and have long elaborate digestive tracts -Their intestines are 10-12 times their body length and have an unlimited capacity for carbohydrate consumption.

Sooooooooooo….where would you classify yourself?

Humans are slow runners with low stamina. We have a carbohydrate-digesting enzyme in our saliva called amylase. Our esophagus does not handle poorly chewed food very well (Over 90% of people who choke to death each year choke on meat). We clearly have a long intestine. When meat goes through our tract, it putrefies and fills our bodies with toxins which can cause cancer and dozens of other problems. Only herbivores have an appendix.

One of the most interesting facts to me is that whenever an herbivore eats animal based products, their arteries begin to be lined with a plaque that will eventually block off blood flow and cause death. Studies have been conducted where dogs are fed cubes of butter for days and NOTHING happens to their blood vessels. Rabbits die in no time when fed animal products. Coronary artery disease is directly linked to eating meat along with most of the diseases of affluence that seem to exist in America and not in places like rural agrarian China.

Ask yourself, “When I see a dead carcass on the road side does my mouth begin to water?” We are absolutely disgusted by meat in its natural form. The slaughtering that carnivores must live for we do out of human sight. The meat just appears in our grocery stores pink and clean. The next thing we do is treat it so that it no longer resembles what it is. We cook it, rub spices into it, and tell ourselves that it is not animal flesh. We just saw that beautiful exhibit “Body Worlds” downtown the other day and every time I saw an arm bone with muscle and tendons on it I thought…drum stick!

Now there are of course other factors to consider. Some lineages of people can handle foods better than others. Most people can digest milk because of the fact that our early ancestors have been drinking it for many millennia. It follows that meat would affect some people more negatively than others but the fact remains that we have not made the full evolutionary step toward becoming carnivores and why would we want to? It’s kind of a complicated system that we have going. Our ancestors no doubt supplemented their diets with protein sources such as nuts, larvae, and meat when they could get it, but we are definitely not designed to handle it in the amounts that our culture has demanded.

I was always under the impression that the reason people from the Amazon and Asia were so small was because of protein deficiency which has been found to be untrue. It is because they did not have a variety of nutrients in their diet. Their options were too limited. I was surprised to find out that meat (not including eggs) has little to no nutritional value. It’s all just protein (yeah yeah B12, but that’s it). I was also surprised to find out how much protein legumes, nuts, and whole grains have.

I don’t care if people eat meat. I agree it’s tasty as hell but what I don’t like from our society in general is the philosophy that it is somehow necessary; That a meal is not complete without it. It isn’t nearly as important as we have been lead to believe. I like to look at it like ice cream. It’s not evil but if I want to challenge myself to be healthier, I should really limit it.

A great book that covers the major research that has been done in this field is “The China Study.” It’s totally changed my thinking.

For those of you still reading (and I suspect Dave may be the only one) I would just like to conclude by thanking PITA for helping the cause by planting an association in everyone’s mind that vegetarians are terrorists that will choose to kill people over adorable puppies. Everyone knows that we vegetarians are just lovable run of the mill condescending elitists. Merry Christmas puppy killers.

The thrill of the hunt?

2008-12-08T12:19:00.001-08:00

Why is it that my one year old will eat food that he finds on the floor... in the garbage... under the sofa that he would never touch if I put it in front of him in his high chair? He'll eat a green pea that he finds on the floor but not one on his plate. Just today he found the heel of a loaf of bread (still in the bag) in the top of the garbage and carried it around nibbling it for more than an hour. Weird.

My (conflicted) feelings on Prop 8...

2008-11-11T19:44:00.000-08:00

The issue of gay marriage has been weighing heavily on my mind lately for obvious reasons. I know that this is just one blog of one million on this extremely delicate topic, but I wanted to get my conflicted feelings out there and receive feed back from all of my readers (all six or seven of you). I'm really lucky to have an amazing and diverse group of friends that always help me see things in a new way. I wish we could all meet in my living room and stay up all night talking, but since we're all so spread out this will have to do...

So, if you had asked me two weeks ago if I supported proposition 8 I would have said absolutely not. No way. Who am I to tell a couple that they can not enjoy the same union of marriage that I find so fulfilling in my own life? I don't feel like homosexuals getting married threatens what I have with Chris in anyway. To me the act of committing oneself to another in a monogamous relationship through marriage is something that can only bring about positive results. These are my personal feelings on the subject and they have remained the same.

What has changed, however, is my understanding towards those who oppose gay marriage. For many of them it's not an issue of gay rights as much as it's an issue of freedom of religion. Fear, which always sells, was used as the main tactic in getting Prop 8 to pass. I'm sure you're all as familiar with this (or more so) than I am, but in case you're not check out this blog:

http://protectingmarriage.wordpress.com/2008/09/14/six-consequences-the-coalition-has-identified-if-proposition-8-fails/

and this article, When Gay Rights and Religious Liberties Clash:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91486191

And even though you can just as easily search for written rebuttals to every argument, once the seed of fear is planted it is not easily removed. So while people may not have a problem with a homosexual's right to marry they don't want to feel forced to condone that behavior in their churches at the risk of being sued or losing their tax exempt status. I can understand that. I can understand how the perceived loss of religious freedom is more threatening to someone than gay marriage.

What I do not understand is all the hate and anger directed specifically towards the LDS church: riots outside the temple, churches being vandalized, blogs being written about wanting to "stick it to those Mormon bastards." It seems so counter productive to their cause. The latest thing is this blog:

http://lds501c3.wordpress.com/

urging people to write the IRS to report how the LDS church violated Section 501(c)(3) of US Code Title 26, which governs tax-exempt organizations in order to get its tax exempt status revoked. Personal feelings aside, I don't think they have a case. I'm sure that the LDS church has a legal team that would have advised against the first presidency's statement regarding prop 8 could there be any legal ramifications. But my point is, isn't this attempt just going to perpetuate the majority's initial fears that lead to the passing of prop 8 in the first place?

I totally understand why this is such a heated topic. My heart goes out to those who feel like their rights are not being recognized and that their voice isn't being heard. But I guess if it were me, I would recognize that the general population just isn't ready to change what they feel is the definition of marriage. They need another few years or so. I've no doubt that in the next decade same sex marriage will be legally recognized in the whole untied states. But in the mean time, I would perform a civil union and take out a living will. But then again I've always been a little passive. I'm a lover not a fighter.

Anyway, I'd love to hear what you all have to say on the topic. So please share, and feel free to correct me where you feel I may have mis-spoke. (You can even correct my spelling and grammatical errors.) Like I said, I learn so much from y'all.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

2008-10-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

The other day one of my really close friends was expressing his complete and utter disdain for an individual that he considers "cheap." I know the object of his disdain fairly well and as far as I can tell this was the individual's only quirk. Aside from his frugality he is a really nice, funny, and caring guy. It kind of bothered me that my friend could not look past that single trait and get to know this individual for the great guy that he is. I asked him about it, explaining that everyone has their quirks: I can be fickle and overindulgent (to name just two), his wife, I pointed out, won't ever make a decision, and Chris can sometimes be a little self centered. Why is it that he can forgive us these quirks and still be our friend but the act of being frugal results in an automatic black listing. To which he replied, "I don't know, It's just not something I can get passed."

At first his answer seemed completely unreasonable, but it got me thinking if there are any character traits that I find unforgivable. And I realized that there is... over confidence in women. I'm saying confident to be fair but the truth is that when I'm around a confident woman I'm really thinking that she is arrogant and conceited. And that is so wrong, because when I'm around a confident man I'm impressed by his confidence and find it a turn on. If he's down right arrogant, I might find it annoying but still a little adorable. I know...HUGE double standard, and from me a former femanista. So then I had to ask myself if I rather someone show false modesty, and the truth is yes I would. I guess I reason that even if I suspect their display of modesty is false in a way they're saying that even though they think they're all that, they at least recognize that maybe not everyone else feels the same. (Unless of course they're just looking for even more validation to their wonderfulness, then that's just sickening.)

At first I thought this was a huge sign of how emotionally immature I am, but it's not that I'm intimidate around successful women. It's not a jealousy thing either. I have some amazing female friends, women that are beautiful, talented, smart, kind, and witty. It's just the act of being cocky (specifically from women) that I find repulsive. At the first sign of arrogance a barrier goes up that will usually prevent us from ever being more than just casual acquaintances.

So I guess that's why we all get to choose who we want to be friends with. I'll no longer pressure my friend to be buddy buddy with a cheapskate.What traits are your deal breakers, and/or are you guilty of having any double standards? Spill it!!

Moving is a bitch!

2008-10-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

On August 25th we put our house on the market. We've been really happy in our current home, but we know it's just a matter of time before we outgrow it, and with the boys getting bigger we really want to have a yard. Our thinking was that with the housing market the way it is IF we could find a buyer, we'd be in a sweet position to buy. My hopes were low, but because we weren't in a desperate situation where we were being forced to move, we were fully prepared to wait months for the right offer to come along. My feelings changed as I realized what a huge pain it is to have your home on the market, keeping it not just clean but "show-ready" all the time with a toddler and a preschooler underfoot was near impossible. Also, because I don't have a car I'd always pack the kids in the stroller and take off to the park during the two to three hour window the agents would give me to show the house only to have them show up late just as I was putting the kids down to nap. This happened often and I found it infuriating!

In the middle of September we received an offer. By the time we were done negotiating counteroffers it was September 22, and part of the buyer's conditions were that we be out by October 1st. Say what?! So that basically gave us 8 days to find a home, make an offer on a home, arrange for a place to live until our new home is ready, pack up, find a storage unit, and move. Crazy! And it's not like we were able to put life on hold while we took care of business. We both still had to work and take care of the boys, although I fear they have been seriously neglected during the past week and a half. (Thank goodness for Nick Jr.)

I've been equating the stress and pain of moving to that of child birth. When you're in the midst of it you're thinking, "Why the hell did I do this to myself!?! This sucks!! I'm miserable! NEVER AGAIN!!!" But once you're all settled into your nice new home (or you're holding that precious new baby in your arms) you forget all the pain and you truly don't remember its intensity until you're going through it again. The problem is, I'm still waiting for my baby! We're currently at the mercies of the good graces of my mom and dad who have taken us in until we can close on our new home. The boys are loving it. I'm afraid they'll never want to leave! But obviously Chris and I are anxious (probably not as anxious as my parents) to have our own place again.

Our new home will be in Herriman. We're going to keep a bunch of $5.00 gas cards on hand to give to anyone kind enough to come visit us because man is it far! I never thought we would be so far west. But we looked at a ton of places and for our price range it was the best home for our money. And it really only adds 10 minutes to our commute each way. It's in a great neighborhood with a huge park right across the street and a library, gym, grocery store, gas station, and restaurants all within walking distance. We're really excited.

I want to give a huge shout out to those who helped us during this crazy move!
1. To Julie and Mike who, when I asked if we could live with them for a few weeks, didn't even hesitate to say yes, even when they thought that it could be as long as three months. They are really sacrificing the comfort and routine of their normal lives to accommodate our family and we really appreciate it! My mom provided endless hours of babysitting while I packed and moved, and my dad helped us move some stuff to the house on Tuesday.
2. To our dear friends Pedro and Paula who helped us pack and took time off of work on Tuesday to spend the entire day helping us move.
3. To our friend and favorite babysitter Alex who spent lots of time helping me pack and taking care of the kids. On Monday night when I was the most stressed she took the boys to the park and to Jungle Jim's and on Tuesday she stayed home from school to help us load the moving van and clean the house. She vacuumed the entire house for me.
4. To Judy and Terry for watching the boys Sunday afternoon.
5. To Robin for watching the boys while we house hunted.

We could not have done it without you all so thank you!!! And please let us know when we can return the favor!! If you're upset that you didn't make the list, don't worry, we'll be needing many more kind hearted volunteers to lend a hand when we move into our new home. :)

Trickle Down Economics, Let's hash it out

2008-10-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

Don't be too disappointed that it is another Chris Post.

I do not consider myself a very intelligent person, but I am generally very
curious and really want to understand some things better, especially politics.
Luckily for me I am surrounded by exceptional family and friends who are sharp
and informed. This election has motivated me to try to dive deeper into politics
than I have ever before attempted. I have many criticism of both of our dominant
political parties but would like to continually provoke discussion on some fundamental topics that I don't hear enough about. I appreciate how professional and classy all of my associations have been as far as not stooping to the loaded manipulative language that we get from our general media. I'm so proud you.

Lately I have been trying to better understand "trickle down" economics and if
this approach has been valuable to our country. I have attached a link to an
article that is critical of Reagan era changes to the economy. The reason I
think this article may be valuable is because of the the information presented from the the Census Bureau regarding household income. (it is all cited and linked to the Census Bureau website) This writer argues that the intention of trickle down policies was never to benefit the poor from the beginning which I don't necessarily believe. But whatever the true motivation, it is important to evaluate how it has done.

Please, if you have time and would like to share your opinion, review the graphs and information presented here and let me know what you think. Is there additional information and statistics that you feel counter the claims in this article? Please share. I just want to use this article to spur a dialogue between friends and family on this subject.

If the information presented by the Census Bureau is correct, it would seem that
a trickle down approach to economics has had a 20 year trial to make its case
and has failed to benefit our society as a whole. Instead, it has increased the gap between the rich and poor. Though the economy has prospered, that money has never made it down to the middle and lower class who has averaged the same salary since the 70's. When taking into consideration how many more women are working and how much more accessible credit is, that fact is staggering. Do you disagree with this
information? Is there something that is not being taken into consideration? Please share what you know on the subject. I don't want people to use the reasoning that if you reject this approach you have to subscribe to the opposite extreme ( Ex. The whole dissing on a Democrat President to defend stupid policies of a Republican one, or vice versa ) I want an honest weighing of pros and cons. I would not ask your opinions if they did not mean a lot to me. Please share your opinion on the subject even if you do not feel entirely informed.

Thank you everybody for your participation. Be patient with me if you feel I am naive, but now is your chance to lay it down. Thank you.

here is the link

http://rationalrevolution.net/war/trickle_down.htm

Ellen + Portia = Forever

2008-09-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all you know how I feel about my girl Ellen. I haven't crushed on a girl so hard since my kick boxing instructor at Gold's Gym. Chris used to find it amusing how I'd make up excuses to talk to her after class and at how nervous and giddy I'd get around her. But those feelings pale in comparison to how I feel about Ellen. Ah... So it's with much love and and equal amount of jealousy that I congratulate Ellen and Portia on their summer nuptials.

No matter your feelings on same sex marriage, you'd have to be a robot to not be touched by this video. Check it out...

A disturbing insight regarding VP Sarah Palin (A rare post by Chris)

2008-09-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody. Since her amazing introductory speech at the Republican Convention last week, VP candidate Sarah Palin has been the hottest topic of conversation within all of my social circles. My friends, family, and co-workers have been talking about little else other than this firecracker who impressed us so much with her speech. Most people agree that Palin has been an excellent choice to balance out many of the concerns that people have against Senator John McCain. Some even think she has stolen the spotlight from him. Right now even Republicans seem to want someone who is not afraid to take on their own party to help it return to the traditional standards for which it originally stood. Sarah Palin has left a strong impression of being just that sort of person. However, I recently came across a reply post from a woman named Anne Kilkenny, a resident of Wasilla Alaska who has known Sarah Palin since 1992. She is on a first name basis with Sarah as well as her parents and in-laws. She is extremely active in attending city council meetings and has always been heavily involved in her community. She has submitted a very detailed review of Palin's work in Wasilla that I think sounds pretty legitimate but of course needs to be followed up on (She has posted her e-mail for people to folow up with to ensure that her information is not fabricated). I would be interested to know what other people's responses are to this post and if you think this opinion has legitimate weight. I'm not trying to be contentious. We all know she gave a really impressive speech, but I would like to hear some dialogue about some of the issues discussed in this posting. I think that this election is something for the history books. I have never known an election that has brought people into the issues more than this one. We are all very involved. I know that political issues, though very frustrating at times, are important for us to understand and I would like to encourage other people to discuss these issues in a non aggressive way. Thank you.

Here is the link

http://my2bucks.wordpress.com/2008/09/02/a-letter-from-someone-who-has-known-sarah-palin-since-1992/

Why it’s phat to be fat… for me anyway.

2008-09-08T14:45:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I’ve been fat. Even when I was thin I was fatter than other girls my age. If you’ve known me for any length of time I’m sure you’ve been aware of some time that I’ve been on one crazy diet or another in an attempt to lose weight. Well, not anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I have no plans to let myself go completely, I just REFUSE to allow my weight to be an issue of stress and insecurity any longer. Why this change of heart? I think in part it’s because with the birth of my babies I’ve seen my body do amazing things. It’s really hard to loath a body that for nine months was the home and sole source of nutrients for the two most important people in my life.

Also, in the process of becoming more self aware, I’m trying to set realistic goals for myself. I am simply never going to be super skinny. I love food way too much. I dare say I love food more than the average person. It would require way more work and sacrifice than I am willing to give at this time. As it is, I feel like I work damn hard to maintain my current weight. I try to make it to the gym 3 times a week and I’ll occasionally slip in one or two extra work outs at home. I watch what I eat to a certain extent. 8 days out of 10 I really am ok with what I look like. I don’t love being in a swim suit, but I don’t avoid activities that require one either. I can pack one kid in a baby back pack and put two in a stroller, walk a mile to the park in the hot sun and not get winded. And, as my good friend Melissa pointed out a long time ago, I only take up one seat on an airplane.

I’ve also discovered how my fat serves me. (Let’s be honest, if it didn’t I might make it a higher priority to lose weight.)

Reason #1: Women aren’t intimidated around me. I give them a basis of comparison where they always come out ahead. In a social situation women are always happy to see someone among them who is fatter than they are, I’m that girl! It makes them feel better about themselves and also helps them feel comfortable eating. They can look at what I serve myself and as long as they don’t eat more they’re in great shape. Who doesn’t love a girl who can eat?! I can get away with talking and being friendly to their husbands without them feeling threatened in any way.

Reason #2: I can and do really enjoy food. I usually eat one sweet treat a day, something I couldn’t get away with if I was trying to be supper skinny. Also, if I miss a work out here or there I don’t stress about it.

Reason #3(my favorite reason): People assume that I’m GREAT in the sack. Let’s face it, when people see a really attractive guy with a chubby girl they think, “Wow! She must be a real generous lover!” Now I’m not going to confirm or deny anything, but I like it being assumed that I’m a good lay.

Watch out for the Mama Bear!

2008-09-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

We took the boys to Arctic Circle for ice cream tonight. Topher quickly finished his ice cream cone so that he could play in their in-door play ground. A little boy (who I'll refer to as Booger for the sake of the story) was standing in the entrance and as Topher passed him Booger kicked him in the shin! Topher looked a little stunned but continued in and headed towards the slide. I immediately approached Booger (who looked to be at least 8 years old) and told him, "I saw that! Why did you kick him?" -no answer. I lowered my voice a little and looked Booger square in the eye and said, "I'm going to be watching you." He looked kind of scared and then walked away.

Not a minute later Booger saw Topher at the top of the slide and ran up to deliberately block him from coming down. Booger was in Topher's face, and Topher didn't know what to do. This time I loudly charged towards him saying, "HEY! Stop being so rude! He's a little kid. Let him go down." I know, scary right? I can trash talk with the best of them. Booger pushed past him, Topher went down the slide, and I went back to the table where Chris and Max were sitting. Chris hadn't seen anything, but when he saw me he said, "was that you yelling at other people's kids?" Damn straight. So obviously I had been loud enough that everyone outside of the play area could hear, and yet none of the parents seemed the slightest bit concerned that A)some stranger was yelling at their child, or B)that their child was being a bully.

I decided to stay in the play area until it was time to go, thinking that my presence would be enough to discourage Booger from picking on my three year old anymore, but before I knew it Booger had Topher cornered again, this time he had one of his friends block the back entrance of a tube while Booger blocked the front where Topher was trying to exit. Booger was holding a piece of string in both hands, teasing Topher by pressing it against Topher's face and neck.

This time I spoke as loudly as I could without yelling and said, "Where are your parents? Where are they?"

"I'm not telling you," Booger answered, in a classic 'you're not the boss of me' type of voice.

"Fine! I'll just go out there and ask who the parents are of the little boy in the blue stripped shirt who likes to be mean to little kids, and then I'll tell them that you aren't playing very nicely!" I threatened. This time Booger looked a little concerned.

But I was so mad and embarrassed by then that I just picked up the boys and left. As I was leaving I saw Booger go out and sit by his parents who still hadn't done a thing during this whole encounter. Grrrrrrrr! I was fuming the whole way home. I was angry, but I was also concerned that perhaps I had overreacted. Chris assured me that I hadn't saying that he feels like it's important for kids that age to feel the awkwardness and embarrassment of having another adult angry at them when they behave like a jerk. It's how they learn what's appropriate behavior in a social situation.

Have any of you ever yelled at someone else's child? Please share.