Behind the scenes: Part I

I've worked in the hospitality industry for most of my adult life. It's not my dream job, but I enjoy it and I'm good at it (at least I like to think so.) I've worked at three different properties (to protect the innocent I won't say where but they're nice places) and have worked in nearly every position starting in food and beverage, then front desk, then front desk supervisor (Yeah, I know, impressive, right?), to my current position of housekeeping manager. I know it's not glamorous, but I really love it. I work with amazing people, I get to speak Spanish everyday, and I make my own schedule where I only have to work three days a week so I can be home more with my babies.

Anyway I thought I'd start a series of blogs about some of the memorable experiences I've had during my 11 years in the industry. In case you've always wondered what goes on behind the scenes of a hotel. (Really, I couldn't think of anything else to blog about.)

Today's blog will be a tribute to The Perverts...

Ah, the pervert. I’ve seen many in my day. Exhibitionists love hotels! Where else could they get off on being overheard by many while having loud, passionate, very vocal, sex without breaking any sort of indecent exposure laws? There’s always the male guest that refuses to leave his room when the room attendant is cleaning. He’ll sit on the sofa in his boxers staring at her the whole time totally getting off on how uncomfortable he’s making the poor girl. Or he’ll ignore her knocking, making her think that the room is unoccupied so that she’ll walk in on him when he’s completely naked. Then he’ll stand there in the buff, completely unfazed with a stupid smile on his face. (This has happened to me more than once.)

The majority of our guest's are long term business men, often staying months at a time. I’ve gotten used to all the porn left under the mattresses, but was caught off guard once when I found a penis pump and anal beads under a dresser of a guest's room. (I should clarify that we were not snooping. We were doing a routine deep clean where we move all the furniture away from the wall to vacuum and clean the baseboards.) This guest had been with us for nearly a year, we knew him well. We also knew his wife and children who would come visit him on the weekends. Because of the way the items were "hidden" we weren't sure if they had been left by the previous guest or if he was storing them there because he didn't want room service to find them. Our dilemma was whether or not to leave them where we had found them, because if they had been left by the previous guest and our current guest found them he would be furious. But if they were his and we took them that could be worse. We ended up leaving them under the dresser. And when he checked out a month later they were gone. I know that having those things doesn't make someone a pervert; it was just kind of embarrassing because we knew this guy. It would be like finding something like that in your dad's room. Weird, you know? (And funny, because sometimes I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.)

We currently have a streaker that frequents the hotel. He’s just someone off the street who walks the halls until he finds a room attendant, exposes himself, does an obscene gesture, and leaves as quickly and quietly as he came. We’ve gotten the police involved but haven’t had any luck in catching him. I've only seen him on our security cameras, but would love to catch him in the act and give him a piece of my mind.

Anyway, that's it for my tribute to perverts. Stay tuned for my next blog which will be a tribute to germaphobes.

25 Things...

I have really been enjoying reading everyone's list of 25 things on facebook, and being the follower that I am, here's my list:

1. I like knowing other people's "bidnez" (translation: business). If someone has a secret I want to know it. I check my blog list and friend's facebook status for updates at least 8-10 times a day. If I could spy on you or read your diary, I would. I don't consider myself a gossip or a drama seeker, I just really like getting a glimpse into the life and mind of others.

2. Likewise, I feel like my life is generally an open book. I have nothing to hide, and will usually answer any question openly and honestly.

3. I know without a doubt that I am doing what I've always wanted to do most with my life by being a wife and mother, but that doesn't mean that I don't often admire the green grass on the other side of the fence.

4. I love listening to Dr. Laura's radio show even though I think it's made me a very judgmental person.

5. I have gotten pregnant three times without trying. Twice while I was on the pill, and once when we were using a diaphragm. I often feel guilty about this because I have many friends who have not been able to get pregnant easily or at all.

6. If Chris would let me I would be a surrogate mother for a couple that I know.

7. A small part of me is relieved that he won't agree to it, because I know that it would be a lot of work to actually go through with it even though I am 100% sincere in my willingness to do it.

8. Despite my easy pregnancies, I have really hard labors and probably would have died giving birth to both my children if it weren't for modern medicine.

9. I hate going to the gym. I always thought that if I started going consistently it would get easier and that I might even learn to like it, but that is not the case. I've been going consistently 3-5 times a week for months now and each time I have to have a 30 minute dialogue with myself before I can be talked into going begrudgingly.

10. I love to eat. Always have. I can't even say that I am an emotional eater. I eat for the sheer enjoyment of eating, because it is so much fun and feels so good. In fact, I endure the gym as much as I do, not to lose weight, but to be able to eat more.

11. Because of numbers 9 and 10 I will probably always be 20 - 30 pounds overweight. That bothers me sometimes, but never enough to really make the sacrifices necessary to change.

12. I love Ellen DeGeneres, and not the same way you do. I really love her in the most intense way that someone can love a person they've never met. I don't know why. Maybe I knew her in a past life. I have dreams where we're braiding each other's hair or cuddling. And in these dreams I just feel so loved. It's nothing sexual, although I might put up with that if it meant I could have her as my best friend.

13. If I had to choose between the two, I would rather my children be nice and unselfish than smart and successful.

14. I put on a full face of make up every single day. Even the days when I don't leave the house and Chris works his second job and I don't see him at all. I just can't stand looking at myself without it. It only takes me about 4 minutes so I think it's well worth the trouble.

15. My in-laws have always been very nice and loving towards me despite the fact that when we first got married they didn't think I was good enough for their son/brother.

16. I do think that when it comes to our marriage, I got the better end of the deal. How did a girl like me end up with such a stud muffin like Chris?

17. I feel very uncomfortable and often afraid around animals. These feelings have gotten worse the older I am. One of the conditions upon Chris marrying me was that we would never have pets. He agreed even though he's convinced I'm going to change my mind. I'm not. (Although I might be able to get over this if it was a deal breaker for Ellen.)

18. A perfect day for me always includes a 30 minute power nap.

19. I truly believe that money can buy happiness and am prepared to challenge anyone who thinks otherwise. Just give me a few million dollars and I'll happily prove my theory. (This only applies to generally decent people. If someone's a miserable jerk, no amount of money could make them happy.)

20. When I was a little girl I repeatedly tripped and fell on my face (at least this is the way my parents tell the story.) I busted up my lip in the same spot so many times that I looked like I had a permanent fat lip. This never bothered me until I was thirteen and noticed it in a three way mirror. I suddenly became obsessed with my deformity and extremely self conscience about it. When I was sixteen my parents took me to a doctor who cut out the scar tissue and made just one line of stitches on the inside of my lip. This helped a little, but it still bothers me.

21. I have many regrets from my youth but I don't think I would have been able to do anything differently. At the time I couldn't be told what to do and insisted on learning things the hard way.

22. I really dislike talking on the phone. I avoid calling people "just to chat" because I'm afraid of interrupting something their doing. Also I find it impossible to have a conversation on the phone when my kids are around because they always take it as an opportunity to be as annoying as possible. I would much rather correspond in person or via email.

23. Because of this I am a terrible friend when it comes to long distance relationships. (Right, Jessica?) Hell, you can live in the same valley as me and unless we work together or go to church together we probably only see each other a couple of times a year. (Know what I mean, Melissa?) But in my mind our relationship is frozen in time and can be picked up where it was left off as soon as our paths cross again.

24. 90% of the time I think everything that my children say and do is so funny/smart/cute. The other 10% of the time I want to lock myself in my room with a pillow over my head.

25. I would not want to survive an accident which would leave me severely burned or disfigured.

Addicted to The Office

I love The Office! Seriously LOVE IT! I've often joked about the joy that it brings into my life but it wasn't until last night that I realized just how much The Office means to me. I had our DVR scheduled to record the hour long Office special that was coming on after the Super Bowl. At 8:15 with the kids in bed and the house clean I turned on the TV only to see that we had NO SATELLITE CONNECTION!!! I almost cried (ok, I did cry a little). I really didn't think I'd be able to handle such a huge disappointment, especially after we were all geared up Thursday night for a new episode only to be let down by a rerun. So I called our satellite provider and tried to remain calm as they walked me through resetting everything. When it was up and running I saw that , lo and behold, it didn't start until 8:30! I hadn't missed a second. The universe was smiling on me after all. My incredible disappointment followed by my huge sense of relief really indicated how much I love this show (and perhaps how lame my life is otherwise).