Til death do us part -or- If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.

My darling husband never wears his wedding ring. EVER. He use to say it was because the wedding band I got him was too thick and too small. So I had it sized. It still sat on top of my jewelry box unworn. I once hid it just to see how long it would take him to notice it was gone. Months later he asked about it. I let him sweat it out for a little while thinking he had lost it before telling him what I had done. He wore it for a maybe a day until it returned to its place on my jewelry box.

I decided to be proactive and for Christmas two years ago I bought him a very nice, light weight, titanium wedding band in a size bigger than his original gold band had been. He wore it off on and for a little while but now it sits among the toothpaste, dental floss, and bleaching trays in our bathroom drawer.

This really bothers me, but not for the reasons you may think. I don't think for a moment that he doesn't wear it because he wants the ladies to think he's available or he wants to be able to peruse chicks with his friends.

It bothers me, and I've very serious about this, because when I die young and he's left a tragic widower with two darling children he'll never have the experience in his grieving process of deciding when is the appropriate time to remove his wedding ring. I like to imagine it being an extremely emotional day a year after my death when he finally decides to move the ring to his right hand in an attempt to begin moving on. And then eventually another year later when he's met someone new I want it to be a big deal for him to take it off all together and put it in a special place where he'll give it to our son someday. It would be nice if he even shed a tear or two.

Is that asking too much?

But the way things are now if I were to die today he'd go to the funeral come home and live his life. Maybe in a few years he'll be going through the bathroom drawer and come across the ring. He'll shrug, stick it in his pocket, forget about it, and put it through the wash where it will never be seen again.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm airing our dirty laundry. But I'm hoping that by putting it out here in the blog world it might motivate him to take it more seriously. Afterall, I might not have much time left...

Oh Mimi, I just can't quit you!

I used to cringe when I would see a toddler (or worse a preschooler) sucking away on a pacifier. I would instantly judge the parent and vow that my kids would never be dependent on a pacifier. Let me just say that karma is a bitch.

I don’t know how it happened but both my sons are closeted binky junkies. (I say closeted because they’re only allowed to get their fix when they’re in bed.) This arrangement has worked well for all involved. As long as they both have their mimies (that’s what Topher named his when he was 9 months old and the name has stuck) they go to sleep like a dream. Nap time, bed time, no problem! Why would I want to do anything to disturb that?

But I’ve tried, many times. The first time was right before Max was born. I cut all the nipples off Topher’s binkies. But then when he couldn’t sleep and I was up with a newborn and a toddler I gave in and bought him a new one. We tried a year later when Max was one and Topher had just turned three. But then we moved and the transition was really hard on the boys. They had trouble sleeping and so once again the mimies reappeared. After we were all settled in I was bound and determined to get rid of them once and for all. So we had a visit from the binky fairy. She left a letter telling them to gather all of their binkies and put them in her basket. She promised to take the binkies to the new babies and leave Topher and Max a nice surprise. This worked for Topher for quite a few months. (I had already given in to Max that same night, and continued to stash a binky in his crib.) Then one day, a couple of months ago, I really wanted/needed to take a nap so I told Topher if he took a nap with me I’d let him use his binky “just this once.” I’m ashamed to admit that I made him promise not to tell daddy.

Anyway since then it’s been as though the binky fairy never came. Topher continues to use when he thinks no one is looking. We’ve caught him hiding in his closet to get his fix. Today he had one in each hand and was hiding around a corner. I watched as he closed his eyes and blissfully sucked one of the mimies, he would then replace it with the one in his other hand, close his eyes and suck thoughtfully as though comparing two different kinds of fine wine. I decided then and there that the binkies had to go. So I waited until he wasn’t looking and gathered them all up. He hasn’t asked for one yet, but when he does I’ll just tell him that the binky fairy came and took them again.

Meanwhile I had to put Max down for a nap without one and I can still hear him screaming. "Mimi! Mimi! Mimi!" Poor thing.

I justify that it’s not that bad. They only use it at night/naps. That can’t really hurt they’re teeth can it? Really what’s the big deal? So they like to suck on a little rubber nipple while they fall asleep? What’s wrong with that? As long as they’re not using in public, what’s the harm? I can’t sleep without my bleaching trays in, isn’t that kind of the same thing?

See? I've just talked myself out of going through with this. I’m going to give Max his binky so he can sleep, because I can’t convince myself that there’s really anything wrong with him having it.

Chris is going to be MAD when he reads this.

Sorry Honey.

And I wonder why I can't lose weight? Bad Mommy! Bad!