I gooot friends in Loooow places...Where the whiskey ruuuns and the bla bla bla

Posted by Chris (you should know what to expect by now)

Disclaimer: I wrote this post under the influence of my emotions. Be cautious.

Hey, so there is something really frustrating that I would like to talk about today ladies and gentlemen. By frustrating I really mean annoying but I want to use a less offensive word in case any of my friends or loved ones fall into this category. I must admit that I have probably been guilty of the annoying pet peeve that I am about to talk about as well so mostly I just want to explore the issue to confirm that it really is my problem to deal with. In fact the more I think about it the more I realize that it is. If you don’t mind I will still share it with you.

I noticed a few years ago that I have a very eclectic group of friends. I have friends that are very Conservative and I have friends that are very Liberal. I have friends that are incredibly religious and I have friends who are Atheists. I have friends that are into Art, music, and Theatre and friends that are into sports and ninja skills (maybe those shouldn’t be grouped together). I have friends who only feel comfortable in polo shirts and friends whose arms are covered with beautiful tattoos. My point is not to say I am sooo popular (in a cheerleader voice) because really I probably like all my friends more than they like me but they still let me hang with them and we talk about anything and everything. One thing I am very proud of is the fact that none of my friends would be offended by discussing a view or belief that is in direct conflict with their own opinions. I loooove it when I have friends together and they talk about issues that they disagree on. They are never rude or disrespectful. I think all of my associations are very classy people and would never stoop to manipulation or mean(ness) to get a point across. I adore you all. You have done so much to shape my views of this world.

My frustration I think is of a cultural nature. I noticed that many of my friends share my LDS faith. Many of these people I met in High School or work situations and when we get together it’s nice to have someone who is familiar with LDS culture who can share ideas and discuss events and changes that only an LDS person would care about. This is one area of interest that I share with these people but it is never the defining point of our friendship.

Here’s the point I’ve been trying to get to. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think I ever initially met ANY of my LDS friends within a church related context. I’m talking about Elder’s Quorum, Church activities, Sunday School, etc. Yet all of my LDS friends participate in these activities. It makes me question if we would have become as tight as we are now had we initially met with me serving in the capacity of ,say, a home teacher. As much as the church encourages social interaction and forming friendships I have to admit that it’s hard to be honest and open with my humanness in front of church peers. I don’t know if this is good or bad. Maybe you can help me.

Here’s my philosophy on the subject if you will bear with me a little longer. For a drama-seeking individual like myself the idea of a society where everyone believes the same way has ZERO appeal. I am not looking forward to the apocalypse where all evil people are destroyed by fire and the righteous are all living happily together free from the evil worldliness that we are currently surrounded with. The same goes for heaven (That joke about not wanting to go to heaven because they don’t like to have any fun comes to mind) If it is like the contained socializing that happens at church BBQ’s I’m bored already.

When we LDS folks get together why are we so obsessed with maintaining the impression that we are perfect? Seriously! That we have never laughed at a sacrilegious Simpson’s episode? That we have never seen an R rated movie that was beautiful and inspiring and made us want to be better people? That some actor/actress wasn’t smoking hot in a certain movie? That sometimes we break our fast early or go to church late? That we sometimes fall asleep during conference? That we ate (coffee containing) Tiramisu at a restaurant last night. That we read a novel that contained a sex scene or some “F” bombs. That we like to get it on with our spouse because they are smoking hot and not because we have an obligation to bring babies down from heaven. That we actually GAMBLED with M&M’s or quarters to make a game of poker more interesting? That we spent money on the Sabbath buying some cold medicine for our sick spouse? It goes on and on and on my friends. Some of you may be thinking that I am Satan’s mouth piece right now but please allow me to be very opinionated for a moment.

Your imperfections (at least deviations from the norm) are usually what make you interesting. I wouldn’t like you if you ever achieved your goal of perfection because then we wouldn’t have anything in common. This idea of playing the role of a perfect person is so out of touch with what makes this life beautiful. I say “playing a role” because I think we are all just faking this ideal because we don’t really have a clue what a perfect person would be like. I wish we could study Christ’s interactions with the sinners that he dined with. We are trying to judge the world and convert the world at the same time. It’s hard to know if someone who thinks different from yourself is your enemy or a possible convert.

My wife recently became involved with a book club with several women from Relief Society. At the first meeting they discussed which books might be good to read. Shannon had done some research online and found a highly recommended book for reading groups because of the many interesting discussion topics it raised and proposed it for the discussion. Although Shannon loves books that contain a little controversy that shake things up ( a characteristic that I adore about her), she decided to recommend one of the most conservative of all the books that she had researched. The group decided that Shannon’s recommendation sounded like the most interesting book and that it would be the first book they would read.

The week passed and the day before the next meeting Shannon received a call from a good friend of hers in the group who told her that many of the other group members were offended by the content of the book and would not be participating in the discussion. This was a little concerning to Shannon who began leafing again through the assigned material TRYING to find some of the offensive content and was dumbfounded. Then she came across a curse word that she deduced must have been the cause of the controversy. The line was appropriate for the character speaking it and was a necessary choice in establishing her true mindset. Judging the value of this literary work based on a single word is really just saying that you refuse to acknowledge that there are people in the world who swear.

Shannon showed up the next evening with the book they had originally agreed on and discovered that she was the only one who brought it. The other women in the group thought the best solution to this problem would be to choose another book and discuss that book as though the first book had never been chosen. Unfortunately no one bothered trying to contact Shannon about this change who obviously felt a little self-conscious about bringing the book that had been shunned by majority opinion. No mention was made about the previous selection. No one asked why Shannon brought it or how she felt about the change or if she even knew about it. No one attempted to soften the obvious blow instead they decided the best way to address this problem was to speak of their disgust and offense in private to one another and then pretend as though the previous book had never been proposed. Excellent solution! That way you don’t actually have to talk out loud about anything uncomfortable. What a great way to avoid conflict!

I’m so proud that these women were so willing to stand up to their convictions that there should be no people in the world who think differently than themselves and make my wife feel like shit (don’t worry this is the only curse word in my post. You can read safely on). Maybe it’s best if we take every opportunity to let the rest of the world know how much more we love the lord than they do. Seriously, would he really approve of this behavior?

I’m sorry (not really) but this is pathetic and incredibly inconsiderate. I’m sure that these LDS women are trying to improve themselves and be Christ like but many of us have different views about how Christ would choose to interact with common people.

Let’s think for a moment…..Would you say that Christ’s teaching approach was more of a “help people to learn and understand his wisdom for themselves” kind of approach or more of a “help people understand what is good by making them feel crappy when they act differently from my own personal beliefs” approach . Can’t you just envision the twelve apostles giving a new convert the silent treatment for talking about the outdated wisdom of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? “Didn’t you get the memo loser? We’re better than that now.”

What is helpful about expressing how offended you are at something if all you accomplish is offending someone else? If they don’t agree with you is there a possibility that they are just not on the same page as you (because they are not yet as wise and experienced as yourself)?

The level of sarcasm in this post is shameful I know.

I have many great LDS friends but I have a problem with not being myself. The cool thing is that when we are outside of this type of situation we DO act human. We have to! It’s not healthy psychologically to suppress our opinions all the time. I think that if this book club was a neighborhood book club and not a Ward book club these women might still hold their opinions but they would take the opportunity to help others understand their mindset and maybe (at the same time) even open themselves up to a little constructive criticism. Maybe complete censoring of the outside world is not the best solution to help people come to a knowledge of the truth.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone I’m just really frustrated with this. My friends are honest with me about the goods, bad, trials, and successes they experience that make life great. I love them for this. I know the Christ-like response is to never get really offended by anything a fellow church member says or does but it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes we can feel hurt, out of place, or even ostracized for being ourselves.

Is there any wisdom that you can impart to me? Am I just a Drama-seeking artist? Do any of you agree that this is a reoccurring frustration within our highly religious culture?

I am now willing to accept your advice and/or condemnations. I promise I won’t be offended if you put me in my place……..(maybe). Thank you for your time.

Judgment Day: Why I think God Has His Work Cut Out For Him written by Chris

Disclaimer: This ended up being a really long post. So you might not want to bother continuing if you don’t have a few minutes. I won’t be offended I promise. I need to keep practicing the art of the quick blog post I know. Anyway, don’t take anything too seriously. I just think it’s fun to think about this stuff.

One thing that I have always felt good about in my religious tradition is the belief in a truly compassionate, father-like God. A just, unbiased lawgiver who cares about everyone equally (the parable of the shepherd going after the few lost sheep comes to mind). It is so much easier to connect with a god who just understands everything perfectly. He has experienced everything and has perfect empathy for your situation. He can see the big picture and he knows when and where you have gone wrong and is interested in helping you find the correct path.

I have read about the various gods worshipped in the temple religions of the ancient world and they seem so emotionally detached and unconcerned with their loyal followers. They come across as very egocentric, requiring only demonstrable admiration and reverence. Interestingly enough personal morality was not even a requirement of the ancient polytheistic religions of the Middle East, nor the Aztec and Mayan religions, the early Hindu religion, or even the folk religions of Asia. These gods mostly just wanted to have lots of rituals performed and lots of animals killed and eaten by a devoted priesthood on their behalf. This was all that was needed to please them. They did not, for the most part, really care if you thought impure thoughts, lied, stole or dealt unjustly with your neighbor. This seemed so strange to me when I first read about it since I assumed that all religion has always been, in some way, about self-purification or refining your personal character to conform to a more celestial standard. Apparently I was wrong.

I’ve always been pleased with my understanding that god is personally involved with my progressive journey through life as well as the life of every one of his children. I was taught that he is not distant and unconcerned, nor is he interested in having his ego stroked by redundant rituals.

Part of God’s role is also to be a perfect judge. He is the only one qualified for the role because he’s the only one who has all the evidence. Many religions share the belief that after this life there will be an answering for your actions; A weighing of your good deeds against your bad, an evaluation of the purity of your heart, and then a consequential reward or punishment based off of your test scores. Often times the subjective nature of right and wrong becomes so unclear that we are happy to declare that we are unqualified to judge other people’s actions (judge not that ye be not judged). God is the only one who can see the situation in all of its complexity and make an appropriate verdict and we’ll leave him to it.

But compare the type of Judge that God is to say, a common judge that we would find in one of our court buildings. One of these judges is probably not declaring verdicts based off of a familial love for those on trial and a sincere desire for their future happiness. In fact we might be angered to discover that a judge is acting on such bias. I would assume that he would be more concerned with the safety of everyone else in society who might be endangered by the criminal’s possible future actions.

So how can God actually be totally empathetic with all of his children? Where does he draw the line and hold an individual accountable apart from the preconditions and involuntary factors that have contributed to their choices and personality? For example let’s say someone commits a murder motivated by racism. How much more is the situation complicated (for a loving judge) if it is performed by someone who has been indoctrinated since birth with the idea that it is God himself who has declared (in scripture) that violence is justified against certain groups of people? Is it then forgiven? Is part of it forgiven? Does he get any points for honorably observing the rules of God as he knows them, or nothing for just being flat wrong in the end?

Now, to further illustrate this dilemma, think of some of the most despicable sinners you can envision such as pedophiles, rapists, murderers, thieves, adulterers etc. We don’t need to speculate what awaits them after judgment do we? If the kids who shot up all those students in Columbine don’t have a world of hurt waiting for them in the next life then there is no real justice right? We may be wrong on some of the small things but truly evil acts are easy to spot and identify right? They happen to good people, and they are carried out heartlessly. They are chaotic in nature and make us feel powerless and afraid.

Imagine, for a moment, what the back story of one of these villains might be. How were they raised? What type of a home did they come from? What was their relationship with their parents like? Has their view of the world been molded in any way by anything a family member or peer has impressed upon them? Have they been raised in a racist culture? What about their biology? Have there been any chemical abnormalities that they have had to deal with or handicaps that limit their judgment? What about their ability to empathize? Are there any imperfections in their brain? Are they chemically depressed? How have these chemical imbalances influenced their view of the world? Did their mothers smoke or drink while they were developing? What other characteristics have been involuntarily chiseled into their genetic makeup by past ancestors?

Epigenomes, for example, record information such as how well your great, great grandfather ate as a child. That information is passed through to your DNA and your chemicals and appetites are adjusted based off of that information in order to increase your posterity’s chances of survival. Sometimes however within a short period of time our situations change dramatically and we are still programmed to get a lot of something if given the opportunity because it should (theoretically) be in short supply such as sex and food. Your desire for these things is strongly influenced by the living circumstances of your ancestors. If you struggle with your appetites it is, in part, because of these influences in your genetic makeup.

I’m not saying it is justified to indulge in these things, only that it complicates a truly fair judgment of your soul. Can an individual be judged apart from these factors? If not then it seems that your post mortal inheritance is a matter of how the dice fall for you. Guess what? You lack the brain function to properly empathize and relate with others. You are what we call a Sociopath. Enjoy hell. If god still loves the “real” you in the next life you can bet the victims you killed will be giving you the cold shoulder.

To me it often seems that the people we want most to rot in hell tend to be people who have been very unhappy and tortured during their existence. They may have succeeded in their efforts to destroy the happiness of others but the consequences of these actions (even during life) will not decrease their anxiety or personal conflict. Is festering hatred a form of suffering? Destructive behavior reflects such inward traits as fear, shame, hurt, or powerlessness. For whatever poor reasoning a villain might give for their actions, I’m pretty sure they, like everyone else, are trying to define happiness on their own terms and see their actions as justified based on their definition. We can hate them for their ignorance but how does God see them knowing exactly where that ignorance took root?

Do you ever catch yourself condemning someone who has just made really bad decisions? Does a chain-smoker, for instance, who forks out wads of cash every day to continue his habit, the whole while decreasing his over-all health and quality of life, really need our judgments on top of his own self-inflicted punishment? After suffering through lung cancer does God really need to give him an additional kick in the pants for disrespecting his bodily temple? Hasn’t he reaped the reward of his ignorance? Maybe somebody warned him that smoking leads to unhappiness and addiction before he lit his first stick but did he really know how foolish the decision was at that time? He was ignorant true, but wasn’t his flawed reasoning really attempting to secure future happiness, perhaps through acceptance by his peers?

I am not necessarily trying to justify wicked actions (BTW I don’t think smokers are wicked) but if you are like me, you probably think “It’s a good thing that god has the ability to take everything into consideration before making a judgment. I’ll just leave it to him to work out.”

But where do all those preconditions end and where do you (the one on trial) begin? How far does God have to dive into your background check files before deciding to try you as a spiritual adult? At what point can he say “you should know better.”

To complicate things further I think we should also recognize the influence of a force of unperceived, evil beings bent on our destruction who have the ability to influence our actions, or at least provoke situations and thoughts that target our vulnerabilities. If an evil spirit is tempting one person, doesn’t that mean that he isn’t tempting someone else? How does God look upon individuals who made a mistake based off of enormous unrelenting pressures from Satan’s followers while someone else is ignored? I think this would complicate things even more for God. You can’t say that in his final judgment he wouldn’t take into consideration the fact that some people are pummeled with Satanic temptations while some are not? Whose actions are on trial? yours or your tempters? I get the idea that Satan isn’t that concerned with tempting everyone in a fair, even-handed manner. But if God is to correct the chaos brought by Satan, his judgment must accommodate those tested unfairly. Is it better when you think a sinful thought or when it is placed in your mind from Satan? How come we seem totally capable of coming up with bad ideas unassisted (not that we can judge which ideas those are)? You might respond that the only thing that matters is your response to the temptation wherever it comes from but wouldn’t it be a tougher test for someone who is receiving more temptation?

Many of these thoughts may ring of cognitive dissonance. There may be no way of knowing if there is any substance to these ideas and they are quite possibly all bull crap. There is probably a simple explanation that could clear up all confusion on the matter and I’m sure at least one reader will have all the answers. Personally, I feel that it is still important to allow ourselves the freedom to explore such issues. I disagree with the idea that curiosity is dangerous. I think we should always be asking questions, even the ones that we know will more than likely never be answered. I even think we should ask questions that challenge and test the firmest beliefs we have. Sometimes it makes them stronger.

I don’t have a clue about how god judges people (Big surprise I know). I don’t know that he even does except for what I read in scripture and am told by prophets. Apparently it’s not that big of a concern that we know the details. Perhaps it’s for the best. What prophets do tell us is that God loves us and has the perspective to understand what really matters for us in the long run. He promises the most fulfilling and lasting happiness imaginable to us if we stretch ourselves. That is at least a very comforting idea.

Anyway I hope I didn’t waste your time if you were under the impression that this rambling post was leading somewhere. Sometimes it’s interesting to consider things from a different perspective though isn’t it?

Congratulations! It must take real effort to be such an ass!

During my time in the hospitality industry I have had my share of encounters with rude guests. But every now and then one will rub me the wrong way and get under my skin so badly that I have a really hard time getting over it. So as part of my self diagnosed therapy I’m going to blog about these encounters as they happen.

Today’s encounter was with a guest who had a problem with our security policy which requires us to see picture ID before reissuing suite keys.

Guest: I left my key in my room and I need another one.

Me: (Cheerfully)Yes sir, what’s your room number please?

Guest: 123, Smith

Me: Great, (I begin making key) I just need to see some picture ID.

Guest: (Starts to reach around for his back pack and hesitates) I’ll show you my ID, but my name is not the name on the room. But I’m not a terrorist so just give me a key.

Me: (Still smiling but very sympathetic) I’m sorry, Sir, but I can’t give you a key if your name is not on the room. Would it be possible to contact the Smith’s and have them authorize us to give you a key?

Guest: (Clearly angry) Wh-what? Hmpf! No. This is ridiculous! I’m not a freaking terrorist!

Me: I don’t think you are, sir, but we have this policy in place to protect our guests. I’m sure you can appreciate that.

Guest: What I would appreciate is you letting me into my damn room instead of standing there wasting my time.

Me: I understand. Are you sure there’s no way of getting a hold of them?

Guest: Yeah, they’re in the room.

Me: (Trying to hide my annoyance) They’re in the room?

Guest: Yeah!

Me: (thinking then why the F do you need a key?) Perfect! I’ll give the room a call.

I begin dialing room 123. It rings. There’s no answer.

Me: There’s no answer.

Guest: This is ridiculous! How would I know that the smiths are in room 123 if I wasn’t with their party?! You’re wasting my time and my time is money! (Keep in mind that it’s a Saturday and this guy is dressed like a complete granola tree hugger and had just come back from the climbing gym.)

Me: I’m sorry sir,
(but your belligerence and impatience is very suspicious to me. How do I know you’re not trying to get into the room of your estranged wife, so you can be there waiting to beat the crap out of her for leaving you. That happened in a Danielle Steel book I read.)

Then he said something really stupid that I still don’t really get
Guest: How would you like it if I came in here while you were working and asked you to come out and wash my car?

Me: (Blank stare)

Guest: You’d say no, because you’re working and time is money.

Me: Oh. my. gosh. (“Oh my gosh” is the closest I have ever come to having a confrontation with a guest.) Tell you what, I’ll just walk you to your room myself and then if you can show me something in the room with your name on it, like a luggage tag or something, we’ll call it good.

Things were tense as we walked so to lighten things up I said:
Me: I know are policy seems really strict, but we really do have our guest’s best interest in mind. Have you ever seen one of those 20/20 specials…

Guest: I don’t watch TV.

Me: Oh… well… I’ve seen one where they send undercover people into hotels to see how easy it is to obtain keys to just any room from hotel clerks that aren’t doing their jobs properly. I like to assure our guests that we take their security very seriously here.

Guest: Yeah, because EVERYONE’s a terrorist, or a crook, or a robber, or a murderer. Well I don’t chose to live my life like that. I trust people! I try to see the good in people!

We walked the rest of the way in silence.

Chris Brewer's reflections essay "If I could live for as long as I wanted, it would be..."

Have any of you ever wondered how long you would want to live if you could actually decide such a thing? I don’t just mean until you are old but rather if you could decide to live for say 500 years or even 1000 or more? Is it silly to suggest that we would ever want it to end if we had the option of immortality?

Let’s think about it. To make such a decision would first require us to decide what it is about our lives that have made them so worth living. Then we would have to decide if those experiences, continued indefinitely, had a shelf life.

Imagine that you just found out that you had a few days to live and you were forced to look from this moment back at what experiences were the most meaningful to you. What would they be? Would it be a culmination of moments that you spent with loved ones? Would it be the feelings of mastering a certain discipline or skill set? Would it be pleasurable or thrilling experiences? Hot sex? Extreme sports? Breathtaking views in exotic locations? What are the exact things that you have experienced that you would want to continue living for in order to continue experiencing?

Now let’s consider what we do for the majority of our lives. We survive. The specifics have changed since the days of cavemen but our lives are still a matter of survival. We don’t hunt bears with spears but if we want to continue living we have to do the hunting equivalent of our day which means getting a stable job and spending most of our waking hours going there and coming home and going there and coming home and going there….

Some people feel that you should try to find a job that brings you some fulfillment as you do it; something that uses your natural gifts. Others seem to think that your quality of life will be best improved by getting a high paying job ( not necessarily enjoyable) that will give you higher quality experiences outside of work. Your house will be nicer. Your kids will go to nicer schools. You will travel farther, more often, and stay in nicer hotels. Either way you have to compromise a huge chunk of your life toward solving the problem of hunger, shelter, and security. The point of this tangent is just to demonstrate that those quality experiences mentioned earlier are probably few and far between in this extremely laborious and repetitive thing called life.

Now throw in the idea of how our value of experiences is affected by the fact that they are fleeting and do not last. It is the same reason why giving flowers is a precious gift because they will soon fade and die. Why do plastic flowers seem so pathetic? Because they are permanent. They have no vitality, freshness, or energy. Life, even in plants, is valued because it doesn’t last. You are lucky because you are there to witness the flowers in the perfect moment before they wilt. Similarly, how are the experiences we mentioned above affected when you remove this significant factor of impermanence from your life?

Are breathtaking views just gorgeous because you may never see them the same way again? Are moments with friends and loved ones so precious because you are not always able to maintain the same closeness throughout your life? Is a skill special because it is the only one you have been able to develop within your allotted time?

I love my sweet wife more today than ever. But I love her for different continually evolving reasons. When I kiss her now my thoughts and actions are informed by more recent events and feelings. Are moments in our past more special because of who we were when they occurred and what our situation was at the time? Our personalities, bodies, lives, priorities, everything continually change. If they did not we would not value those moments.

So if we could choose to live as long as we wanted, would there be a line where we might recognize that we lose something by becoming too familiar with it? Does a well lived life have to include this element of impermanence?

Most people are afraid of death. However many of us believe that our relationships and purpose stretch beyond our deaths. The faith that I was raised with has taught me that all people will be doing stuff forever. Some people will have the freedom to do more things than others but going on is mandatory whether in an inescapable state of bliss or hell. It definitely seems that meeting millions more people, learning all that there is to learn and building everything there is to build will still have a time frame ( though very freak’n big) affixed to it where it will begin to lose value. Would there be a point where even an exalted being would say “It’s been an amazing ride. I’m grateful for every moment-but it needs to end.”?

Do you ever find yourself thinking about this kind of thing? I do all the time and it leads me to conclude that all that really matters is happening right now. The experience that I may one day be remembering as something that made life worth living could be this moment if I’m paying attention. I hope that the excitement really does go on after death and I hope that the concept of eternal progression, which is something that I can’t possibly make sense of with my limited mind, is an exciting reality waiting for me and my loved ones. But whether it is or not still does not affect the significance or beauty of the current moment. In fact you have to admit that you would value your time even more if you believed that it would end at death. Sometimes I wonder if my beliefs in eternal life actually distract or take away from what is happening right now in order to hope and plan for something great that will come in the uncertain future.

Anyway...Bla bla bla. Back to the original question. I think I would want to live for about 400 years. That seems about right. I would learn how to shred on the guitar, sculpt like Michelangelo, speak a few different languages, hang out in most of the prettiest locations in the world, and become the greatest lover to grace the sheets of Shannon’s bed (It doesn’t sound as impressive if I mention that I’m the only lover that has ever graced Shannon’s sheets. But after 400 years I’m sure I would be pretty incredible. Yeah 400 seems about right to me. What do you think?

Clickity-click-click

What do y’all think of acrylic nails? I think they’re kind of ridiculous. They’re so flashy and silly, totally impractical, and in my opinion a little indulgent (much like my blog). And expensive!

Have you ever noticed how women with acrylic nails seem to move their hands differently, strangely, kind of prissy-like and limp wristed? It seems like they’re trying to show them off, but if you’ve ever worn them you know that’s just the way you have to move in order to do the little, every day tasks. Suddenly things like buttoning up your jeans, opening a can of coke, or pulling your credit card out of your wallet make you look like you’re trying to be a QVC hand model. And that “clickity-click-click” sound they make when typing on a key board?! Shoot me now! The whole thing reminds me of a little girl clomping around in her mommy’s high heels.

I always feel compelled to compliment women with nails like this. Even when I think it’s tacky I find myself ooohing and ahhing over them out of a sense of obligation. Like when someone gets a really drastic and obvious hair cut and you feel like you have to give the obligatory compliment to avoid any awkwardness. That’s how I feel when I see fake nails.

So feeling the way I do, what on earth compelled me to go into the nail salon for a pedicure and leave with a full set of acrylic nails?! I seriously have NO idea how it happened or what I was thinking. It’s like I was possessed… someone had taken over my body.

I was filled with dread during the whole ride home, thinking of all the other things I could have spent that 35 bucks on. That’s practically my whole monthly allowance. No one had seen them yet and I was already humiliated and preparing in my head what to say when given the obligatory compliment, “Ooooh, your nails are so pretty.” Maybe something like, “Oh, I never do this, but my friend talked me into it.” or “Oh, I know they’re silly, but I just thought I’d try them for fun.” Or just, “I’m going to a wedding.”

But to make it worse, Topher noticed them first thing when I walked in the door. He tugged on them and asked, “Cool! Can I hold them. I won’t lose them. I’ll put them in my pocket and keep them safe.” I explained that they are glued on and can’t come off. To which he said, “No fair! Can I have some claws like that?” Several times throughout the night he commented on how sharp my claws are, “Like a dragon! Or a bear!”

Thanks Topher.

*Disclaimer: My apologies to any acrylic nail wearers who might be reading this. Please don’t be offended. I’m sure that your nails look beautiful, natural, and not at all like claws.

The appeal of Bad Boys- Open discussion Saturday

Ladies, tell me, what is it with us and a brooding, moody, melancholy man that get us all hot and bothered? I don’t get it. Why are women so turned on by the Sawyers and the Dr. Houses of the world while nice guys often go unnoticed? Women, who can be other women’s harshest critics, can overlook men’s flaws and be the first to give them the benefit of a doubt, looking at them like wounded puppies that need their love and care in order to thrive and reach their full potential. We don’t see the jerk, we see the lost little boy with a tragic past. We rarely consider the possibility that if he acts like an unfeeling, inconsiderate ass it might be because that is what he is. What’s the saying? If it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck? Yeah... that’s what I’m getting at.

Anyway, I’m not above this. I’ll be forever grateful that when choosing a spouse I had the emotional maturity to select a nice guy (the nicest, actually), but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t root for Team Edward just as much as the next girl or that I can’t recognize the sex appeal in Dr. House. What I don’t understand is why. Is it drama we seek? Does it come from our need to be needed, to nurture, to mend a wounded heart? Or is it our inherent insecurities that make us try to win the favor of cantankerous, unloving men because to succeed would be the ultimate validation of our worth?

So gentle readers, what are your theories?

Who are your bad boy crushes (past and present)?

Is there an equivalent for men towards women, (ie: men being attracted to needy weak women)?

Random Wednesday

Or Wandom Wednesday, if you prefer alliteration.

• I’ve totally fallen off the wagon. I am at my highest non-pregnant weight ever. I have absolutely NO motivation and NO will power. I’ve set so many goals and have lied to myself so many times that I think I’ve given up. But I can’t for the sole reason that I can’t afford to buy new clothes. Any suggestions?

• My kids eat between 5-8 peanut butter sandwiches a week. Is there anything wrong with that? I justify it by buying whole wheat bread, organic peanut butter, and sugar free jelly.

• My kids are bugging me so bad today. They were literally hanging off my limbs all morning until I finally put Max in his crib and Topher in his room. Nap time came early today (and yet not early enough).

Nothing I do is good enough for them. I can spend an hour sprawled out on the floor playing cars and when I get up to do a load of laundry they freak out. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong as a parent, but my kids can not entertain themselves to save their lives. They won’t even play with each other. They are at all times doing 1 of 3 things: attaching themselves to my side while I try to do everyday tasks; actively playing with me; or watching TV. Is it any wonder I let them watch too much TV? (Then I have that to feel guilty about.) And it’s not like I want them to leave me alone so I can watch TV or read a book, I just want them to leave me alone so I can change the sheets on my bed, clean the kitchen, make dinner, or do one of the other hundred chores I have. For the love of all that is holy!

• I just realized that if I stop eating the same diet as my kids (ie: 5-8 PB&J’s a week) that I might not have such a weight problem.

• Chris and I are going to a matinee of Miss Saigon today, so I have that to look forward to.

• Chex bars really are as good as Melissa claims. They're like the perfect combination of sweet and salty and chewy and crunchy. All for just 130 calories. (Which just means I'll eat more of them.)

And they lived happily ever after.

The other day Topher and I were talking about families. I was explaining to him that when he has children I will be their grandma. This is the conversation that followed:

Topher: but who will be their mommy?

Me: Your wife. The girl you’ll marry. (Assuming he’s into girls.)

Topher: But I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. (Is it wrong that I’m flattered by this?)

Me: I can’t be your wife. I’m your mommy. And besides, I’m already married to daddy.

Topher: You can be married to both of us. You can be both our wifes.

Me: Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

Topher: But I want to live with you forever. (He knows...Families can be together forever. That is what they're saying in primary after all. Indoctrination starts young).

By this time he was actually starting to sound distraught so to appease him I said:

Me: It’s ok, we can all live together; me and daddy and you and your wife and kids.

Topher: Yeah!! And we can live in a poor house!

Me: A poor house?

Topher: Yeah, a poor house. You know, in the forest. They have funny roofs made of hay and big doors and windows.

Me: Like a cottage?

Topher: Yeah.

Ok guys, all together now, "Awhhhhhh..."

Til death do us part -or- If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.

My darling husband never wears his wedding ring. EVER. He use to say it was because the wedding band I got him was too thick and too small. So I had it sized. It still sat on top of my jewelry box unworn. I once hid it just to see how long it would take him to notice it was gone. Months later he asked about it. I let him sweat it out for a little while thinking he had lost it before telling him what I had done. He wore it for a maybe a day until it returned to its place on my jewelry box.

I decided to be proactive and for Christmas two years ago I bought him a very nice, light weight, titanium wedding band in a size bigger than his original gold band had been. He wore it off on and for a little while but now it sits among the toothpaste, dental floss, and bleaching trays in our bathroom drawer.

This really bothers me, but not for the reasons you may think. I don't think for a moment that he doesn't wear it because he wants the ladies to think he's available or he wants to be able to peruse chicks with his friends.

It bothers me, and I've very serious about this, because when I die young and he's left a tragic widower with two darling children he'll never have the experience in his grieving process of deciding when is the appropriate time to remove his wedding ring. I like to imagine it being an extremely emotional day a year after my death when he finally decides to move the ring to his right hand in an attempt to begin moving on. And then eventually another year later when he's met someone new I want it to be a big deal for him to take it off all together and put it in a special place where he'll give it to our son someday. It would be nice if he even shed a tear or two.

Is that asking too much?

But the way things are now if I were to die today he'd go to the funeral come home and live his life. Maybe in a few years he'll be going through the bathroom drawer and come across the ring. He'll shrug, stick it in his pocket, forget about it, and put it through the wash where it will never be seen again.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm airing our dirty laundry. But I'm hoping that by putting it out here in the blog world it might motivate him to take it more seriously. Afterall, I might not have much time left...

Oh Mimi, I just can't quit you!

I used to cringe when I would see a toddler (or worse a preschooler) sucking away on a pacifier. I would instantly judge the parent and vow that my kids would never be dependent on a pacifier. Let me just say that karma is a bitch.

I don’t know how it happened but both my sons are closeted binky junkies. (I say closeted because they’re only allowed to get their fix when they’re in bed.) This arrangement has worked well for all involved. As long as they both have their mimies (that’s what Topher named his when he was 9 months old and the name has stuck) they go to sleep like a dream. Nap time, bed time, no problem! Why would I want to do anything to disturb that?

But I’ve tried, many times. The first time was right before Max was born. I cut all the nipples off Topher’s binkies. But then when he couldn’t sleep and I was up with a newborn and a toddler I gave in and bought him a new one. We tried a year later when Max was one and Topher had just turned three. But then we moved and the transition was really hard on the boys. They had trouble sleeping and so once again the mimies reappeared. After we were all settled in I was bound and determined to get rid of them once and for all. So we had a visit from the binky fairy. She left a letter telling them to gather all of their binkies and put them in her basket. She promised to take the binkies to the new babies and leave Topher and Max a nice surprise. This worked for Topher for quite a few months. (I had already given in to Max that same night, and continued to stash a binky in his crib.) Then one day, a couple of months ago, I really wanted/needed to take a nap so I told Topher if he took a nap with me I’d let him use his binky “just this once.” I’m ashamed to admit that I made him promise not to tell daddy.

Anyway since then it’s been as though the binky fairy never came. Topher continues to use when he thinks no one is looking. We’ve caught him hiding in his closet to get his fix. Today he had one in each hand and was hiding around a corner. I watched as he closed his eyes and blissfully sucked one of the mimies, he would then replace it with the one in his other hand, close his eyes and suck thoughtfully as though comparing two different kinds of fine wine. I decided then and there that the binkies had to go. So I waited until he wasn’t looking and gathered them all up. He hasn’t asked for one yet, but when he does I’ll just tell him that the binky fairy came and took them again.

Meanwhile I had to put Max down for a nap without one and I can still hear him screaming. "Mimi! Mimi! Mimi!" Poor thing.

I justify that it’s not that bad. They only use it at night/naps. That can’t really hurt they’re teeth can it? Really what’s the big deal? So they like to suck on a little rubber nipple while they fall asleep? What’s wrong with that? As long as they’re not using in public, what’s the harm? I can’t sleep without my bleaching trays in, isn’t that kind of the same thing?

See? I've just talked myself out of going through with this. I’m going to give Max his binky so he can sleep, because I can’t convince myself that there’s really anything wrong with him having it.

Chris is going to be MAD when he reads this.

Sorry Honey.

And I wonder why I can't lose weight? Bad Mommy! Bad!

Follow up to my television addiction

Wow Friends, I never expected to get so much useful feedback on such a trivial blog! I feel like I should be paying you all for your wise council and validation. It really helped a lot. I have made a few changes based on all of your comments. I haven't gone as far as cutting the cable, but I have cut way back on my television viewing. Also, I bought a used treadmill from craigslist and have made a rule that I can't plop down to watch TV until I've done at least an hour on the treadmill first. The hour on the treadmill gives me 100% justifiable TV time. I could even justify watching the Bachelor if I was on a treadmill the whole time, but I won't. I won't. You all called me out on that one, and I'm really grateful. (I guess I'll have to rely on Brian's blog for my pop culture fix.) I've also talked to Chris about canceling our satellite subscription and upping our netflixs from 2 movies at a time to 4. This would definitely make all of our TV watching much more deliberate and conscientious. (BTW Dave, I have The IT Crowd in my Queue but it hasn't been released yet.) I think we'll do that when this season ends and everything goes to reruns.

I had mistakenly thought that if I wasn't watching TV then I would have to be doing something more productive, like paying bills or doing a special cleaning or organizing project around the house. I guess I thought that there was something wrong with down time. So now that I've realized it's not an either/or situation I've taken your suggestions and started mixing up my down time a little more. I've read a couple books, played guitar with Chris, and engaged in more deep and meaningful conversations with my husband (which may or may not be a euphemism for sex). My ultimate goal is to discontinue commercial television all together and only watch DVD's, but I'm not there yet.

Thanks again, friends, for all of the great comments and insights. You rock my blog and my world.

Might as well face it I'm addicted

My name is Shannon and I'm addicted to television.

Seriously guys, it's bad. I don't watch TV during the day but every night it's the same thing: I put the kids in bed by 7:30. I tidy up and from 8:30-11 my fat butt is planted on the sofa in front of the telly.

Here's my line up:

Monday: House and The Bachelor (Although The Bachelor just ended and I am vowing to never watch another season again.)
Tuesday: Scrubs and Law and Order SVU
Wednesday: American Idol and Lost
Thursday: American Idol, My name is Earl, Kath and Kim, The Office, and 30 Rock
Friday and Saturday: 20/20, SNL, Catch up with the DVR, and Netflix or Redbox movies
Sunday: Desperate Housewives

I record Oprah, The View, and Ellen daily, although I'll only watch it if there is something interesting on.

(And all this is just with our basic cable subscription. If we had more stations I'd have to add Soup, The Daily Show, and who knows what else.)

We have a DVR which allows me to efficiently maximize my television viewing, but all in all I figure I watch close to 24 hours of television a week. Guys, that's 1/7 of my life (more than 1/5 of waking hours) spent doing NOTHING but sitting like a zombie and being entertained!

Think of all I could accomplish if I were to put those hours to good use. I could learn to play an instrument, learn a language or a craft, have deep meaningful conversations with my husband, or catch up with an old friend. I could exercise. The list goes on...

But here's the thing, at the end of the day all I want to do is watch TV. I LOVE television. I find the mind numbing effect it has on me so therapeutic. My day starts at 6AM and doesn't officially end until 8:30 PM when I'm sitting on the sofa with the remote in my hand. (Oh how I love the feel of the remote resting in my palm.) I am spent. I have no energy left to do anything requiring any degree of thought. Even now it's all I can do to get through this blog with thoughts of the new episode of House waiting for me in my DVR.

Am I trying to justify my laziness? Do I need help? Are there support groups out there? Is my brain turning to mush? Should I do something drastic like cancel our satellite subscription? What are your thoughts?

Behind the scenes: Part I

I've worked in the hospitality industry for most of my adult life. It's not my dream job, but I enjoy it and I'm good at it (at least I like to think so.) I've worked at three different properties (to protect the innocent I won't say where but they're nice places) and have worked in nearly every position starting in food and beverage, then front desk, then front desk supervisor (Yeah, I know, impressive, right?), to my current position of housekeeping manager. I know it's not glamorous, but I really love it. I work with amazing people, I get to speak Spanish everyday, and I make my own schedule where I only have to work three days a week so I can be home more with my babies.

Anyway I thought I'd start a series of blogs about some of the memorable experiences I've had during my 11 years in the industry. In case you've always wondered what goes on behind the scenes of a hotel. (Really, I couldn't think of anything else to blog about.)

Today's blog will be a tribute to The Perverts...

Ah, the pervert. I’ve seen many in my day. Exhibitionists love hotels! Where else could they get off on being overheard by many while having loud, passionate, very vocal, sex without breaking any sort of indecent exposure laws? There’s always the male guest that refuses to leave his room when the room attendant is cleaning. He’ll sit on the sofa in his boxers staring at her the whole time totally getting off on how uncomfortable he’s making the poor girl. Or he’ll ignore her knocking, making her think that the room is unoccupied so that she’ll walk in on him when he’s completely naked. Then he’ll stand there in the buff, completely unfazed with a stupid smile on his face. (This has happened to me more than once.)

The majority of our guest's are long term business men, often staying months at a time. I’ve gotten used to all the porn left under the mattresses, but was caught off guard once when I found a penis pump and anal beads under a dresser of a guest's room. (I should clarify that we were not snooping. We were doing a routine deep clean where we move all the furniture away from the wall to vacuum and clean the baseboards.) This guest had been with us for nearly a year, we knew him well. We also knew his wife and children who would come visit him on the weekends. Because of the way the items were "hidden" we weren't sure if they had been left by the previous guest or if he was storing them there because he didn't want room service to find them. Our dilemma was whether or not to leave them where we had found them, because if they had been left by the previous guest and our current guest found them he would be furious. But if they were his and we took them that could be worse. We ended up leaving them under the dresser. And when he checked out a month later they were gone. I know that having those things doesn't make someone a pervert; it was just kind of embarrassing because we knew this guy. It would be like finding something like that in your dad's room. Weird, you know? (And funny, because sometimes I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.)

We currently have a streaker that frequents the hotel. He’s just someone off the street who walks the halls until he finds a room attendant, exposes himself, does an obscene gesture, and leaves as quickly and quietly as he came. We’ve gotten the police involved but haven’t had any luck in catching him. I've only seen him on our security cameras, but would love to catch him in the act and give him a piece of my mind.

Anyway, that's it for my tribute to perverts. Stay tuned for my next blog which will be a tribute to germaphobes.

25 Things...

I have really been enjoying reading everyone's list of 25 things on facebook, and being the follower that I am, here's my list:

1. I like knowing other people's "bidnez" (translation: business). If someone has a secret I want to know it. I check my blog list and friend's facebook status for updates at least 8-10 times a day. If I could spy on you or read your diary, I would. I don't consider myself a gossip or a drama seeker, I just really like getting a glimpse into the life and mind of others.

2. Likewise, I feel like my life is generally an open book. I have nothing to hide, and will usually answer any question openly and honestly.

3. I know without a doubt that I am doing what I've always wanted to do most with my life by being a wife and mother, but that doesn't mean that I don't often admire the green grass on the other side of the fence.

4. I love listening to Dr. Laura's radio show even though I think it's made me a very judgmental person.

5. I have gotten pregnant three times without trying. Twice while I was on the pill, and once when we were using a diaphragm. I often feel guilty about this because I have many friends who have not been able to get pregnant easily or at all.

6. If Chris would let me I would be a surrogate mother for a couple that I know.

7. A small part of me is relieved that he won't agree to it, because I know that it would be a lot of work to actually go through with it even though I am 100% sincere in my willingness to do it.

8. Despite my easy pregnancies, I have really hard labors and probably would have died giving birth to both my children if it weren't for modern medicine.

9. I hate going to the gym. I always thought that if I started going consistently it would get easier and that I might even learn to like it, but that is not the case. I've been going consistently 3-5 times a week for months now and each time I have to have a 30 minute dialogue with myself before I can be talked into going begrudgingly.

10. I love to eat. Always have. I can't even say that I am an emotional eater. I eat for the sheer enjoyment of eating, because it is so much fun and feels so good. In fact, I endure the gym as much as I do, not to lose weight, but to be able to eat more.

11. Because of numbers 9 and 10 I will probably always be 20 - 30 pounds overweight. That bothers me sometimes, but never enough to really make the sacrifices necessary to change.

12. I love Ellen DeGeneres, and not the same way you do. I really love her in the most intense way that someone can love a person they've never met. I don't know why. Maybe I knew her in a past life. I have dreams where we're braiding each other's hair or cuddling. And in these dreams I just feel so loved. It's nothing sexual, although I might put up with that if it meant I could have her as my best friend.

13. If I had to choose between the two, I would rather my children be nice and unselfish than smart and successful.

14. I put on a full face of make up every single day. Even the days when I don't leave the house and Chris works his second job and I don't see him at all. I just can't stand looking at myself without it. It only takes me about 4 minutes so I think it's well worth the trouble.

15. My in-laws have always been very nice and loving towards me despite the fact that when we first got married they didn't think I was good enough for their son/brother.

16. I do think that when it comes to our marriage, I got the better end of the deal. How did a girl like me end up with such a stud muffin like Chris?

17. I feel very uncomfortable and often afraid around animals. These feelings have gotten worse the older I am. One of the conditions upon Chris marrying me was that we would never have pets. He agreed even though he's convinced I'm going to change my mind. I'm not. (Although I might be able to get over this if it was a deal breaker for Ellen.)

18. A perfect day for me always includes a 30 minute power nap.

19. I truly believe that money can buy happiness and am prepared to challenge anyone who thinks otherwise. Just give me a few million dollars and I'll happily prove my theory. (This only applies to generally decent people. If someone's a miserable jerk, no amount of money could make them happy.)

20. When I was a little girl I repeatedly tripped and fell on my face (at least this is the way my parents tell the story.) I busted up my lip in the same spot so many times that I looked like I had a permanent fat lip. This never bothered me until I was thirteen and noticed it in a three way mirror. I suddenly became obsessed with my deformity and extremely self conscience about it. When I was sixteen my parents took me to a doctor who cut out the scar tissue and made just one line of stitches on the inside of my lip. This helped a little, but it still bothers me.

21. I have many regrets from my youth but I don't think I would have been able to do anything differently. At the time I couldn't be told what to do and insisted on learning things the hard way.

22. I really dislike talking on the phone. I avoid calling people "just to chat" because I'm afraid of interrupting something their doing. Also I find it impossible to have a conversation on the phone when my kids are around because they always take it as an opportunity to be as annoying as possible. I would much rather correspond in person or via email.

23. Because of this I am a terrible friend when it comes to long distance relationships. (Right, Jessica?) Hell, you can live in the same valley as me and unless we work together or go to church together we probably only see each other a couple of times a year. (Know what I mean, Melissa?) But in my mind our relationship is frozen in time and can be picked up where it was left off as soon as our paths cross again.

24. 90% of the time I think everything that my children say and do is so funny/smart/cute. The other 10% of the time I want to lock myself in my room with a pillow over my head.

25. I would not want to survive an accident which would leave me severely burned or disfigured.

Addicted to The Office

I love The Office! Seriously LOVE IT! I've often joked about the joy that it brings into my life but it wasn't until last night that I realized just how much The Office means to me. I had our DVR scheduled to record the hour long Office special that was coming on after the Super Bowl. At 8:15 with the kids in bed and the house clean I turned on the TV only to see that we had NO SATELLITE CONNECTION!!! I almost cried (ok, I did cry a little). I really didn't think I'd be able to handle such a huge disappointment, especially after we were all geared up Thursday night for a new episode only to be let down by a rerun. So I called our satellite provider and tried to remain calm as they walked me through resetting everything. When it was up and running I saw that , lo and behold, it didn't start until 8:30! I hadn't missed a second. The universe was smiling on me after all. My incredible disappointment followed by my huge sense of relief really indicated how much I love this show (and perhaps how lame my life is otherwise).

To cut or not to cut? There is no question.

You know I’m generally of the “live and let live” mentality and don’t try to push my beliefs on others, but this is a human rights issues that I feel I must speak out on. If you've known me for any length of time then it is quite possible that we’ve already debated over this topic and you already know how passionately I feel about it. I recognize what a sensitive topic this is and why it makes people uncomfortable. There are many people who have been circumcised or who have chosen to circumcise their sons who are not ready to face that they have been wronged or have unintentionally caused harm to their sons. I also understand that unless parents actively seek out information on circumcision they’re more likely to have it done simply because it’s still presented as the norm. The day after giving birth to both of my boys someone from the medical staff came in and asked not IF we’d like him to be circumcised but WHEN we’d like to schedule the procedure. Of course I said that we wouldn’t be having him circumcised, but if I had never given it any thought before hand I’m sure I would have gone along with the “routine” procedure. What concerns me is how most parents give more thought into how they want to decorate their nursery, whether to breast or bottle feed, or which outfit to bring their new baby home from the hospital in than whether or not they should allow a painful, unnecessary, surgical performance to be done on their newborn baby. What’s wrong with this picture?

The act of circumcision as a non religious procedure was introduced in the 19th century by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg as a way to stop masturbation. He said, "A remedy [for masturbation] which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision...The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind...” The United States and Canada are the only countries in the world that perform routine circumcisions. I have to quote Joe Cortez, an avid blogger on this topic, because I just couldn’t have said it better myself, “Circumcision of infants is forced cosmetic surgery. The same merit as a tattoo, piercing or rhinoplasty. The foreskin is not a genetic anomaly, nor is it a congenital deformity. The foreskin is a normal, healthy piece of tissue found in all newborn males at birth. The foreskin is not “extra skin,” but standard equipment. Without any medical indication present, infant circumcision is the forced amputation of normal, healthy tissue. It is deliberate pain and injury inflicted on the genitals of a healthy individual male.”

Believe me, I’ve heard and considered ALL of the arguments for circumcision. In fact, I had to do a research paper in college supporting it. It was one of my hardest assignments ever because there just simply isn’t any valid medical research to back the need for routine circumcision. Here are the three basic arguments supporters will give:

1. The circumcised penis is cleaner and more hygienic. To which I say, WHAT?! Since when do we chop off parts of our bodies to avoid having to clean them? When my teeth are dirty I brush them I don’t pull them out. Also, a vagina takes a whole heck of lot more work to maintain and keep clean and fresh, but we don’t cut off baby girl’s labia to facilitate cleaning. Please! We live in a world with soap and water and the ability to shower daily. Why do people continue to hold on to the notion of cleanliness to validate genital mutilation? Both of our son's foreskins are intact, and we have never had any problems keeping them clean. In fact we were instructed to let it be, there is no need to pull back the foreskin and clean it. That is something they will do when they become sexually active or start masturbating.

2. It reduces the risk of urinary tract infections. First of all UTI’s are extremely rare in males. 1 in 125 is the statistic I read. So we’re going to mess with the genitals of 125 boys in order to decrease the chance that one of them might at some time in their life get a UTI which is very treatable and lasts two days? Doesn’t make sense.

3. It reduces the risks of AIDS and other STD’s. Do you know any infants having sex that this would affect? Not me. Besides, condoms are the only way to significantly reduce those risks anyway. If a man’s going to have casual sex and not wear a condom he’s putting himself at great risk whether he’s circumcised or not. Interestingly enough, The US has the highest circumcision rate in the world and also one of the highest Aids rate.

4. The worst reason of all, but probably the most common is; it’s tradition; it looks better; I want my son to look like his dad / brothers etc. When I’ve talked to people that is often time what it boils down to for them. I know people who would look down on a mother who pierced her infant daughter’s ears but think nothing of having her son circumcised. To justify circumcision in this way with all of our education and resources makes us no better then tribes in Africa performing female circumcision with rusty blades or sharp rocks. I know that is so hard to hear, but tell me how it’s not true.

Even if you have been convinced that there are minor health benefits, those perceived benefits are nothing compared to the risks involved. There are risks as rare and severe as botched jobs resulting in castration or the much more common meatal stenosis , which could affect 1 in 10 and is there for life unless surgically corrected. I won’t even go into all the sexual effects it could have on a person because that becomes too subjective, but you can image that cutting off the foreskin which holds the majority of a man’s erotic nerves would have some effect on sexual pleasure. And let’s not dismiss all the pain and trauma that the patient suffers. The fact that it is often performed on babies and they can’t recall it in their conscious memory as an adult doesn’t nullify the effects that it has on a person or make it right in any way. I believe that if parents were required to be present when the procedure took place fewer and fewer would continue doing it.

I just want people to wake up and start giving this the attention it deserves. It’s so easy to speak out against female genital mutilation but much harder to look inward at your own society and culture that is still practicing such a barbaric ritual. To use Joe Cortez’s words again “Circumcision is by definition Genital Mutilation. There is no female genital mutilation or male genital mutilation. There is only genital mutilation. That there are other, more severe forms of genital mutilation is irrelevant. As such it is a violation of human rights and all individuals of both sexes are entitled to the same protection under the law. The principle of taking a non-consenting individual, forcing him/her down and cutting up their genitals to conform to a social norm is one and the same.”

Parents please do not do this to you sons. If they want it later in life they can easily have it done. But it is irreversible and is their decision to make. The truth is it is slowly becoming less and less of a norm and by the time your son is an adult he could really resent you for making that decision for him. I could go on and on but I think I've said my piece. Please feel free to dispute me or leave a comment expressing a difference of opinion.