Blissfully Ignorant

I was a theater major in college. I never finished school, and I think that deep down I knew I wasn’t going to have a career in the theater arts, but I had had such an amazing experience participating in theater on a high school level that I just wasn’t ready to give it up yet. I attended Utah State for four semesters, during which time I had a couple of really great roles in some student directed plays, but it wasn’t until my last semester there that I landed the female lead in the university production of Our Town.

Sometime during the rehearsal process I was hanging out in the theater department and I noticed an envelope with my name on it posted on one of the bulletin boards by the office. Inside was a letter from another student who I had never officially met. I don’t even think we had any classes together. This was ten years ago, so I don’t remember exactly what it said, but it went something like this:

Dear Shannon,
I was very upset about not getting the role of Emily and I took out my anger on you. I’ve said a lot of bad things about you, like how you’re not a very good actress and that you didn’t deserve the role. That wasn’t fair of me and I’m sorry. Good luck with the production!
Sincerely,
Name

I was stunned when I read it. And it kind of pissed me off, but not for the reasons you might think. I wasn’t mad at her for having talked trash about me, we’ve all done stuff like that from time to time; I was mad at her for telling me. Before her letter I was going along blissfully ignorant (which just happens to be one of my favorite states of mind by the way). I was enjoying rehearsals and working hard on developing my character. Then all of the sudden… BAM… everything changed. I became extremely self conscience and paranoid, worried that everyone hated me and thought I was a crappy actress. It kind of put a dark cloud over what could have been a wonderful experience for me. Maybe she really meant well, but the only point I saw for her writing me that letter was to ease her conscience and make herself feel better.

I’m not quite sure how to segue way into the point of my post, which is the idea that sometimes honesty is not the best policy. Take a husband for example, who during a rocky time in his marriage, breaks his vows and has a one night stand with a co-worker. Let’s say that it only happens once and leaves him feeling much shame and regret. He recommits to making things work in his marriage, and two years later he’s in a much better place. He and his wife are happy, but thoughts of his infidelity haunt him, and he wonders if and how he should come clean. You can imagine his therapist and friends encouraging him to “do the right thing.” Telling him, “she has a right to know” and “if you want your marriage to work you can’t have any secrets.” But I think that is incorrect. If he really has recommitted himself to his marriage and it really was a one time thing, what is the point of telling his wife? It is his burden to bear in silence, and putting that burden on his wife in order to ease his own conscience is, in my opinion, selfish and cruel.

What do you guys think? Taking the exact same scenario, would you want to know about your spouse’s infidelity? Or would you, like me, prefer to remain blissfully ignorant? Am I off my rocker on this one, or do you kind of agree?

I gooot friends in Loooow places...Where the whiskey ruuuns and the bla bla bla

Posted by Chris (you should know what to expect by now)

Disclaimer: I wrote this post under the influence of my emotions. Be cautious.

Hey, so there is something really frustrating that I would like to talk about today ladies and gentlemen. By frustrating I really mean annoying but I want to use a less offensive word in case any of my friends or loved ones fall into this category. I must admit that I have probably been guilty of the annoying pet peeve that I am about to talk about as well so mostly I just want to explore the issue to confirm that it really is my problem to deal with. In fact the more I think about it the more I realize that it is. If you don’t mind I will still share it with you.

I noticed a few years ago that I have a very eclectic group of friends. I have friends that are very Conservative and I have friends that are very Liberal. I have friends that are incredibly religious and I have friends who are Atheists. I have friends that are into Art, music, and Theatre and friends that are into sports and ninja skills (maybe those shouldn’t be grouped together). I have friends who only feel comfortable in polo shirts and friends whose arms are covered with beautiful tattoos. My point is not to say I am sooo popular (in a cheerleader voice) because really I probably like all my friends more than they like me but they still let me hang with them and we talk about anything and everything. One thing I am very proud of is the fact that none of my friends would be offended by discussing a view or belief that is in direct conflict with their own opinions. I loooove it when I have friends together and they talk about issues that they disagree on. They are never rude or disrespectful. I think all of my associations are very classy people and would never stoop to manipulation or mean(ness) to get a point across. I adore you all. You have done so much to shape my views of this world.

My frustration I think is of a cultural nature. I noticed that many of my friends share my LDS faith. Many of these people I met in High School or work situations and when we get together it’s nice to have someone who is familiar with LDS culture who can share ideas and discuss events and changes that only an LDS person would care about. This is one area of interest that I share with these people but it is never the defining point of our friendship.

Here’s the point I’ve been trying to get to. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think I ever initially met ANY of my LDS friends within a church related context. I’m talking about Elder’s Quorum, Church activities, Sunday School, etc. Yet all of my LDS friends participate in these activities. It makes me question if we would have become as tight as we are now had we initially met with me serving in the capacity of ,say, a home teacher. As much as the church encourages social interaction and forming friendships I have to admit that it’s hard to be honest and open with my humanness in front of church peers. I don’t know if this is good or bad. Maybe you can help me.

Here’s my philosophy on the subject if you will bear with me a little longer. For a drama-seeking individual like myself the idea of a society where everyone believes the same way has ZERO appeal. I am not looking forward to the apocalypse where all evil people are destroyed by fire and the righteous are all living happily together free from the evil worldliness that we are currently surrounded with. The same goes for heaven (That joke about not wanting to go to heaven because they don’t like to have any fun comes to mind) If it is like the contained socializing that happens at church BBQ’s I’m bored already.

When we LDS folks get together why are we so obsessed with maintaining the impression that we are perfect? Seriously! That we have never laughed at a sacrilegious Simpson’s episode? That we have never seen an R rated movie that was beautiful and inspiring and made us want to be better people? That some actor/actress wasn’t smoking hot in a certain movie? That sometimes we break our fast early or go to church late? That we sometimes fall asleep during conference? That we ate (coffee containing) Tiramisu at a restaurant last night. That we read a novel that contained a sex scene or some “F” bombs. That we like to get it on with our spouse because they are smoking hot and not because we have an obligation to bring babies down from heaven. That we actually GAMBLED with M&M’s or quarters to make a game of poker more interesting? That we spent money on the Sabbath buying some cold medicine for our sick spouse? It goes on and on and on my friends. Some of you may be thinking that I am Satan’s mouth piece right now but please allow me to be very opinionated for a moment.

Your imperfections (at least deviations from the norm) are usually what make you interesting. I wouldn’t like you if you ever achieved your goal of perfection because then we wouldn’t have anything in common. This idea of playing the role of a perfect person is so out of touch with what makes this life beautiful. I say “playing a role” because I think we are all just faking this ideal because we don’t really have a clue what a perfect person would be like. I wish we could study Christ’s interactions with the sinners that he dined with. We are trying to judge the world and convert the world at the same time. It’s hard to know if someone who thinks different from yourself is your enemy or a possible convert.

My wife recently became involved with a book club with several women from Relief Society. At the first meeting they discussed which books might be good to read. Shannon had done some research online and found a highly recommended book for reading groups because of the many interesting discussion topics it raised and proposed it for the discussion. Although Shannon loves books that contain a little controversy that shake things up ( a characteristic that I adore about her), she decided to recommend one of the most conservative of all the books that she had researched. The group decided that Shannon’s recommendation sounded like the most interesting book and that it would be the first book they would read.

The week passed and the day before the next meeting Shannon received a call from a good friend of hers in the group who told her that many of the other group members were offended by the content of the book and would not be participating in the discussion. This was a little concerning to Shannon who began leafing again through the assigned material TRYING to find some of the offensive content and was dumbfounded. Then she came across a curse word that she deduced must have been the cause of the controversy. The line was appropriate for the character speaking it and was a necessary choice in establishing her true mindset. Judging the value of this literary work based on a single word is really just saying that you refuse to acknowledge that there are people in the world who swear.

Shannon showed up the next evening with the book they had originally agreed on and discovered that she was the only one who brought it. The other women in the group thought the best solution to this problem would be to choose another book and discuss that book as though the first book had never been chosen. Unfortunately no one bothered trying to contact Shannon about this change who obviously felt a little self-conscious about bringing the book that had been shunned by majority opinion. No mention was made about the previous selection. No one asked why Shannon brought it or how she felt about the change or if she even knew about it. No one attempted to soften the obvious blow instead they decided the best way to address this problem was to speak of their disgust and offense in private to one another and then pretend as though the previous book had never been proposed. Excellent solution! That way you don’t actually have to talk out loud about anything uncomfortable. What a great way to avoid conflict!

I’m so proud that these women were so willing to stand up to their convictions that there should be no people in the world who think differently than themselves and make my wife feel like shit (don’t worry this is the only curse word in my post. You can read safely on). Maybe it’s best if we take every opportunity to let the rest of the world know how much more we love the lord than they do. Seriously, would he really approve of this behavior?

I’m sorry (not really) but this is pathetic and incredibly inconsiderate. I’m sure that these LDS women are trying to improve themselves and be Christ like but many of us have different views about how Christ would choose to interact with common people.

Let’s think for a moment…..Would you say that Christ’s teaching approach was more of a “help people to learn and understand his wisdom for themselves” kind of approach or more of a “help people understand what is good by making them feel crappy when they act differently from my own personal beliefs” approach . Can’t you just envision the twelve apostles giving a new convert the silent treatment for talking about the outdated wisdom of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? “Didn’t you get the memo loser? We’re better than that now.”

What is helpful about expressing how offended you are at something if all you accomplish is offending someone else? If they don’t agree with you is there a possibility that they are just not on the same page as you (because they are not yet as wise and experienced as yourself)?

The level of sarcasm in this post is shameful I know.

I have many great LDS friends but I have a problem with not being myself. The cool thing is that when we are outside of this type of situation we DO act human. We have to! It’s not healthy psychologically to suppress our opinions all the time. I think that if this book club was a neighborhood book club and not a Ward book club these women might still hold their opinions but they would take the opportunity to help others understand their mindset and maybe (at the same time) even open themselves up to a little constructive criticism. Maybe complete censoring of the outside world is not the best solution to help people come to a knowledge of the truth.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone I’m just really frustrated with this. My friends are honest with me about the goods, bad, trials, and successes they experience that make life great. I love them for this. I know the Christ-like response is to never get really offended by anything a fellow church member says or does but it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes we can feel hurt, out of place, or even ostracized for being ourselves.

Is there any wisdom that you can impart to me? Am I just a Drama-seeking artist? Do any of you agree that this is a reoccurring frustration within our highly religious culture?

I am now willing to accept your advice and/or condemnations. I promise I won’t be offended if you put me in my place……..(maybe). Thank you for your time.

Judgment Day: Why I think God Has His Work Cut Out For Him written by Chris

Disclaimer: This ended up being a really long post. So you might not want to bother continuing if you don’t have a few minutes. I won’t be offended I promise. I need to keep practicing the art of the quick blog post I know. Anyway, don’t take anything too seriously. I just think it’s fun to think about this stuff.

One thing that I have always felt good about in my religious tradition is the belief in a truly compassionate, father-like God. A just, unbiased lawgiver who cares about everyone equally (the parable of the shepherd going after the few lost sheep comes to mind). It is so much easier to connect with a god who just understands everything perfectly. He has experienced everything and has perfect empathy for your situation. He can see the big picture and he knows when and where you have gone wrong and is interested in helping you find the correct path.

I have read about the various gods worshipped in the temple religions of the ancient world and they seem so emotionally detached and unconcerned with their loyal followers. They come across as very egocentric, requiring only demonstrable admiration and reverence. Interestingly enough personal morality was not even a requirement of the ancient polytheistic religions of the Middle East, nor the Aztec and Mayan religions, the early Hindu religion, or even the folk religions of Asia. These gods mostly just wanted to have lots of rituals performed and lots of animals killed and eaten by a devoted priesthood on their behalf. This was all that was needed to please them. They did not, for the most part, really care if you thought impure thoughts, lied, stole or dealt unjustly with your neighbor. This seemed so strange to me when I first read about it since I assumed that all religion has always been, in some way, about self-purification or refining your personal character to conform to a more celestial standard. Apparently I was wrong.

I’ve always been pleased with my understanding that god is personally involved with my progressive journey through life as well as the life of every one of his children. I was taught that he is not distant and unconcerned, nor is he interested in having his ego stroked by redundant rituals.

Part of God’s role is also to be a perfect judge. He is the only one qualified for the role because he’s the only one who has all the evidence. Many religions share the belief that after this life there will be an answering for your actions; A weighing of your good deeds against your bad, an evaluation of the purity of your heart, and then a consequential reward or punishment based off of your test scores. Often times the subjective nature of right and wrong becomes so unclear that we are happy to declare that we are unqualified to judge other people’s actions (judge not that ye be not judged). God is the only one who can see the situation in all of its complexity and make an appropriate verdict and we’ll leave him to it.

But compare the type of Judge that God is to say, a common judge that we would find in one of our court buildings. One of these judges is probably not declaring verdicts based off of a familial love for those on trial and a sincere desire for their future happiness. In fact we might be angered to discover that a judge is acting on such bias. I would assume that he would be more concerned with the safety of everyone else in society who might be endangered by the criminal’s possible future actions.

So how can God actually be totally empathetic with all of his children? Where does he draw the line and hold an individual accountable apart from the preconditions and involuntary factors that have contributed to their choices and personality? For example let’s say someone commits a murder motivated by racism. How much more is the situation complicated (for a loving judge) if it is performed by someone who has been indoctrinated since birth with the idea that it is God himself who has declared (in scripture) that violence is justified against certain groups of people? Is it then forgiven? Is part of it forgiven? Does he get any points for honorably observing the rules of God as he knows them, or nothing for just being flat wrong in the end?

Now, to further illustrate this dilemma, think of some of the most despicable sinners you can envision such as pedophiles, rapists, murderers, thieves, adulterers etc. We don’t need to speculate what awaits them after judgment do we? If the kids who shot up all those students in Columbine don’t have a world of hurt waiting for them in the next life then there is no real justice right? We may be wrong on some of the small things but truly evil acts are easy to spot and identify right? They happen to good people, and they are carried out heartlessly. They are chaotic in nature and make us feel powerless and afraid.

Imagine, for a moment, what the back story of one of these villains might be. How were they raised? What type of a home did they come from? What was their relationship with their parents like? Has their view of the world been molded in any way by anything a family member or peer has impressed upon them? Have they been raised in a racist culture? What about their biology? Have there been any chemical abnormalities that they have had to deal with or handicaps that limit their judgment? What about their ability to empathize? Are there any imperfections in their brain? Are they chemically depressed? How have these chemical imbalances influenced their view of the world? Did their mothers smoke or drink while they were developing? What other characteristics have been involuntarily chiseled into their genetic makeup by past ancestors?

Epigenomes, for example, record information such as how well your great, great grandfather ate as a child. That information is passed through to your DNA and your chemicals and appetites are adjusted based off of that information in order to increase your posterity’s chances of survival. Sometimes however within a short period of time our situations change dramatically and we are still programmed to get a lot of something if given the opportunity because it should (theoretically) be in short supply such as sex and food. Your desire for these things is strongly influenced by the living circumstances of your ancestors. If you struggle with your appetites it is, in part, because of these influences in your genetic makeup.

I’m not saying it is justified to indulge in these things, only that it complicates a truly fair judgment of your soul. Can an individual be judged apart from these factors? If not then it seems that your post mortal inheritance is a matter of how the dice fall for you. Guess what? You lack the brain function to properly empathize and relate with others. You are what we call a Sociopath. Enjoy hell. If god still loves the “real” you in the next life you can bet the victims you killed will be giving you the cold shoulder.

To me it often seems that the people we want most to rot in hell tend to be people who have been very unhappy and tortured during their existence. They may have succeeded in their efforts to destroy the happiness of others but the consequences of these actions (even during life) will not decrease their anxiety or personal conflict. Is festering hatred a form of suffering? Destructive behavior reflects such inward traits as fear, shame, hurt, or powerlessness. For whatever poor reasoning a villain might give for their actions, I’m pretty sure they, like everyone else, are trying to define happiness on their own terms and see their actions as justified based on their definition. We can hate them for their ignorance but how does God see them knowing exactly where that ignorance took root?

Do you ever catch yourself condemning someone who has just made really bad decisions? Does a chain-smoker, for instance, who forks out wads of cash every day to continue his habit, the whole while decreasing his over-all health and quality of life, really need our judgments on top of his own self-inflicted punishment? After suffering through lung cancer does God really need to give him an additional kick in the pants for disrespecting his bodily temple? Hasn’t he reaped the reward of his ignorance? Maybe somebody warned him that smoking leads to unhappiness and addiction before he lit his first stick but did he really know how foolish the decision was at that time? He was ignorant true, but wasn’t his flawed reasoning really attempting to secure future happiness, perhaps through acceptance by his peers?

I am not necessarily trying to justify wicked actions (BTW I don’t think smokers are wicked) but if you are like me, you probably think “It’s a good thing that god has the ability to take everything into consideration before making a judgment. I’ll just leave it to him to work out.”

But where do all those preconditions end and where do you (the one on trial) begin? How far does God have to dive into your background check files before deciding to try you as a spiritual adult? At what point can he say “you should know better.”

To complicate things further I think we should also recognize the influence of a force of unperceived, evil beings bent on our destruction who have the ability to influence our actions, or at least provoke situations and thoughts that target our vulnerabilities. If an evil spirit is tempting one person, doesn’t that mean that he isn’t tempting someone else? How does God look upon individuals who made a mistake based off of enormous unrelenting pressures from Satan’s followers while someone else is ignored? I think this would complicate things even more for God. You can’t say that in his final judgment he wouldn’t take into consideration the fact that some people are pummeled with Satanic temptations while some are not? Whose actions are on trial? yours or your tempters? I get the idea that Satan isn’t that concerned with tempting everyone in a fair, even-handed manner. But if God is to correct the chaos brought by Satan, his judgment must accommodate those tested unfairly. Is it better when you think a sinful thought or when it is placed in your mind from Satan? How come we seem totally capable of coming up with bad ideas unassisted (not that we can judge which ideas those are)? You might respond that the only thing that matters is your response to the temptation wherever it comes from but wouldn’t it be a tougher test for someone who is receiving more temptation?

Many of these thoughts may ring of cognitive dissonance. There may be no way of knowing if there is any substance to these ideas and they are quite possibly all bull crap. There is probably a simple explanation that could clear up all confusion on the matter and I’m sure at least one reader will have all the answers. Personally, I feel that it is still important to allow ourselves the freedom to explore such issues. I disagree with the idea that curiosity is dangerous. I think we should always be asking questions, even the ones that we know will more than likely never be answered. I even think we should ask questions that challenge and test the firmest beliefs we have. Sometimes it makes them stronger.

I don’t have a clue about how god judges people (Big surprise I know). I don’t know that he even does except for what I read in scripture and am told by prophets. Apparently it’s not that big of a concern that we know the details. Perhaps it’s for the best. What prophets do tell us is that God loves us and has the perspective to understand what really matters for us in the long run. He promises the most fulfilling and lasting happiness imaginable to us if we stretch ourselves. That is at least a very comforting idea.

Anyway I hope I didn’t waste your time if you were under the impression that this rambling post was leading somewhere. Sometimes it’s interesting to consider things from a different perspective though isn’t it?

Congratulations! It must take real effort to be such an ass!

During my time in the hospitality industry I have had my share of encounters with rude guests. But every now and then one will rub me the wrong way and get under my skin so badly that I have a really hard time getting over it. So as part of my self diagnosed therapy I’m going to blog about these encounters as they happen.

Today’s encounter was with a guest who had a problem with our security policy which requires us to see picture ID before reissuing suite keys.

Guest: I left my key in my room and I need another one.

Me: (Cheerfully)Yes sir, what’s your room number please?

Guest: 123, Smith

Me: Great, (I begin making key) I just need to see some picture ID.

Guest: (Starts to reach around for his back pack and hesitates) I’ll show you my ID, but my name is not the name on the room. But I’m not a terrorist so just give me a key.

Me: (Still smiling but very sympathetic) I’m sorry, Sir, but I can’t give you a key if your name is not on the room. Would it be possible to contact the Smith’s and have them authorize us to give you a key?

Guest: (Clearly angry) Wh-what? Hmpf! No. This is ridiculous! I’m not a freaking terrorist!

Me: I don’t think you are, sir, but we have this policy in place to protect our guests. I’m sure you can appreciate that.

Guest: What I would appreciate is you letting me into my damn room instead of standing there wasting my time.

Me: I understand. Are you sure there’s no way of getting a hold of them?

Guest: Yeah, they’re in the room.

Me: (Trying to hide my annoyance) They’re in the room?

Guest: Yeah!

Me: (thinking then why the F do you need a key?) Perfect! I’ll give the room a call.

I begin dialing room 123. It rings. There’s no answer.

Me: There’s no answer.

Guest: This is ridiculous! How would I know that the smiths are in room 123 if I wasn’t with their party?! You’re wasting my time and my time is money! (Keep in mind that it’s a Saturday and this guy is dressed like a complete granola tree hugger and had just come back from the climbing gym.)

Me: I’m sorry sir,
(but your belligerence and impatience is very suspicious to me. How do I know you’re not trying to get into the room of your estranged wife, so you can be there waiting to beat the crap out of her for leaving you. That happened in a Danielle Steel book I read.)

Then he said something really stupid that I still don’t really get
Guest: How would you like it if I came in here while you were working and asked you to come out and wash my car?

Me: (Blank stare)

Guest: You’d say no, because you’re working and time is money.

Me: Oh. my. gosh. (“Oh my gosh” is the closest I have ever come to having a confrontation with a guest.) Tell you what, I’ll just walk you to your room myself and then if you can show me something in the room with your name on it, like a luggage tag or something, we’ll call it good.

Things were tense as we walked so to lighten things up I said:
Me: I know are policy seems really strict, but we really do have our guest’s best interest in mind. Have you ever seen one of those 20/20 specials…

Guest: I don’t watch TV.

Me: Oh… well… I’ve seen one where they send undercover people into hotels to see how easy it is to obtain keys to just any room from hotel clerks that aren’t doing their jobs properly. I like to assure our guests that we take their security very seriously here.

Guest: Yeah, because EVERYONE’s a terrorist, or a crook, or a robber, or a murderer. Well I don’t chose to live my life like that. I trust people! I try to see the good in people!

We walked the rest of the way in silence.

Chris Brewer's reflections essay "If I could live for as long as I wanted, it would be..."

Have any of you ever wondered how long you would want to live if you could actually decide such a thing? I don’t just mean until you are old but rather if you could decide to live for say 500 years or even 1000 or more? Is it silly to suggest that we would ever want it to end if we had the option of immortality?

Let’s think about it. To make such a decision would first require us to decide what it is about our lives that have made them so worth living. Then we would have to decide if those experiences, continued indefinitely, had a shelf life.

Imagine that you just found out that you had a few days to live and you were forced to look from this moment back at what experiences were the most meaningful to you. What would they be? Would it be a culmination of moments that you spent with loved ones? Would it be the feelings of mastering a certain discipline or skill set? Would it be pleasurable or thrilling experiences? Hot sex? Extreme sports? Breathtaking views in exotic locations? What are the exact things that you have experienced that you would want to continue living for in order to continue experiencing?

Now let’s consider what we do for the majority of our lives. We survive. The specifics have changed since the days of cavemen but our lives are still a matter of survival. We don’t hunt bears with spears but if we want to continue living we have to do the hunting equivalent of our day which means getting a stable job and spending most of our waking hours going there and coming home and going there and coming home and going there….

Some people feel that you should try to find a job that brings you some fulfillment as you do it; something that uses your natural gifts. Others seem to think that your quality of life will be best improved by getting a high paying job ( not necessarily enjoyable) that will give you higher quality experiences outside of work. Your house will be nicer. Your kids will go to nicer schools. You will travel farther, more often, and stay in nicer hotels. Either way you have to compromise a huge chunk of your life toward solving the problem of hunger, shelter, and security. The point of this tangent is just to demonstrate that those quality experiences mentioned earlier are probably few and far between in this extremely laborious and repetitive thing called life.

Now throw in the idea of how our value of experiences is affected by the fact that they are fleeting and do not last. It is the same reason why giving flowers is a precious gift because they will soon fade and die. Why do plastic flowers seem so pathetic? Because they are permanent. They have no vitality, freshness, or energy. Life, even in plants, is valued because it doesn’t last. You are lucky because you are there to witness the flowers in the perfect moment before they wilt. Similarly, how are the experiences we mentioned above affected when you remove this significant factor of impermanence from your life?

Are breathtaking views just gorgeous because you may never see them the same way again? Are moments with friends and loved ones so precious because you are not always able to maintain the same closeness throughout your life? Is a skill special because it is the only one you have been able to develop within your allotted time?

I love my sweet wife more today than ever. But I love her for different continually evolving reasons. When I kiss her now my thoughts and actions are informed by more recent events and feelings. Are moments in our past more special because of who we were when they occurred and what our situation was at the time? Our personalities, bodies, lives, priorities, everything continually change. If they did not we would not value those moments.

So if we could choose to live as long as we wanted, would there be a line where we might recognize that we lose something by becoming too familiar with it? Does a well lived life have to include this element of impermanence?

Most people are afraid of death. However many of us believe that our relationships and purpose stretch beyond our deaths. The faith that I was raised with has taught me that all people will be doing stuff forever. Some people will have the freedom to do more things than others but going on is mandatory whether in an inescapable state of bliss or hell. It definitely seems that meeting millions more people, learning all that there is to learn and building everything there is to build will still have a time frame ( though very freak’n big) affixed to it where it will begin to lose value. Would there be a point where even an exalted being would say “It’s been an amazing ride. I’m grateful for every moment-but it needs to end.”?

Do you ever find yourself thinking about this kind of thing? I do all the time and it leads me to conclude that all that really matters is happening right now. The experience that I may one day be remembering as something that made life worth living could be this moment if I’m paying attention. I hope that the excitement really does go on after death and I hope that the concept of eternal progression, which is something that I can’t possibly make sense of with my limited mind, is an exciting reality waiting for me and my loved ones. But whether it is or not still does not affect the significance or beauty of the current moment. In fact you have to admit that you would value your time even more if you believed that it would end at death. Sometimes I wonder if my beliefs in eternal life actually distract or take away from what is happening right now in order to hope and plan for something great that will come in the uncertain future.

Anyway...Bla bla bla. Back to the original question. I think I would want to live for about 400 years. That seems about right. I would learn how to shred on the guitar, sculpt like Michelangelo, speak a few different languages, hang out in most of the prettiest locations in the world, and become the greatest lover to grace the sheets of Shannon’s bed (It doesn’t sound as impressive if I mention that I’m the only lover that has ever graced Shannon’s sheets. But after 400 years I’m sure I would be pretty incredible. Yeah 400 seems about right to me. What do you think?

Clickity-click-click

What do y’all think of acrylic nails? I think they’re kind of ridiculous. They’re so flashy and silly, totally impractical, and in my opinion a little indulgent (much like my blog). And expensive!

Have you ever noticed how women with acrylic nails seem to move their hands differently, strangely, kind of prissy-like and limp wristed? It seems like they’re trying to show them off, but if you’ve ever worn them you know that’s just the way you have to move in order to do the little, every day tasks. Suddenly things like buttoning up your jeans, opening a can of coke, or pulling your credit card out of your wallet make you look like you’re trying to be a QVC hand model. And that “clickity-click-click” sound they make when typing on a key board?! Shoot me now! The whole thing reminds me of a little girl clomping around in her mommy’s high heels.

I always feel compelled to compliment women with nails like this. Even when I think it’s tacky I find myself ooohing and ahhing over them out of a sense of obligation. Like when someone gets a really drastic and obvious hair cut and you feel like you have to give the obligatory compliment to avoid any awkwardness. That’s how I feel when I see fake nails.

So feeling the way I do, what on earth compelled me to go into the nail salon for a pedicure and leave with a full set of acrylic nails?! I seriously have NO idea how it happened or what I was thinking. It’s like I was possessed… someone had taken over my body.

I was filled with dread during the whole ride home, thinking of all the other things I could have spent that 35 bucks on. That’s practically my whole monthly allowance. No one had seen them yet and I was already humiliated and preparing in my head what to say when given the obligatory compliment, “Ooooh, your nails are so pretty.” Maybe something like, “Oh, I never do this, but my friend talked me into it.” or “Oh, I know they’re silly, but I just thought I’d try them for fun.” Or just, “I’m going to a wedding.”

But to make it worse, Topher noticed them first thing when I walked in the door. He tugged on them and asked, “Cool! Can I hold them. I won’t lose them. I’ll put them in my pocket and keep them safe.” I explained that they are glued on and can’t come off. To which he said, “No fair! Can I have some claws like that?” Several times throughout the night he commented on how sharp my claws are, “Like a dragon! Or a bear!”

Thanks Topher.

*Disclaimer: My apologies to any acrylic nail wearers who might be reading this. Please don’t be offended. I’m sure that your nails look beautiful, natural, and not at all like claws.

The appeal of Bad Boys- Open discussion Saturday

Ladies, tell me, what is it with us and a brooding, moody, melancholy man that get us all hot and bothered? I don’t get it. Why are women so turned on by the Sawyers and the Dr. Houses of the world while nice guys often go unnoticed? Women, who can be other women’s harshest critics, can overlook men’s flaws and be the first to give them the benefit of a doubt, looking at them like wounded puppies that need their love and care in order to thrive and reach their full potential. We don’t see the jerk, we see the lost little boy with a tragic past. We rarely consider the possibility that if he acts like an unfeeling, inconsiderate ass it might be because that is what he is. What’s the saying? If it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck? Yeah... that’s what I’m getting at.

Anyway, I’m not above this. I’ll be forever grateful that when choosing a spouse I had the emotional maturity to select a nice guy (the nicest, actually), but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t root for Team Edward just as much as the next girl or that I can’t recognize the sex appeal in Dr. House. What I don’t understand is why. Is it drama we seek? Does it come from our need to be needed, to nurture, to mend a wounded heart? Or is it our inherent insecurities that make us try to win the favor of cantankerous, unloving men because to succeed would be the ultimate validation of our worth?

So gentle readers, what are your theories?

Who are your bad boy crushes (past and present)?

Is there an equivalent for men towards women, (ie: men being attracted to needy weak women)?