Many parents are unaware of how privileged they are in this day and age. This is a very distinct time in history where our culture is starting to integrate into a new way of interacting through social networking sites. The younger generations are quickly embracing this new technology while older folks struggle (as I’m sure we will one day) to understand the relevance of a site like Facebook where we post random thoughts and comment on the updates of our friends. Because of the inconvenience of not being connected, sooner or later even your parents will probably feel they need to figure out what the whole thing is about.
Although Facebook is relatively new, our culture is already establishing unwritten rules of etiquette regarding proper behavior within this forum. The punishment for any lack of respect is simply to be quietly cut off from that network. No explanation or notification is required. You will simply lose your privileges of being in the know.
What a great opportunity for those lucky parents that are cool enough to be accepted by their children as a facebook friend. No parent should take this gesture of trust lightly because your child is basically saying that you can hang out and listen while he talks to his friends. Hopefully, most parents recognize that their input is not always necessary or even appropriate.
This is actually one of the main areas of concern that most people have with Facebook, it’s too open. We connect with different people on different levels and we tend to emphasize commonalities and downplay differences. I don’t think that makes someone two-faced. We are just required to compartmentalize the way we present ourselves to different people. Perhaps some people think that they need to be the same person around their friends, and bishop, and boss, and family--who am I kidding? No one thinks that. Even if you think that, it probably isn’t true. We need to have the ability to control and manage our different relationships and Facebook can make it a little difficult.
A wise parent will take advantage of Facebook. They have a choice opportunity to see a different (and probably more authentic) side of their children. Do you really know what music your kids like? Do you know their real political views? Who they are dating? Where they go clubbing? What trashy shows they watch? All this information and more can be yours if you learn the art of restraint.
Parents are allowed to quietly lurk. This is usually tolerated, but be careful, there will be many opportunities where you will be tempted to act like the mom or dad you are and try to throw some guilt or disapproval at your child (even if he is 30 years old, and married with 3 children). You will get no special treatment in the world of Facebook my friends so don’t blow it.
Brothers On Maps
2 days ago
6 comments:
Bwahaha - well-played!
So well said...
I might let her back eventually and put her under probation for a while. I guess we have to understand that parents don't have any good resources to educate themselves on this issue. :)
My parents are on facebook way too damn much. I'm thinking I might need to have an intervention. I think a little part of my soul died the day my grandmother friend requested me.
I'm not on Facebook. It's hard because I feel like I miss out on a lot of good content. I try to make up for it by focusing on good personal interaction when I am really with people. Or talking on the phone more. Sending things more tangible and complete. I don't know, I am still feeling it out.
A big reason that I left was the fact that I was loosing my privacy more and more. When my Mom got online and started commenting with preachy undertones, I rebelled and decided to cut myself off. (she wasn't the only reason, just the kicker)
Coming from the Mormon culture, and having fallen from it, I think that maybe I am a little too sensitive to that sort of invasion of my privacy. I feel that maintaining good relationships with my family also involves keeping certain parts of my life, my opinions, my habits, well... my life, from being available for them to judge or stress over. I guess my tendency towards privacy is just to hide behind a well crafted mask that I use to keep peace.
Our modern and informed age is making it harder and harder for us passive agressive Mormons. Don't rock the boat. I wasn't really brought up to hold and defend opinions, only blindly accept and lead quietly by example. I'm still trying to find that balance, of what's worth standing up for, at what cost to the souls of my family, the guilt of my mother and father... I don't know.
Wow Ryan, that's a very revealing and insightful comment.
I have actually been thinking a lot about this issue and the real underlying problems that Facebook is confronting us with. I'm thinking about posting about it.
When communication becomes this open and accessible it makes you question yourself. Am I a different person to different people? Is that acceptable or should my goal be to be more consistent in my different relationships? By withholding some of my contrary beliefs and opinions am I being untrue to myself? Am I compromising to fit in? I don't think so.
The truth is that I very often don't share my most basic and fundamental views with many of the people I interact with but why would I want to focus on that? I would rather have every person I walk away from leave thinking that we have so much in common.
The real me does not want to be ashamed when I learn or experience something beautiful or inspiring. It's hard for me to shut up. When I share an opinion that reveals some unorthodox sentiment of some kind, it seems there is always a work or church friend that starts to suspect that I have misrepresented myself. I can sense when people are confused.
Part of me wants to provoke them to accept or reject me as I really am and part of me recognizes that I could actually put a wall up that causes me to miss out on a connection with an amazing person. It's a huge dilemma that is agitated further by Facebook.
Ryan, I think it's interesting that when faced with a similar problem to my own, you were the one to resign from Facebook rather than deleting others to ensure your privacy. I didn't realize that's why you got off. You are more concerned with saving other people from worry than justifying yourself to them. That's a good quality to have. Damn your peaceful heart!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts man.
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