I gooot friends in Loooow places...Where the whiskey ruuuns and the bla bla bla

Posted by Chris (you should know what to expect by now)

Disclaimer: I wrote this post under the influence of my emotions. Be cautious.

Hey, so there is something really frustrating that I would like to talk about today ladies and gentlemen. By frustrating I really mean annoying but I want to use a less offensive word in case any of my friends or loved ones fall into this category. I must admit that I have probably been guilty of the annoying pet peeve that I am about to talk about as well so mostly I just want to explore the issue to confirm that it really is my problem to deal with. In fact the more I think about it the more I realize that it is. If you don’t mind I will still share it with you.

I noticed a few years ago that I have a very eclectic group of friends. I have friends that are very Conservative and I have friends that are very Liberal. I have friends that are incredibly religious and I have friends who are Atheists. I have friends that are into Art, music, and Theatre and friends that are into sports and ninja skills (maybe those shouldn’t be grouped together). I have friends who only feel comfortable in polo shirts and friends whose arms are covered with beautiful tattoos. My point is not to say I am sooo popular (in a cheerleader voice) because really I probably like all my friends more than they like me but they still let me hang with them and we talk about anything and everything. One thing I am very proud of is the fact that none of my friends would be offended by discussing a view or belief that is in direct conflict with their own opinions. I loooove it when I have friends together and they talk about issues that they disagree on. They are never rude or disrespectful. I think all of my associations are very classy people and would never stoop to manipulation or mean(ness) to get a point across. I adore you all. You have done so much to shape my views of this world.

My frustration I think is of a cultural nature. I noticed that many of my friends share my LDS faith. Many of these people I met in High School or work situations and when we get together it’s nice to have someone who is familiar with LDS culture who can share ideas and discuss events and changes that only an LDS person would care about. This is one area of interest that I share with these people but it is never the defining point of our friendship.

Here’s the point I’ve been trying to get to. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think I ever initially met ANY of my LDS friends within a church related context. I’m talking about Elder’s Quorum, Church activities, Sunday School, etc. Yet all of my LDS friends participate in these activities. It makes me question if we would have become as tight as we are now had we initially met with me serving in the capacity of ,say, a home teacher. As much as the church encourages social interaction and forming friendships I have to admit that it’s hard to be honest and open with my humanness in front of church peers. I don’t know if this is good or bad. Maybe you can help me.

Here’s my philosophy on the subject if you will bear with me a little longer. For a drama-seeking individual like myself the idea of a society where everyone believes the same way has ZERO appeal. I am not looking forward to the apocalypse where all evil people are destroyed by fire and the righteous are all living happily together free from the evil worldliness that we are currently surrounded with. The same goes for heaven (That joke about not wanting to go to heaven because they don’t like to have any fun comes to mind) If it is like the contained socializing that happens at church BBQ’s I’m bored already.

When we LDS folks get together why are we so obsessed with maintaining the impression that we are perfect? Seriously! That we have never laughed at a sacrilegious Simpson’s episode? That we have never seen an R rated movie that was beautiful and inspiring and made us want to be better people? That some actor/actress wasn’t smoking hot in a certain movie? That sometimes we break our fast early or go to church late? That we sometimes fall asleep during conference? That we ate (coffee containing) Tiramisu at a restaurant last night. That we read a novel that contained a sex scene or some “F” bombs. That we like to get it on with our spouse because they are smoking hot and not because we have an obligation to bring babies down from heaven. That we actually GAMBLED with M&M’s or quarters to make a game of poker more interesting? That we spent money on the Sabbath buying some cold medicine for our sick spouse? It goes on and on and on my friends. Some of you may be thinking that I am Satan’s mouth piece right now but please allow me to be very opinionated for a moment.

Your imperfections (at least deviations from the norm) are usually what make you interesting. I wouldn’t like you if you ever achieved your goal of perfection because then we wouldn’t have anything in common. This idea of playing the role of a perfect person is so out of touch with what makes this life beautiful. I say “playing a role” because I think we are all just faking this ideal because we don’t really have a clue what a perfect person would be like. I wish we could study Christ’s interactions with the sinners that he dined with. We are trying to judge the world and convert the world at the same time. It’s hard to know if someone who thinks different from yourself is your enemy or a possible convert.

My wife recently became involved with a book club with several women from Relief Society. At the first meeting they discussed which books might be good to read. Shannon had done some research online and found a highly recommended book for reading groups because of the many interesting discussion topics it raised and proposed it for the discussion. Although Shannon loves books that contain a little controversy that shake things up ( a characteristic that I adore about her), she decided to recommend one of the most conservative of all the books that she had researched. The group decided that Shannon’s recommendation sounded like the most interesting book and that it would be the first book they would read.

The week passed and the day before the next meeting Shannon received a call from a good friend of hers in the group who told her that many of the other group members were offended by the content of the book and would not be participating in the discussion. This was a little concerning to Shannon who began leafing again through the assigned material TRYING to find some of the offensive content and was dumbfounded. Then she came across a curse word that she deduced must have been the cause of the controversy. The line was appropriate for the character speaking it and was a necessary choice in establishing her true mindset. Judging the value of this literary work based on a single word is really just saying that you refuse to acknowledge that there are people in the world who swear.

Shannon showed up the next evening with the book they had originally agreed on and discovered that she was the only one who brought it. The other women in the group thought the best solution to this problem would be to choose another book and discuss that book as though the first book had never been chosen. Unfortunately no one bothered trying to contact Shannon about this change who obviously felt a little self-conscious about bringing the book that had been shunned by majority opinion. No mention was made about the previous selection. No one asked why Shannon brought it or how she felt about the change or if she even knew about it. No one attempted to soften the obvious blow instead they decided the best way to address this problem was to speak of their disgust and offense in private to one another and then pretend as though the previous book had never been proposed. Excellent solution! That way you don’t actually have to talk out loud about anything uncomfortable. What a great way to avoid conflict!

I’m so proud that these women were so willing to stand up to their convictions that there should be no people in the world who think differently than themselves and make my wife feel like shit (don’t worry this is the only curse word in my post. You can read safely on). Maybe it’s best if we take every opportunity to let the rest of the world know how much more we love the lord than they do. Seriously, would he really approve of this behavior?

I’m sorry (not really) but this is pathetic and incredibly inconsiderate. I’m sure that these LDS women are trying to improve themselves and be Christ like but many of us have different views about how Christ would choose to interact with common people.

Let’s think for a moment…..Would you say that Christ’s teaching approach was more of a “help people to learn and understand his wisdom for themselves” kind of approach or more of a “help people understand what is good by making them feel crappy when they act differently from my own personal beliefs” approach . Can’t you just envision the twelve apostles giving a new convert the silent treatment for talking about the outdated wisdom of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? “Didn’t you get the memo loser? We’re better than that now.”

What is helpful about expressing how offended you are at something if all you accomplish is offending someone else? If they don’t agree with you is there a possibility that they are just not on the same page as you (because they are not yet as wise and experienced as yourself)?

The level of sarcasm in this post is shameful I know.

I have many great LDS friends but I have a problem with not being myself. The cool thing is that when we are outside of this type of situation we DO act human. We have to! It’s not healthy psychologically to suppress our opinions all the time. I think that if this book club was a neighborhood book club and not a Ward book club these women might still hold their opinions but they would take the opportunity to help others understand their mindset and maybe (at the same time) even open themselves up to a little constructive criticism. Maybe complete censoring of the outside world is not the best solution to help people come to a knowledge of the truth.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone I’m just really frustrated with this. My friends are honest with me about the goods, bad, trials, and successes they experience that make life great. I love them for this. I know the Christ-like response is to never get really offended by anything a fellow church member says or does but it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes we can feel hurt, out of place, or even ostracized for being ourselves.

Is there any wisdom that you can impart to me? Am I just a Drama-seeking artist? Do any of you agree that this is a reoccurring frustration within our highly religious culture?

I am now willing to accept your advice and/or condemnations. I promise I won’t be offended if you put me in my place……..(maybe). Thank you for your time.