I used to cringe when I would see a toddler (or worse a preschooler) sucking away on a pacifier. I would instantly judge the parent and vow that my kids would never be dependent on a pacifier. Let me just say that karma is a bitch.
I don’t know how it happened but both my sons are closeted binky junkies. (I say closeted because they’re only allowed to get their fix when they’re in bed.) This arrangement has worked well for all involved. As long as they both have their mimies (that’s what Topher named his when he was 9 months old and the name has stuck) they go to sleep like a dream. Nap time, bed time, no problem! Why would I want to do anything to disturb that?
But I’ve tried, many times. The first time was right before Max was born. I cut all the nipples off Topher’s binkies. But then when he couldn’t sleep and I was up with a newborn and a toddler I gave in and bought him a new one. We tried a year later when Max was one and Topher had just turned three. But then we moved and the transition was really hard on the boys. They had trouble sleeping and so once again the mimies reappeared. After we were all settled in I was bound and determined to get rid of them once and for all. So we had a visit from the binky fairy. She left a letter telling them to gather all of their binkies and put them in her basket. She promised to take the binkies to the new babies and leave Topher and Max a nice surprise. This worked for Topher for quite a few months. (I had already given in to Max that same night, and continued to stash a binky in his crib.) Then one day, a couple of months ago, I really wanted/needed to take a nap so I told Topher if he took a nap with me I’d let him use his binky “just this once.” I’m ashamed to admit that I made him promise not to tell daddy.
Anyway since then it’s been as though the binky fairy never came. Topher continues to use when he thinks no one is looking. We’ve caught him hiding in his closet to get his fix. Today he had one in each hand and was hiding around a corner. I watched as he closed his eyes and blissfully sucked one of the mimies, he would then replace it with the one in his other hand, close his eyes and suck thoughtfully as though comparing two different kinds of fine wine. I decided then and there that the binkies had to go. So I waited until he wasn’t looking and gathered them all up. He hasn’t asked for one yet, but when he does I’ll just tell him that the binky fairy came and took them again.
Meanwhile I had to put Max down for a nap without one and I can still hear him screaming. "Mimi! Mimi! Mimi!" Poor thing.
I justify that it’s not that bad. They only use it at night/naps. That can’t really hurt they’re teeth can it? Really what’s the big deal? So they like to suck on a little rubber nipple while they fall asleep? What’s wrong with that? As long as they’re not using in public, what’s the harm? I can’t sleep without my bleaching trays in, isn’t that kind of the same thing?
See? I've just talked myself out of going through with this. I’m going to give Max his binky so he can sleep, because I can’t convince myself that there’s really anything wrong with him having it.
Chris is going to be MAD when he reads this.
Sorry Honey.
And I wonder why I can't lose weight? Bad Mommy! Bad!
11 comments:
You're a horrible mother. Remind me what I keep you around for?
It's not a big deal Shannon. Isn't it crazy to see the ecstasy that sucking on rubber creates for these little kids? I can't possibly remember from my experience why it would be so pleasurable. I think this shows how strongly those initial comfort experiences stick with children. It's got to be cool that you are connected with those same feelings of comfort. Sucking on your boobies was their first addiction and the binki just replaced that. After I come home and snip all the ends off of all the binkis they will have to look elsewhere for comfort, possibly in the field of recreational drugs. When they are older they will find other sources of entertainment that we as ethical parents can't snip off. But the great circle of life moves on and we all have to learn to make adjustments. You are an amazing mother. I could never complain about your parenting decisions.
First of all, you guys both totally crack me up. Thanks for a hearty belly laugh this morning. Second, this is totally funny because I was thinking of writing a blog on this very subject! Andrew and I have always set the deadline for ending binky dependency at 18 months. However, James will be 18 months next week, and I am just dreading the whole binky weaning thing. He is definitely more addicted to it than my other kids were, and this ain't gonna be fun.
However, having done this three times now, I have tried all the methods out there and I can tell you what does and does not work. Cutting nipples off does NOT work. It just makes the kids mad and then you end up going to the store to buy new binkies.
The important thing to remember is that you are weaning yourself off the binky as much as the kid. Binkies are great because they are such a quick, easy comfort fix. Very little parental effort is required to pop a binky in a mouth (unless you have to search every nook and cranny of the house in order to find the dang thing first). In order to get rid of the binky, you have to teach your child other ways to comfort themselves. Here's what has worked for me, bearing in mind that I've mostly done this with younger kids:
Quitting cold turkey DOES work, but it is extremely traumatic for both of you. You have to be fully committed and steel yourself against their crying. They will cry a lot, but eventually their tiredness will overtake their desire for the binky and they will finally fall asleep from exhaustion. They will cry all night the first night, a little bit less the second night, and a little bit less every night thereafter. If you give in once, you have to start all over again. But eventually,you will be free and clear.
The more gentle way of doing it is finding other ways for the kid to comfort themselves. I do this in several steps. First, take the binky out of their mouth and out of their crib when they fall asleep. That way, they won't wake up with it in their mouth first thing in the morning. Often, out of sight is out of mind. Second, having a regular, calming bedtime routine helps A LOT. You can read them a story, give them a bath, sing a song or two, anything that takes about 10-15 minutes and helps them make the transition between daytime and nighttime. The binky can be used at first as you introduce this routine.
Third, find a substitution comfort object. Take them shopping for a special NEW blanket, pillow, or stuffed animal. Let them pick it out themselves. Make a big deal about how binkies are just for little tiny babies, but they are such a big kid now, that they are big enough to go to sleep with this new item rather than a binky. Introduce the new item into the bedtime routine instead of the binky.
I have had this method work right away, which was incredible! However, if you do encounter some resistance, try delayed gratification. After the bedtime routine, tell them they can have the binky if they can lie quietly in bed for five minutes. Wait five minutes and give them the binky. The next night, wait ten minutes (bearing in mind that kids at this age have no perception of time). The next night wait fifteen minutes, etc. Eventually, they will fall asleep before the time has passed that you bring them the binky. Younger kids won't understand that you plan on brining them them the binky later, but they will get used to waiting longer and longer in their crib for the binky rather than having it popped in their mouth as soon as you lie them down.
Good luck! Hope this helps! I'm girding up my own loins now to face the battle on my own front!
You are hilarious. I have often longed for my children to take a binky (especially during when they are screaming during church) but they would always just spit them back at me.
I think the story of Topher with the 2 binkies, going from one to another is so funny. We always want what is forbidden, right? I understand about the whole 'not telling daddy' thing...you shouldn't be ashamed of a binky, Savannah sneaks sips of diet coke on occasion...don't tell daddy. :) Since I have no experience with this issue, I am not going to give any advice. But seriously. Don't feel bad about it, there are too many things to feel bad about as a mother. Binkies shouldn't be one of them. I think I saw a picture of Elizabeth Hurley (as a grown woman) with one in her mouth. When Topher and Max have kids of their own and still can't give it up, we'll start to worry.
Maybe Robin's right that snipping the binkies is not the way to go. I guess it's a good thing that I haven't done that yet.I like the idea of giving them the binki after 5,10,+ minutes.
This reminds me of when I was staying at your place in January. Topher was really into Hide & Seek then. We played it a lot. I remember one time when he was hiding and I was seeking I couldn't find him for a very long time. It turned out he had found a binki while hiding under Max's crib and he didn't want to be found. He was very content hiding away with his mimi.
I sure do miss that little stinker.
O Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. I was the same way. No child of mine is EVER going to be going around with that thing at THAT AGE. I was luck enough that all my kids didn’t really care to much about it but the “banky” is a different story. It is cute when they are little. Ethan does some of the cutes things with his.
Once they grow up and they need something physical to comfort them then it’s time to worry. I have a girlfriend that I grew up with that slept with a specific blanky even after she was married.
My daughter not so attached to anything for comfort but both my boys love their “banky”. Devin’s banky was left behind at a hotel so cold turkey did the trick.
I dread the day that Ethan must give up his. Not because he will be so sad, although he will be, but because his daddy will not want the “banky” to go any where.
I love your posts, you are so funny! Thanks for helping me to laugh at the everyday struggles of motherhood. I can totally relate. I haven't necessarily had the binky struggle, but have in other areas. I agree with your friend who said it will be as much of a weaning process for you as your boys. You can do it!
Girl....you are HILARIOUS!! I can't stop laughing. Although I shouldn't be laughing. Holy S@#% Shannon!!! Toher will be 4 years old in a couple of months! And still he has a mimi? Oh Lord. You HAVE to get rid of them. Don't be one of those moms you see in the grocery store that has an 8 year old kid in their basket with a plug in their mouth. UGH!! TERRIBLE!! You can do it!!:) I also did the binky-fairy thing with Kenna and I vowed that no matter how hard it got, I WOULD NOT give in. I threw them all away and the first week without out the bink was HELL. But we got through it and now no more binkies. Hang in there babe! I'm ashamed that I find so much amusement in your parenting problems. :( But at least I can relate.
I LOVE it! Because we have the same problem. I tried to ween Grace from her bink when she was 18 months or so...DISASTER!!! And no, it does not get easier every night. On night 3 Geoff put her in the car and drove for 2.5 hrs!!! and she still wouldn't fall asleep. So he gave up, gave her the bink, and told me she could take it to college! I even emailed all the moms I know seeking advice - nothing worked. We decided to wait until she could understand binkie fairies before we tried again. But I have to say, I would much rather have her self soothe with a binkie than other methods...she has also developed a habit of pulling her hair out to soothe. Last summer she had NO hair on the top of her head (and looked just like Benjamin Franklin). I think sucking on a bink is much better than hair pulling or head banging or any of the other odd things children do to soothe. The only thing I can do is try better next time. I think Noah will have to do without the bink at 9 months or earlier. Hopefully that works better...Good luck, and hang in there!
I enjoyed this post very much. I knew a Brazilian boy on my mission who still sucked a binkie at the age of 12. Of course, he made us promise not to tell his friends that he did it in the privacy of his own home. So at least Topher isn't getting ready to go into Middle School yet!
Shannon, I just can't stop laughing.
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