Chris Brewer's reflections essay "If I could live for as long as I wanted, it would be..."

Have any of you ever wondered how long you would want to live if you could actually decide such a thing? I don’t just mean until you are old but rather if you could decide to live for say 500 years or even 1000 or more? Is it silly to suggest that we would ever want it to end if we had the option of immortality?

Let’s think about it. To make such a decision would first require us to decide what it is about our lives that have made them so worth living. Then we would have to decide if those experiences, continued indefinitely, had a shelf life.

Imagine that you just found out that you had a few days to live and you were forced to look from this moment back at what experiences were the most meaningful to you. What would they be? Would it be a culmination of moments that you spent with loved ones? Would it be the feelings of mastering a certain discipline or skill set? Would it be pleasurable or thrilling experiences? Hot sex? Extreme sports? Breathtaking views in exotic locations? What are the exact things that you have experienced that you would want to continue living for in order to continue experiencing?

Now let’s consider what we do for the majority of our lives. We survive. The specifics have changed since the days of cavemen but our lives are still a matter of survival. We don’t hunt bears with spears but if we want to continue living we have to do the hunting equivalent of our day which means getting a stable job and spending most of our waking hours going there and coming home and going there and coming home and going there….

Some people feel that you should try to find a job that brings you some fulfillment as you do it; something that uses your natural gifts. Others seem to think that your quality of life will be best improved by getting a high paying job ( not necessarily enjoyable) that will give you higher quality experiences outside of work. Your house will be nicer. Your kids will go to nicer schools. You will travel farther, more often, and stay in nicer hotels. Either way you have to compromise a huge chunk of your life toward solving the problem of hunger, shelter, and security. The point of this tangent is just to demonstrate that those quality experiences mentioned earlier are probably few and far between in this extremely laborious and repetitive thing called life.

Now throw in the idea of how our value of experiences is affected by the fact that they are fleeting and do not last. It is the same reason why giving flowers is a precious gift because they will soon fade and die. Why do plastic flowers seem so pathetic? Because they are permanent. They have no vitality, freshness, or energy. Life, even in plants, is valued because it doesn’t last. You are lucky because you are there to witness the flowers in the perfect moment before they wilt. Similarly, how are the experiences we mentioned above affected when you remove this significant factor of impermanence from your life?

Are breathtaking views just gorgeous because you may never see them the same way again? Are moments with friends and loved ones so precious because you are not always able to maintain the same closeness throughout your life? Is a skill special because it is the only one you have been able to develop within your allotted time?

I love my sweet wife more today than ever. But I love her for different continually evolving reasons. When I kiss her now my thoughts and actions are informed by more recent events and feelings. Are moments in our past more special because of who we were when they occurred and what our situation was at the time? Our personalities, bodies, lives, priorities, everything continually change. If they did not we would not value those moments.

So if we could choose to live as long as we wanted, would there be a line where we might recognize that we lose something by becoming too familiar with it? Does a well lived life have to include this element of impermanence?

Most people are afraid of death. However many of us believe that our relationships and purpose stretch beyond our deaths. The faith that I was raised with has taught me that all people will be doing stuff forever. Some people will have the freedom to do more things than others but going on is mandatory whether in an inescapable state of bliss or hell. It definitely seems that meeting millions more people, learning all that there is to learn and building everything there is to build will still have a time frame ( though very freak’n big) affixed to it where it will begin to lose value. Would there be a point where even an exalted being would say “It’s been an amazing ride. I’m grateful for every moment-but it needs to end.”?

Do you ever find yourself thinking about this kind of thing? I do all the time and it leads me to conclude that all that really matters is happening right now. The experience that I may one day be remembering as something that made life worth living could be this moment if I’m paying attention. I hope that the excitement really does go on after death and I hope that the concept of eternal progression, which is something that I can’t possibly make sense of with my limited mind, is an exciting reality waiting for me and my loved ones. But whether it is or not still does not affect the significance or beauty of the current moment. In fact you have to admit that you would value your time even more if you believed that it would end at death. Sometimes I wonder if my beliefs in eternal life actually distract or take away from what is happening right now in order to hope and plan for something great that will come in the uncertain future.

Anyway...Bla bla bla. Back to the original question. I think I would want to live for about 400 years. That seems about right. I would learn how to shred on the guitar, sculpt like Michelangelo, speak a few different languages, hang out in most of the prettiest locations in the world, and become the greatest lover to grace the sheets of Shannon’s bed (It doesn’t sound as impressive if I mention that I’m the only lover that has ever graced Shannon’s sheets. But after 400 years I’m sure I would be pretty incredible. Yeah 400 seems about right to me. What do you think?

Clickity-click-click

What do y’all think of acrylic nails? I think they’re kind of ridiculous. They’re so flashy and silly, totally impractical, and in my opinion a little indulgent (much like my blog). And expensive!

Have you ever noticed how women with acrylic nails seem to move their hands differently, strangely, kind of prissy-like and limp wristed? It seems like they’re trying to show them off, but if you’ve ever worn them you know that’s just the way you have to move in order to do the little, every day tasks. Suddenly things like buttoning up your jeans, opening a can of coke, or pulling your credit card out of your wallet make you look like you’re trying to be a QVC hand model. And that “clickity-click-click” sound they make when typing on a key board?! Shoot me now! The whole thing reminds me of a little girl clomping around in her mommy’s high heels.

I always feel compelled to compliment women with nails like this. Even when I think it’s tacky I find myself ooohing and ahhing over them out of a sense of obligation. Like when someone gets a really drastic and obvious hair cut and you feel like you have to give the obligatory compliment to avoid any awkwardness. That’s how I feel when I see fake nails.

So feeling the way I do, what on earth compelled me to go into the nail salon for a pedicure and leave with a full set of acrylic nails?! I seriously have NO idea how it happened or what I was thinking. It’s like I was possessed… someone had taken over my body.

I was filled with dread during the whole ride home, thinking of all the other things I could have spent that 35 bucks on. That’s practically my whole monthly allowance. No one had seen them yet and I was already humiliated and preparing in my head what to say when given the obligatory compliment, “Ooooh, your nails are so pretty.” Maybe something like, “Oh, I never do this, but my friend talked me into it.” or “Oh, I know they’re silly, but I just thought I’d try them for fun.” Or just, “I’m going to a wedding.”

But to make it worse, Topher noticed them first thing when I walked in the door. He tugged on them and asked, “Cool! Can I hold them. I won’t lose them. I’ll put them in my pocket and keep them safe.” I explained that they are glued on and can’t come off. To which he said, “No fair! Can I have some claws like that?” Several times throughout the night he commented on how sharp my claws are, “Like a dragon! Or a bear!”

Thanks Topher.

*Disclaimer: My apologies to any acrylic nail wearers who might be reading this. Please don’t be offended. I’m sure that your nails look beautiful, natural, and not at all like claws.