We took the boys to Arctic Circle for ice cream tonight. Topher quickly finished his ice cream cone so that he could play in their in-door play ground. A little boy (who I'll refer to as Booger for the sake of the story) was standing in the entrance and as Topher passed him Booger kicked him in the shin! Topher looked a little stunned but continued in and headed towards the slide. I immediately approached Booger (who looked to be at least 8 years old) and told him, "I saw that! Why did you kick him?" -no answer. I lowered my voice a little and looked Booger square in the eye and said, "I'm going to be watching you." He looked kind of scared and then walked away.
Not a minute later Booger saw Topher at the top of the slide and ran up to deliberately block him from coming down. Booger was in Topher's face, and Topher didn't know what to do. This time I loudly charged towards him saying, "HEY! Stop being so rude! He's a little kid. Let him go down." I know, scary right? I can trash talk with the best of them. Booger pushed past him, Topher went down the slide, and I went back to the table where Chris and Max were sitting. Chris hadn't seen anything, but when he saw me he said, "was that you yelling at other people's kids?" Damn straight. So obviously I had been loud enough that everyone outside of the play area could hear, and yet none of the parents seemed the slightest bit concerned that A)some stranger was yelling at their child, or B)that their child was being a bully.
I decided to stay in the play area until it was time to go, thinking that my presence would be enough to discourage Booger from picking on my three year old anymore, but before I knew it Booger had Topher cornered again, this time he had one of his friends block the back entrance of a tube while Booger blocked the front where Topher was trying to exit. Booger was holding a piece of string in both hands, teasing Topher by pressing it against Topher's face and neck.
This time I spoke as loudly as I could without yelling and said, "Where are your parents? Where are they?"
"I'm not telling you," Booger answered, in a classic 'you're not the boss of me' type of voice.
"Fine! I'll just go out there and ask who the parents are of the little boy in the blue stripped shirt who likes to be mean to little kids, and then I'll tell them that you aren't playing very nicely!" I threatened. This time Booger looked a little concerned.
But I was so mad and embarrassed by then that I just picked up the boys and left. As I was leaving I saw Booger go out and sit by his parents who still hadn't done a thing during this whole encounter. Grrrrrrrr! I was fuming the whole way home. I was angry, but I was also concerned that perhaps I had overreacted. Chris assured me that I hadn't saying that he feels like it's important for kids that age to feel the awkwardness and embarrassment of having another adult angry at them when they behave like a jerk. It's how they learn what's appropriate behavior in a social situation.
Have any of you ever yelled at someone else's child? Please share.
We Know Better
5 days ago
4 comments:
Oh Shan, that's all I ever do. Maybe it's because I'm a teacher, but I am always telling kids what to do. I think I do it in a nice way, but if someone is hurting my child or intimidating them, mama bear comes out and you had better watch out. I don't' think you overreacted AT ALL. Some parents don't think it is important to teach their kids how to act in the world, kids need to learn the rules of playing with other kids. And if I have to be the one to teach them, I'll do it. Plus this kid is 5 years older than Topher...and what kid is nicer/sweeter than Topher? Grrr. I mean, I feel bad the older kid is a bully/social retard, but I still want to give his parents a piece of my mind. Did you get his number, by chance?
PS-Love your blog, PLEASE post about Topher telling Chris to get on a bus, it is my fave.
You DEFINITELY didn't overreact... And I'm just impressed that you did it! I don't think I'd ever be brave enough to yell at someone else's kid when their parents were around...
"It's important for kids that age to feel the awkwardness and embarrassment of having another adult angry at them when they behave like a jerk."
It's also important for parents to feel awkwardness and embarrassment when another adult has to discipline their children.
Though to be fair, that's the kind of shameless crowd you'll find at the Arctic Circle.
1st--I feel no compunction about disciplining other people's children (only verbally, of course) if they aren't getting it from their parents. I also expect and hope that other parents will tell my child (most likely Parley) to mind his behavior if he gets out of hand when I'm not there, as long as it is a fair situation.
2nd--what is up with the name of this blog? "Mediocre" mom? What the heck? You need a name change, stat!
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