My darling husband never wears his wedding ring. EVER. He use to say it was because the wedding band I got him was too thick and too small. So I had it sized. It still sat on top of my jewelry box unworn. I once hid it just to see how long it would take him to notice it was gone. Months later he asked about it. I let him sweat it out for a little while thinking he had lost it before telling him what I had done. He wore it for a maybe a day until it returned to its place on my jewelry box.
I decided to be proactive and for Christmas two years ago I bought him a very nice, light weight, titanium wedding band in a size bigger than his original gold band had been. He wore it off on and for a little while but now it sits among the toothpaste, dental floss, and bleaching trays in our bathroom drawer.
This really bothers me, but not for the reasons you may think. I don't think for a moment that he doesn't wear it because he wants the ladies to think he's available or he wants to be able to peruse chicks with his friends.
It bothers me, and I've very serious about this, because when I die young and he's left a tragic widower with two darling children he'll never have the experience in his grieving process of deciding when is the appropriate time to remove his wedding ring. I like to imagine it being an extremely emotional day a year after my death when he finally decides to move the ring to his right hand in an attempt to begin moving on. And then eventually another year later when he's met someone new I want it to be a big deal for him to take it off all together and put it in a special place where he'll give it to our son someday. It would be nice if he even shed a tear or two.
Is that asking too much?
But the way things are now if I were to die today he'd go to the funeral come home and live his life. Maybe in a few years he'll be going through the bathroom drawer and come across the ring. He'll shrug, stick it in his pocket, forget about it, and put it through the wash where it will never be seen again.
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm airing our dirty laundry. But I'm hoping that by putting it out here in the blog world it might motivate him to take it more seriously. Afterall, I might not have much time left...
14 comments:
Let's say you dropped dead tomorrow. I think the guilt Chris would feel for not wearing his ring consistently for all these years would far outweigh any dramatic emotions he'd feel taking it off later.
He'd finally stop crying and be getting ready for your funeral, putting on a suit and tie when his ring would catch his eye and the tears would just start flowing all over again.
"Why couldn't I have just done this one thing for my wife?" He'd sob to himself in the mirror. "As god as my witness I'll never take this ring off again!"
Doesn't that make you feel better?
HEEEEY NOW!!!
Couple fighting to entertain friends is sinking to Jerry Springer or reality TV quality blogging. Not cool Shannon. No matter what I say in response I can already hear the crowd of our mutual friends booing or chanting "fight fight fight!" So be it. I will try to respond the way I would if this were a private conversation (as it should be) even though I know that I should expect to be thoroughly chided by every person who reads this blog.
I really have no issue with the idea of wearing my wedding ring all the time. I am absolutely proud of our strong marriage and have no desire to even pretend that other women would even be looking for such a sign on this poor, pot-bellied man. If you really think you can't trust your spouse because they have not worn their ring you have other concerns that you need to discuss (about trust yo).
For anyone that does not know me well I should explain that I am an artist. I have always liked to work with my hands. They are my tools. Currently my daily work entails drawing things up with graphite and then digitizing that work onto a computer. It is dirty and rings are pretty. Nuf said.
I have never gotten used to having a piece of metal constricting one of my fingers. I fidget with it and unconsciously pull it on and off. I never even remember putting it down because my hands do it without my brain's input (you think about that considering the fact that rings always tend to be expensive). It also causes me stress and anxiety whenever I realize that it might be lost (such as was the case that Shannon mentioned when "testing" me).
I seriously recommit all the time to do a better job but it never catches on. I don't like the way it feels okay? Is that a crime? I bought a class ring in High school because I thought it was shiny and would elevate my social status (plus everyone who observed the delicate hand-crafted engravings closely would know that I was involved in Theatre and the arts and was probably a really big deal). Even though I was yet unaware that class rings are gay I was never able to comfortably wear it. I wanted to but couldn't stand it.
Doesn't anyone else think that it is a little unfair for our society to give us such a lack of options when it comes to showing our marriage commitment? So nobody is allowed to just not like rings? What if tradition had us wearing nose rings instead. Don't you think that there are some people who would never get over the fact that there could be a booger dangling on it?!
Now since reading this blog (in astonishment) and calling Shannon to ask her "Sup with the third degree?" We have considered other options. Shannon has expressed her willingness to have me tattooed (or branded) with the words "Property of Shannon" and I really think we're going in a good direction with that. We are exploring other options which I take as a sign of progression within our relationship.
NOW! Since I have now said my piece all the haters in the audience can now start throwing things at me (But consider which side I am likely going to take in the future after your spouse surprisingly takes his/her concerns to the internet community before discussing it with you).
Out.
Shan, you are hysterical! I love that you and don't care that Chris isn't wearing his ring right now, to deflect hoochies off your hubby, you just want him to have a hard time about it when you die. Okay, now I have to give a lecture...Chris-you seem to be upset that she didn't talk to you about this first, but you have had 6 1/2 years to get your act together on your own...and wasn't her hiding the ring a sort of confrontation?
I think that a tat is a great idea, I personally would love for Ivan to get one that says 'property of Melissa', but in a different, more painful place. hmmm...maybe I've overshared. :)
A tattoo would solve this all immediately. Chris wouldn’t be able to loose it or fidget with it or even allow a booger to hang off of it. On the other hand when you die an untimely death and he must remove it he will not be able to. Not bad I suppose but as he moves on and attempts to remarry he will be forced to wear his ring always to cover your ring. This would then cause turmoil in his second marriage because she will not feel he “loves her” for not covering your ring.
I think Chris should just suck it up. Just wear the stink’n ring and get use to it. It is much better than having the entire WWW know your business over ring wearing. (can't remember my google log in so this is Joy :D )
Oh, snicker, snicker. I love reading people's dirty laundry. Nobody on the Lambert side ever airs their dirty laundry in public and it's very boring.
I haven't worn my wedding ring in a couple of years. I used to wear it every day, until I got pregnant,and my fingers swelled up so much I couldn't get it on or, actually, I couldn't get it off. After my first three kids, my fingers shrank back to their original size, but my inability to lose my baby weight this time has kept my fingers nice and fat, so I haven't been able to wear it for a while.
I actually put it on for a military ball that we went to a couple of months ago, and I almost couldn't get it off. I thought I was going to lose my finger. Andrew once told me about an elderly couple on his mission in which the wife hadn't taken off her ring in fifty years, and her finger just kind of swelled up around it, and the only way she could take it off now would be to cut it off. That totally freaks me out.
I like my ring, and I wish I could wear it, but even if it fit me, I don't know if I would wear it every day. I mean, it's got this big scratchy diamond on it, and I've been known to accidentally gouge a soft little baby cheek or arm, which makes you feel terrible! Plus, I'm always dealing with raw meat or lotion or dirty diapers or something that you don't want stuck in your diamond. Andrew, on the other hand, wears his night and day. Of course, his is flat and smooth and doesn't have places for gick to accumulate.
So, I have to say, sorry, Shannon, but I side with Chris on this one. However, Chris, you should come to an agreement to show your devotion to your wife more often by wearing your ring on Sundays, or special occasions. Either that, or get a fake ring tattooed on your finger. Whether it says "property of Shannon" or not is up to you.
I thought that your temple marriage was the ultimate form of commitment? Who needs to wear a ring when you wear your g's? LOL :) Love you guys!
I fully back Chris on this issue. I went through the same problems as Chris with my ring while working with my hands. The solution I came up with is I wore it around my neck on a chain, that way I knew I had it at all times. Chris have you thought of this? But I do favor the tattoo idea, but you know I always will.
Shannon! I would be upset too - but on the other hand, I take my ring off to do everything, so Chris - I understand your complaint too. I think a tattoo of a ring is a great idea. If I could get a tattoo that sparkled like a diamond, I'd do it too!
Omg, Class rings are gay? If you're gay are you like, required to wear one? Crap. I don't know if I can find me...ah hell...guess I'm not gay then.
As far as the ring is concerned--Shannon I see your point. Chris, I see yours. Both of your sides are completely fair but Shan, don't you think you're being a bit dramatic about this? :) You know Chris would pine over you for years and years if you died.
Love you both.
My serious response:
Wear the ring or dont, Chris. That is your choice. But dont imagine that you can choose your consequence.
Dont wear it and have hands free to do art, no worry about losing it, etc. And have Shannon bring it up and think and worry and stress over it.
Do wear it and have more trouble with your art, have to think about it so it doesnt get lost. And have Shannon happy as a clam about it.
Your choice.
Less serious response:
I vote for the tattoo. But dont just get a tattoo of a ring, get some words too...maybe something like "forever" or "eternity" or "Shannon's be-otch" Whatever works for you:)
In our family, it's me who wonders around ringless. We got married too young and I've outgrown my $100 Wal-mart special (i still have it). He got me a One Ring (LOTR) replica, but the inscription gave me a rash. He bought me a fancy diamond thing, I lost it. I bought an identical one and lost it, too. I got a free tungsten band from some random ring shop who wanted me to put up a link. I doesn't fit and can't be resized.
Also, FREAKING AWESOME BLOG TITLE - I totally love it! Not lame like all the "confessions of this and that" you see everywhere. :)
(also, I read 3 confessions of this or thats and I love LOVE them, so uh ... I should shut up now!)
hello...Shannon, where is my entertainment? I am BORED and avoiding work..we demand "interesting facts about Shannon" or some kind of blog post:)
Unmarried as I am, I still have strong feelings on this. I don't know why, but I always have... in fact, I'm nearly certain that your hubby and I have argued about this several times while growing up.
But really, after reading this post I must say that I am more struck with admiration for your imagination, because none of my arguments ever centered around a tragic early death and the heavy, soul-crushing decision of when to remove the ring and move on!
Dang. How did Chris respond to THAT? (You SO fight like a girl ;P Mad props!)
Oh, should have read all the comments before commenting.
TOTALLY go with the branding: PROPERTY OF SHANNON
No contest!
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