Ladies, tell me, what is it with us and a brooding, moody, melancholy man that get us all hot and bothered? I don’t get it. Why are women so turned on by the Sawyers and the Dr. Houses of the world while nice guys often go unnoticed? Women, who can be other women’s harshest critics, can overlook men’s flaws and be the first to give them the benefit of a doubt, looking at them like wounded puppies that need their love and care in order to thrive and reach their full potential. We don’t see the jerk, we see the lost little boy with a tragic past. We rarely consider the possibility that if he acts like an unfeeling, inconsiderate ass it might be because that is what he is. What’s the saying? If it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck? Yeah... that’s what I’m getting at.
Anyway, I’m not above this. I’ll be forever grateful that when choosing a spouse I had the emotional maturity to select a nice guy (the nicest, actually), but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t root for Team Edward just as much as the next girl or that I can’t recognize the sex appeal in Dr. House. What I don’t understand is why. Is it drama we seek? Does it come from our need to be needed, to nurture, to mend a wounded heart? Or is it our inherent insecurities that make us try to win the favor of cantankerous, unloving men because to succeed would be the ultimate validation of our worth?
So gentle readers, what are your theories?
Who are your bad boy crushes (past and present)?
Is there an equivalent for men towards women, (ie: men being attracted to needy weak women)?
8 comments:
Oooh... dilemma of the ages. Why do girls like the bad boy and why do boys go for big boobs? I think that girls like the mystery of the bad boy, and thinking that we could somehow save him-be the one that changes him.
I'm just glad that I also married a 'nice guy.' A nice guy with an outgoing personality has always been the sexiest for me! :)
I totally agree with Melissa. However, I also think it is a phase. When we first start our dating years our parents are so cautious about who we are allowed to date. My parents would always ask me if he was a Mormon, if he was nice, came from a "good" family... etc. So while I was in high school those were the boys I looked at.
When I moved away from home and had a little more say in my choices of men I started picking the worst of the worst. I seriously have dated worse guys than almost all the girls I know combined. Part of that would be because I'm still single...so while most of my friends have settled down with nice guys... I'm still out there fighting the battle.
I have dated LIARS, assholes, cheats, real bad boys! It has finally happened to me that I want a nice good guy. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am ready to settle down. I have had my fun... and now as it comes time for me to think about having a family I'm actually dating a really nice guy.
So just like guys go through a phase of dating the wild crazy girls who will let them do what ever it is they want... women go for the bad boys. Not really sure who my "bad boy" crush is... but I am forever in love with Hugh Grant and he got caught doin it with a tranny/hooker.
I actually have never been attracted to bad boys. The brooding poet type, sure, of course, but not the kind of guy that treats you like trash. This might be because I was an utter romantic, but thanks to my big brother, who was kind of a bad boy growing up, I was also on the lookout for someone who was nicer to me than he was! I have too strong of a will and too high of self confidence to let a man walk all over me.
I did have a brief excursion into the not-so-good guy experience, however. It was the guy I was dating right before I met Andrew. Not a bad boy, necessarily, but he sure wasn't fully committed to our relationship, and I remember coming up with excuses for a lot of his behavior. Fortunately, Andrew came on the scene and looked absolutely heaven-sent in comparison, but even without him, I don't think I would have kept dating that other guy much longer.
I guess I'm just not that into drama in a relationship! Boring, I know.
Here is a one guy’s perspective. For me I know I don't like the needy weak type. My type is the pushy and demanding type, although I am not the type to be pushed around either. Maybe it's just me, but I am emotionally broken and kind of an ass and it gets me nowhere with the ladies. But then again you know all too well that my choice in ladies has not always been the best. But as a guy I can see the appeal of Sawyer and Dr. House they are both attractive guys, I don’t think the twilight dude is good looking but he does have that dark mysterious thing going for him. I think it boils down to looks. Since they are attractive we are a lot more forgiving of their attitude and what not. Now if like George from Seinfeld acted and behaved like sawyer I doubt many ladies would swoon over him. Sad to say it, but I would let a more attractive woman get away with a lot more than I would someone who was not as attractive. Just my two cents, could be why I am still single though.
I agree with the previous comment (I don't know who JC is). The fact that these men are attractive probably has more to do with it than how they treat women.
I must say though, that I have never been attracted to the dark and brooding type. I did have a stint in HS with the rebellious type(if you remember my convict :) ), but I knew I would never marry the guy. It was just my attempt at rebellion (lame as it was).
I actually enjoyed reading about Jacob more than Edward - if you could have an attractive man that treats you like a princess - what girl wouldn't want that! Unless she were an idiot with real issues.
Perhaps it's more an issue of self worth - girls tend to be hard on themselves, maybe they feel lucky to get a good looking man who treats them like trash instead of an ugly one who treats them like trash. Maybe girls feel that's what they deserve? I hope that's not the case, but I can see some truth in that.
Ooooo...this is a toughy!
I must confess that I'm not a HUGE bad boy fan. I'm more of a Ryan Reynolds kind of girl--someone buff and funny. I like the guy in ABC's "Castle," Channing Tatum, LL Cool J and guys like that.
If I had to confess to liking one media bad boy (and get ready to groan... and possibly lose respect for me), it would be be Vin Diesel.
I know.
I have ZERO justification for this. It's purely primal.
But I can happily say that Edward, House and Sawyer hold nothing for me. I don't want a project. I want a man who can kick some ass and make me laugh.
I'm pretty sure that makes me totally shallow ;)
I totally love weak submissive women, that's why I married one OOOOOOOOOH!!! SNAP!!! SETTLE DOWN LADIES!!!!
I think it's obvious that I don't dig weak women. I like a woman who brings order into the chaotic life of an artist with a short attention span. This is the type that I got.
I have to say when I think about our relationship the thing that I enjoy most about you is how unpredictable you are. You are passionate and opinionated and always manage to hold an opinion or take a stance on a subject that is completely unexpected. Sometimes your views are traditional and mature and sometimes they are wild and rebellious. You are just interesting plain and simple. You are a toy that I cannot get bored with-a toy that makes me dinner and cleans my house a lot-A toy that nobody else has but wishes they had.
So...yeah I like you a lot. Lets always be friends.
I have read your blog and have pondered over it for some time now. I don't have anything insightful except that....we all have a "wild side" that for some reason feeds off of the jerk of a guy. No it is great to live that wild side while you’re young and dumb but (good for Shannon and many women I know) you grow up and marry a good guy. The guy that doesn’t want to live being the jerk forever is always the wiser choice, even if your life is, well, less exciting. On the other side if you do keep presiding the “wild ass of a man” you’ve got issues. (joy)
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