25 Things...

I have really been enjoying reading everyone's list of 25 things on facebook, and being the follower that I am, here's my list:

1. I like knowing other people's "bidnez" (translation: business). If someone has a secret I want to know it. I check my blog list and friend's facebook status for updates at least 8-10 times a day. If I could spy on you or read your diary, I would. I don't consider myself a gossip or a drama seeker, I just really like getting a glimpse into the life and mind of others.

2. Likewise, I feel like my life is generally an open book. I have nothing to hide, and will usually answer any question openly and honestly.

3. I know without a doubt that I am doing what I've always wanted to do most with my life by being a wife and mother, but that doesn't mean that I don't often admire the green grass on the other side of the fence.

4. I love listening to Dr. Laura's radio show even though I think it's made me a very judgmental person.

5. I have gotten pregnant three times without trying. Twice while I was on the pill, and once when we were using a diaphragm. I often feel guilty about this because I have many friends who have not been able to get pregnant easily or at all.

6. If Chris would let me I would be a surrogate mother for a couple that I know.

7. A small part of me is relieved that he won't agree to it, because I know that it would be a lot of work to actually go through with it even though I am 100% sincere in my willingness to do it.

8. Despite my easy pregnancies, I have really hard labors and probably would have died giving birth to both my children if it weren't for modern medicine.

9. I hate going to the gym. I always thought that if I started going consistently it would get easier and that I might even learn to like it, but that is not the case. I've been going consistently 3-5 times a week for months now and each time I have to have a 30 minute dialogue with myself before I can be talked into going begrudgingly.

10. I love to eat. Always have. I can't even say that I am an emotional eater. I eat for the sheer enjoyment of eating, because it is so much fun and feels so good. In fact, I endure the gym as much as I do, not to lose weight, but to be able to eat more.

11. Because of numbers 9 and 10 I will probably always be 20 - 30 pounds overweight. That bothers me sometimes, but never enough to really make the sacrifices necessary to change.

12. I love Ellen DeGeneres, and not the same way you do. I really love her in the most intense way that someone can love a person they've never met. I don't know why. Maybe I knew her in a past life. I have dreams where we're braiding each other's hair or cuddling. And in these dreams I just feel so loved. It's nothing sexual, although I might put up with that if it meant I could have her as my best friend.

13. If I had to choose between the two, I would rather my children be nice and unselfish than smart and successful.

14. I put on a full face of make up every single day. Even the days when I don't leave the house and Chris works his second job and I don't see him at all. I just can't stand looking at myself without it. It only takes me about 4 minutes so I think it's well worth the trouble.

15. My in-laws have always been very nice and loving towards me despite the fact that when we first got married they didn't think I was good enough for their son/brother.

16. I do think that when it comes to our marriage, I got the better end of the deal. How did a girl like me end up with such a stud muffin like Chris?

17. I feel very uncomfortable and often afraid around animals. These feelings have gotten worse the older I am. One of the conditions upon Chris marrying me was that we would never have pets. He agreed even though he's convinced I'm going to change my mind. I'm not. (Although I might be able to get over this if it was a deal breaker for Ellen.)

18. A perfect day for me always includes a 30 minute power nap.

19. I truly believe that money can buy happiness and am prepared to challenge anyone who thinks otherwise. Just give me a few million dollars and I'll happily prove my theory. (This only applies to generally decent people. If someone's a miserable jerk, no amount of money could make them happy.)

20. When I was a little girl I repeatedly tripped and fell on my face (at least this is the way my parents tell the story.) I busted up my lip in the same spot so many times that I looked like I had a permanent fat lip. This never bothered me until I was thirteen and noticed it in a three way mirror. I suddenly became obsessed with my deformity and extremely self conscience about it. When I was sixteen my parents took me to a doctor who cut out the scar tissue and made just one line of stitches on the inside of my lip. This helped a little, but it still bothers me.

21. I have many regrets from my youth but I don't think I would have been able to do anything differently. At the time I couldn't be told what to do and insisted on learning things the hard way.

22. I really dislike talking on the phone. I avoid calling people "just to chat" because I'm afraid of interrupting something their doing. Also I find it impossible to have a conversation on the phone when my kids are around because they always take it as an opportunity to be as annoying as possible. I would much rather correspond in person or via email.

23. Because of this I am a terrible friend when it comes to long distance relationships. (Right, Jessica?) Hell, you can live in the same valley as me and unless we work together or go to church together we probably only see each other a couple of times a year. (Know what I mean, Melissa?) But in my mind our relationship is frozen in time and can be picked up where it was left off as soon as our paths cross again.

24. 90% of the time I think everything that my children say and do is so funny/smart/cute. The other 10% of the time I want to lock myself in my room with a pillow over my head.

25. I would not want to survive an accident which would leave me severely burned or disfigured.

Addicted to The Office

I love The Office! Seriously LOVE IT! I've often joked about the joy that it brings into my life but it wasn't until last night that I realized just how much The Office means to me. I had our DVR scheduled to record the hour long Office special that was coming on after the Super Bowl. At 8:15 with the kids in bed and the house clean I turned on the TV only to see that we had NO SATELLITE CONNECTION!!! I almost cried (ok, I did cry a little). I really didn't think I'd be able to handle such a huge disappointment, especially after we were all geared up Thursday night for a new episode only to be let down by a rerun. So I called our satellite provider and tried to remain calm as they walked me through resetting everything. When it was up and running I saw that , lo and behold, it didn't start until 8:30! I hadn't missed a second. The universe was smiling on me after all. My incredible disappointment followed by my huge sense of relief really indicated how much I love this show (and perhaps how lame my life is otherwise).

To cut or not to cut? There is no question.

You know I’m generally of the “live and let live” mentality and don’t try to push my beliefs on others, but this is a human rights issues that I feel I must speak out on. If you've known me for any length of time then it is quite possible that we’ve already debated over this topic and you already know how passionately I feel about it. I recognize what a sensitive topic this is and why it makes people uncomfortable. There are many people who have been circumcised or who have chosen to circumcise their sons who are not ready to face that they have been wronged or have unintentionally caused harm to their sons. I also understand that unless parents actively seek out information on circumcision they’re more likely to have it done simply because it’s still presented as the norm. The day after giving birth to both of my boys someone from the medical staff came in and asked not IF we’d like him to be circumcised but WHEN we’d like to schedule the procedure. Of course I said that we wouldn’t be having him circumcised, but if I had never given it any thought before hand I’m sure I would have gone along with the “routine” procedure. What concerns me is how most parents give more thought into how they want to decorate their nursery, whether to breast or bottle feed, or which outfit to bring their new baby home from the hospital in than whether or not they should allow a painful, unnecessary, surgical performance to be done on their newborn baby. What’s wrong with this picture?

The act of circumcision as a non religious procedure was introduced in the 19th century by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg as a way to stop masturbation. He said, "A remedy [for masturbation] which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision...The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind...” The United States and Canada are the only countries in the world that perform routine circumcisions. I have to quote Joe Cortez, an avid blogger on this topic, because I just couldn’t have said it better myself, “Circumcision of infants is forced cosmetic surgery. The same merit as a tattoo, piercing or rhinoplasty. The foreskin is not a genetic anomaly, nor is it a congenital deformity. The foreskin is a normal, healthy piece of tissue found in all newborn males at birth. The foreskin is not “extra skin,” but standard equipment. Without any medical indication present, infant circumcision is the forced amputation of normal, healthy tissue. It is deliberate pain and injury inflicted on the genitals of a healthy individual male.”

Believe me, I’ve heard and considered ALL of the arguments for circumcision. In fact, I had to do a research paper in college supporting it. It was one of my hardest assignments ever because there just simply isn’t any valid medical research to back the need for routine circumcision. Here are the three basic arguments supporters will give:

1. The circumcised penis is cleaner and more hygienic. To which I say, WHAT?! Since when do we chop off parts of our bodies to avoid having to clean them? When my teeth are dirty I brush them I don’t pull them out. Also, a vagina takes a whole heck of lot more work to maintain and keep clean and fresh, but we don’t cut off baby girl’s labia to facilitate cleaning. Please! We live in a world with soap and water and the ability to shower daily. Why do people continue to hold on to the notion of cleanliness to validate genital mutilation? Both of our son's foreskins are intact, and we have never had any problems keeping them clean. In fact we were instructed to let it be, there is no need to pull back the foreskin and clean it. That is something they will do when they become sexually active or start masturbating.

2. It reduces the risk of urinary tract infections. First of all UTI’s are extremely rare in males. 1 in 125 is the statistic I read. So we’re going to mess with the genitals of 125 boys in order to decrease the chance that one of them might at some time in their life get a UTI which is very treatable and lasts two days? Doesn’t make sense.

3. It reduces the risks of AIDS and other STD’s. Do you know any infants having sex that this would affect? Not me. Besides, condoms are the only way to significantly reduce those risks anyway. If a man’s going to have casual sex and not wear a condom he’s putting himself at great risk whether he’s circumcised or not. Interestingly enough, The US has the highest circumcision rate in the world and also one of the highest Aids rate.

4. The worst reason of all, but probably the most common is; it’s tradition; it looks better; I want my son to look like his dad / brothers etc. When I’ve talked to people that is often time what it boils down to for them. I know people who would look down on a mother who pierced her infant daughter’s ears but think nothing of having her son circumcised. To justify circumcision in this way with all of our education and resources makes us no better then tribes in Africa performing female circumcision with rusty blades or sharp rocks. I know that is so hard to hear, but tell me how it’s not true.

Even if you have been convinced that there are minor health benefits, those perceived benefits are nothing compared to the risks involved. There are risks as rare and severe as botched jobs resulting in castration or the much more common meatal stenosis , which could affect 1 in 10 and is there for life unless surgically corrected. I won’t even go into all the sexual effects it could have on a person because that becomes too subjective, but you can image that cutting off the foreskin which holds the majority of a man’s erotic nerves would have some effect on sexual pleasure. And let’s not dismiss all the pain and trauma that the patient suffers. The fact that it is often performed on babies and they can’t recall it in their conscious memory as an adult doesn’t nullify the effects that it has on a person or make it right in any way. I believe that if parents were required to be present when the procedure took place fewer and fewer would continue doing it.

I just want people to wake up and start giving this the attention it deserves. It’s so easy to speak out against female genital mutilation but much harder to look inward at your own society and culture that is still practicing such a barbaric ritual. To use Joe Cortez’s words again “Circumcision is by definition Genital Mutilation. There is no female genital mutilation or male genital mutilation. There is only genital mutilation. That there are other, more severe forms of genital mutilation is irrelevant. As such it is a violation of human rights and all individuals of both sexes are entitled to the same protection under the law. The principle of taking a non-consenting individual, forcing him/her down and cutting up their genitals to conform to a social norm is one and the same.”

Parents please do not do this to you sons. If they want it later in life they can easily have it done. But it is irreversible and is their decision to make. The truth is it is slowly becoming less and less of a norm and by the time your son is an adult he could really resent you for making that decision for him. I could go on and on but I think I've said my piece. Please feel free to dispute me or leave a comment expressing a difference of opinion.

Mmmmm... sacrelicious.

Topher just came out of his bedroom with a white blanket over his head saying, "oooooooooooooh... Owwwwwww... Ooooooh... I'm the Holy Ghost..." I laughed so hard because:
A) It was so freaking funny and
B)It totally reminded me of an Eddie Izzard stand up bit.

And in my book Eddie Izzard = Funny!

Check him out: (Or don't if you're easily offended by swears and/or blasphemy)

Total Money Makeover

My big, fat disclaimer: If you’ve read my previous post, Mirror mirror on the wall…, then you know my feelings on arrogance. So let me just say that this post is in no way an attempt to brag or toot my own horn. If you’re going to take it that way then please stop reading now. I know that money is viewed as a very off limit topic among family and friends, but I feel that the more open we are about the subject the better off we’ll be. (At least that’s what Suze Orman told me.) So at the risk of committing a huge social faux pa, I’m going to talk about money.

For the first time in our married lives, Chris and I are out of debt!!!! (…except for our mortgage…)

This was our new year’s resolution at the beginning of 2008 after we received a copy of Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover from Chris’s brother, Dan, who had read it and was already in the process of his own money makeover. We had accumulated a lot of debt in our first few years of marriage due mostly to student loans, two hospital stays from two unplanned births, a car payment, and the occasional frivolous spending. We thought we were doing everything we could to pay off our debt and were pretty much just planning to trudge along, trying not to accumulate more debt, until we eventually paid everything off. That was before we read this book. I don’t want to sound like I’m doing a paid advertisement for Dave Ramsey so let me just sum it up by saying that we were really inspired by his book and motivated to take action. So instead of just trudging along, we decided to attack our debt with all of our energy, time, resources etc.

Here’s what we did:

1. We refined our budget. We had always had one, but it was never very accurate. We would keep track of our spending and itemize it into categorize, but we never held ourselves accountable for when we went over budget. We just figured it would all work itself out. So the first thing we did was create a budget that changes month to month depending on the income we earned the previous month. If we go over in an area we have to take the money from somewhere else.

2. We both looked for ways to earn extra money. Chris took on extra projects and freelance work. I would work extra shifts whenever Chris had a day off and could be with the kids. I also started babysitting kids on my days off. This has turned out surprisingly profitable for us. I’ve even cleaned people’s homes and taken care of their pets. I’ll pretty much do anything that’s not immoral for money. Keep that in mind, people. :) This money was all considered “bonus money” and would go directly to our debt. Chris’s work bonus, our tax return, birthday money, and our “economic stimulus” money all went to paying off our debt.

3. We did our best to keep spending to a minimum. I’m constantly looking for deals on Craig’s List or KSL for the kid’s clothes or things we need around the house. We tried to only go out once a month. We got rid or our cell phones and now just use prepaid minutes as sparingly as possible. We even sold our second car and put the money towards... you guessed it. (This was not as big of a sacrifice as it sounds because it had actually broken down a year before and when we had an opportunity to get a little money from it rather than pay to get it fixed that’s what we did.) At first it was hard, but I’m to the point now where it’s harder to buy something because I find I get more satisfaction watching my debt decrease and our emergency fund increase than I do when I buy a nonessential. We did not live like monks this year, there is a lot more we could have done if we had wanted to pay it off faster, but for the amount of debt we had we felt like a year was a realistic and moderate goal.

It feels so good to be out of debt. It has really changed the way that we look at money and material possessions. We appreciate what we have so much more now because it’s ours. I would much rather buy something that I can afford than borrow money and pay interest on something nicer, newer, smaller, bigger, faster, fancier, etc. I feel like that’s living a lie. Almost anyone can go finance a nice new car if they’re willing to pay an outrageous interest rate and monthly payment but few people could go pay a few thousand dollars cash to buy a used Toyota corolla. And the sad thing is that in our society when you see them side by side the person in the nicer car (clothes, home, etc.) is often the one that gets your respect and admiration.

Again, the purpose of this post is not to give ourselves a pat on the back for actually following through on a new year's resolution. (Even if it is the first time in my life) It's to let any of you who may be facing the same challenge know that it is possible to get out of debt and that it feels really great. So best of luck to you if you're going to take this on, I know that you will be blessed. Let me know if we can help in any way or if you'd like to borrow Dave Ramsey's book.

Now will 2009 be the year that I finally lose weight?

Chris is coming out and needs your support

So, I decided to write a blog about my vegetarian diet because I don’t feel like I’ve gotten enough attention and I want to help all the poor unenlightened people to understand the destruction they are bringing upon the world by eating meat like savage beasts. I hope that these thoughts will stay with you and that I can remain in your mind as a visual example of someone who is willing to sacrifice in order to make a difference in this wicked flesh hungry world.

So, I’m kind of a vegetarian and I wanted to talk about it. Cool? We love talking about health don’t we? Every day I hear people talking about their latest health experiment whether it be starting Atkins, South Beach, the Lemon Cleanse, eating smaller portions, eating more meals, drinking more water, or maybe drinking juice made from mystical South American berries. At work or at family functions I always seem to be exchanging ideas about the latest, most effective work-out philosophies. It’s interesting stuff and I love hearing the latest.

So I’m sort of coming out of the closet (at least to some people) that I have seriously cut back on meat for about 6 months now (shameless pat on my own back I know). I think I said that just to refute Dave’s prediction when I started that I wouldn’t be able to stick with it. He knows me pretty well and I like that he has no problem being brutally honest. I said I was “kind of” a vegetarian because I don’t treat it like a religious commandment that others can judge me on for disobeying, nor do I expect anyone else to share my opinions. I hope that it can just be treated like any other diet that people do to improve their personal health. But I have to admit it’s weird that this is the only diet that I have felt an aversion to talk about (considering that I once lived on maple syrup and lemon juice for a week).

Unlike many vegetarians, my reasons are not about morality or ethical treatment of animals so don’t be nervous about me joining the picket line outside of the KFC. When I see a cat for instance, I know very well that if it were bigger it would probably not hesitate to bite my head off and play with it for a while (I actually went through a cat torture phase in my life when I found great joy in adding to my arrogant feline’s anxieties……good times.) So hey, I’m all about dominating the animals yo.

A friend of mine recently said “Imagine how stupid vegetarianism would appear to your starving ancestors. Poor baby, do you have to kill an adorable animal to survive? The fact that you are standing here is proof that your ancestors couldn’t care less about such discrimination when it came to getting through the winter.” That’s a very good point. Vegetarians can seem like pretty ungrateful whiney people I will admit. I worked with a Vegan who loved to tell me everything that was unhealthy about everything I ate; EVEN granola bars which evidently have dangerous amounts of predigested bee vomit (beware). Because my reasons are not religious, I would rather eat meat than have a friend feel awkward or uncomfortable. As a rule I will not turn down a meal that someone has gone out of their way to prepare. These types of occasions are actually quite rare and I feel no guilt about deviating from my diet every now and then.

When I was doing the South Beach thing, I remember the only thing I wanted in the world was CARBS because that was what I was not supposed to eat. My experience with vegetarianism has been quite different. I can honestly say that my desire to eat meat has diminished and has not returned. You know when you are on a diet looking into your fridge, nobody is around and you stare at that forbidden treat knowing that no one else will ever know. I haven’t experienced that temptation at all. I promise I haven’t even tried to get my fix when I’m alone. After a few months of not eating meat I ate a chicken sandwich and expected it to be heaven. I was really disappointed; It wasn’t that great. It was just as I remembered it. I’ve started noticing that meat has been mostly just a texture in my eating experience. Everything that tastes good in a sandwich is not the meat.

I have never felt healthier than when I made this change. I have not lost any energy, quite the opposite. As a personal observation I have also felt more spiritual. This is basically the reason why I am writing this. I am throwing this out there in case any of you are curious and want to experiment as well. I am also writing this to assert my elitist dominance over you impure creatures (I am truthful as well as wise).

We have been raised with a tradition that no meal is complete without a large portion of meat. It almost defines a true meal but I am convinced that physiologically our bodies are still designed to eat a predominantly vegetarian diet even though we are behavioral omnivores. If tomorrow we decided that we wanted to start eating tree bark, our bodies obviously wouldn’t be able to break it down and pull nutrients from it. It’s important to understand what our physiological makeup is designed for in order to be healthy. Both Carnivores and herbivores face different issues when dinner time arrives and have evolved to overcome them. For Herbivores plants are difficult to break down and digest. For Carnivores there food tends to run away. So it follows that herbivores are going to be designed to forage and require long periods of digestion. Carnivores will be designed to be predators that eat large but infrequent meals. (I hope this isn’t boring but I find it fascinating)

Characteristics of carnivores…

-Equipped for short bursts of extreme speed
-limbs are lightened for fast running and are also modified to be weapons
-most vulnerable parts of anatomy are shielded behind a muscular chest
-Incisors are reduced to pointy pegs and canines are like huge, sharp, elongated knives used for ripping flesh
-Their lower jaw does not move from side to side only up and down making their teeth work like a pair of shears.
-They do not chew their food but rather slice off chunks of meat and swallow it whole (think of feeding your cat)
-No digestive enzymes in their saliva
-stomachs are extremely acidic and able to accommodate for huge meals (60-70% of total GI tract).
-meat has no fibre and is therefore easily digested and so the length of their intestine is very short (only 3-6 times their body length) and are optimized for protein and fat absorption.

Characteristics of omnivores….

-They are social animals and live in large herds or communities
-Their limbs are modified for standing and walking long distances for gathering food
-Their nails are blunt and used for digging and peeling
-They have muscular lips, a small mouth opening and well developed cheek muscles which “wall in” their food for chewing
-The teeth rest on top of each other and do not slide past each other scissor style but work rather like a nutcracker
-Lower jaw has a pronounced horizontal side-to-side motion for chewing
-Molars are not sharp and blade-shaped, but are square, and flat-topped.
-many vegetarians have more pronounced canines (Like hippos or gorillas for defense), or shortened and reduced ones such as with horses and humans. Canine teeth do not indicate a design for eating meat
-Plant materials contain large amounts of fibrous material. The end result is that plant foods require extensive processing to extract their nutritional content. Because of this, herbivores consume smaller, more frequent meals and have long elaborate digestive tracts -Their intestines are 10-12 times their body length and have an unlimited capacity for carbohydrate consumption.

Sooooooooooo….where would you classify yourself?

Humans are slow runners with low stamina. We have a carbohydrate-digesting enzyme in our saliva called amylase. Our esophagus does not handle poorly chewed food very well (Over 90% of people who choke to death each year choke on meat). We clearly have a long intestine. When meat goes through our tract, it putrefies and fills our bodies with toxins which can cause cancer and dozens of other problems. Only herbivores have an appendix.

One of the most interesting facts to me is that whenever an herbivore eats animal based products, their arteries begin to be lined with a plaque that will eventually block off blood flow and cause death. Studies have been conducted where dogs are fed cubes of butter for days and NOTHING happens to their blood vessels. Rabbits die in no time when fed animal products. Coronary artery disease is directly linked to eating meat along with most of the diseases of affluence that seem to exist in America and not in places like rural agrarian China.

Ask yourself, “When I see a dead carcass on the road side does my mouth begin to water?” We are absolutely disgusted by meat in its natural form. The slaughtering that carnivores must live for we do out of human sight. The meat just appears in our grocery stores pink and clean. The next thing we do is treat it so that it no longer resembles what it is. We cook it, rub spices into it, and tell ourselves that it is not animal flesh. We just saw that beautiful exhibit “Body Worlds” downtown the other day and every time I saw an arm bone with muscle and tendons on it I thought…drum stick!


Now there are of course other factors to consider. Some lineages of people can handle foods better than others. Most people can digest milk because of the fact that our early ancestors have been drinking it for many millennia. It follows that meat would affect some people more negatively than others but the fact remains that we have not made the full evolutionary step toward becoming carnivores and why would we want to? It’s kind of a complicated system that we have going. Our ancestors no doubt supplemented their diets with protein sources such as nuts, larvae, and meat when they could get it, but we are definitely not designed to handle it in the amounts that our culture has demanded.

I was always under the impression that the reason people from the Amazon and Asia were so small was because of protein deficiency which has been found to be untrue. It is because they did not have a variety of nutrients in their diet. Their options were too limited. I was surprised to find out that meat (not including eggs) has little to no nutritional value. It’s all just protein (yeah yeah B12, but that’s it). I was also surprised to find out how much protein legumes, nuts, and whole grains have.

I don’t care if people eat meat. I agree it’s tasty as hell but what I don’t like from our society in general is the philosophy that it is somehow necessary; That a meal is not complete without it. It isn’t nearly as important as we have been lead to believe. I like to look at it like ice cream. It’s not evil but if I want to challenge myself to be healthier, I should really limit it.

A great book that covers the major research that has been done in this field is “The China Study.” It’s totally changed my thinking.

For those of you still reading (and I suspect Dave may be the only one) I would just like to conclude by thanking PITA for helping the cause by planting an association in everyone’s mind that vegetarians are terrorists that will choose to kill people over adorable puppies. Everyone knows that we vegetarians are just lovable run of the mill condescending elitists. Merry Christmas puppy killers.

The thrill of the hunt?

Why is it that my one year old will eat food that he finds on the floor... in the garbage... under the sofa that he would never touch if I put it in front of him in his high chair? He'll eat a green pea that he finds on the floor but not one on his plate. Just today he found the heel of a loaf of bread (still in the bag) in the top of the garbage and carried it around nibbling it for more than an hour. Weird.